Two Can Play This Game
by CharlotteBlackwood
Summary: What more could a girl at Hogwarts ask for than the attentions of one of the Black brothers? The attentions of the other one. Brother rivalry, M for sexual content and some violence.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey, guys! I promised I wouldn't do this, but I couldn't help it. This story is one that came to me the other day, so I want to see if people are more interested in my baby that I've been working on for half my life, or this, which is more like the stuff I read myself. Warning: SMUT, SUGGESTIVE LANGUAGE, SOME VIOLENCE. I own nothing. I'll only say it once.

Decima Zimmerman was a Slytherin. She shared a room with Catarina Boatright, Glenys Groundsell, Alexis Armour, and Gwen Bittner. She was also a fifth year prefect. The other Slytherin prefects were Merita Heron and Olwen Fysshwyk, Melin Benefield and Ioan DeForest, and her boyfriend, Regulus Black.

They made their way to the front of the train to the prefects' compartment from the Slytherin compartments in the back for their meeting. She and Regulus took seats near the Ravenclaws. Decima scanned the Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors. The Hufflepuffs had the Head Girl, Ione Elam, and the Gryffindors had the Head Boy, Frank Longbottom, as well as friends of her boyfriend's brother, Remus Lupin and Lily Evans. She looked around the compartment to see who in their year had gotten the badge. In Ravenclaw, it was Miriam Bletchley and Zacchaeus Quirke; in Hufflepuff, Lucia Ellis and Pompilius Cain; and in Gryffindor, Adelle Winstringham and Osmund Ballinger.

They Head Boy and Girl stood and briefly welcomed the new prefects, assigning duties, and informing them of meetings and the password to the prefects' bathroom. When they were dismissed, Asenneth Baddock, one of the Slytherin seventh year prefects, grabbed Decima's arm and whispered the Slytherin password in her ear. It was "cunning."

Halfway to their compartment, Decima stopped in her tracks, looking at the bag in her hands. Regulus turned and frowned at her.

"What's wrong, CiCi?"

CiCi was the nickname only her favorite people could use, which was reserved to her three best friends and Regulus.

"This isn't my bag," she said. "Someone else must have mine."

He stared at her. "But it looks just like your bag."

She shook her head and said, "No, mine's lighter than this, and it has a hole burnt into the strap from Cat's Potions debacle third year, remember?"

"Excuse me," said a polite voice behind her. "I overheard you, and I think that might be Lily Evans's bag. Yours look a lot alike, and you were sitting right across from each other."

It was Remus Lupin.

"Could you direct me to her compartment, please, Lupin?"

"I can walk you there myself," said Lupin. "I have to run her a few plans and things."

"Thanks so much," she said. "Regulus, I'll meet you back in the compartment. I won't be long."

Regulus didn't look happy, but he turned and went on his way while Decima followed Lupin into Gryffindor territory.

"I hope you don't mind," he said, "I need to stop by my compartment to grab a few things. It'll only take a second."

"Of course," said Decima, and Lupin slid back the door to a rather noisy compartment. Inside were three boys playing a game of Exploding Snap. They waved as their friend entered, who went right to work sifting through his things.

"You brought us back a girl, Remus, how sweet of you!" said one of the boys by the window, with shaggy black hair, stormy gray eyes, and a regal air about him. "How very thoughtful!"

This was none other than Sirius Black, brother of Decima's boyfriend and single-handed runner of the harem known as the Hogwarts female student body. Decima had to admit, while Regulus was very good looking, Sirius was almost too good to be a real person.

Lupin scoffed. "Don't you recognize your own brother's girlfriend? This is Decima Zimmerman. She's a prefect."

Sirius's animated face dampened considerably. He didn't allow Slytherins into his harem (okay, so it was just a fan club), it was his personal rule, or something.

"I'll be back, guys," said Lupin. "I've got to run these over to Lily. It should only take a minute."

As she followed Lupin out of the compartment, Decima couldn't get over the uneasy feeling that Sirius had just been undressing her with his eyes. What he thought gave him the right to look at her like that, she didn't know.

She followed Lupin into a compartment housing the Gryffindor sixth year girls. Lily Evans, Mary MacDonald, Desiderata Botts, Serena Fawcett and Annmarie Finnigan were talking and giggling. They looked up when Lupin knocked and entered.

"These are the plans you wanted, Lily. And this is Decima Zimmerman, one of the new prefects. We think you two might have grabbed each other's bags on the way out of the meeting without realizing it."

Evans looked down at the bag at her feet and her eyes widened with surprise.

"Oh, wow, good catch, Remus. I didn't' even notice, they look so much alike! Thanks for the plans!"

They switched bags and said their thanks and goodbyes and Decima made her way back to the compartment that she shared with Regulus, his best friend, and her three best friends.

Regulus's friend, Austin Gray, was dozing by the window, and Regulus looked as though he was close to dozing as well. The three girls, Christa Rosier, Gwen Bittner, and Philomela Hayes, were fervently discussing something, and without hearing a word, Decima could be sure the topic was boys. Christa was a sixth year, and Philomela a fourth year, but the four girls were inseparable.

Decima slid onto Regulus's lap, tossing her bag on the floor and giving him a sweet peck on the lips.

"Why so glum, sweetie?" she asked.

"Listen to your crackpot friends," was his grumbled reply.

Much to her surprise, they weren't discussing just any boy, but Sirius Black, her boyfriend's brother, and the very boy who had just mentally undressed her. Apparently, Philomela had a crush on him, like nearly every other girl at Hogwarts. There was just one problem, and Christa worded it perfectly.

"Black just doesn't go for Slytherins, not even for one night stands."

"KiKi's right, sweetheart," said Gwen. "It's better just to turn your eye to someone else."

Mentally, Decima felt a twinge of sympathy for poor, infatuated Philomela. After meeting the boy once, no crush involved, Decima couldn't help but subconsciously size up her own boyfriend in comparison to the ungodly good looks of Sirius. Even his own brother couldn't compete.

"Whatever," said Philomela in her sweet, little voice. "I'll just see what happens. Forget I even mentioned it."

"That sounds like a great idea," said Regulus, wrapping his arms around Decima's waist and kissing her neck softly.

Decima had grown used to the routine of Hogwarts. She and her friends filed off the train at Hogsmead Station, caught a carriage to the castle, sat through the Sorting and enjoyed the feast. After the feast, she and Regulus had to lead first years to the common room, which was a new part to the routine, but then they went to bed right away as usual, catching some sleep before classes stared the next day.

The next morning at breakfast, they went over their timetables and began gossiping over eggs. Regulus sat next to Decima, holding her hand, but distant.

"What's wrong?" she asked him as he poked through his eggs.

"Nothing," he said, clearly lying. "I'm just thinking about OWLs."

"Oh, you'll do great!" she said, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek. "You're a talented wizard."

He continued to pick at his eggs, but brightened visibly. At least, until an atypical occurrence for the Slytherin table occurred.

Sirius Black sat down across from Decima, squeezing in between Philomela and Gwen. Regulus frowned, Philomela nearly fainted, and Decima couldn't explain it, but a blush crept onto her cheeks. How very odd.

The rouge had the audacity to wink at her before turning to his brother, who was now furious, and saying, "Hey, man, I think we may have mixed up our cloaks when we packed. Yours is a tad small for me and I've got Herbology after breakfast."

Regulus nodded. "I'll go and get it."

"No," said Decima forcefully. "I'll go and get it. You need to eat your breakfast. I don't want you passing out in Potions."

And before he could argue, Decima was leading her boyfriend's brother to the Slytherin common room. She hesitated outside it, but Sirius grinned.

"I've already been inside, remember?"

Of course. Nearly every other prank the Marauders pulled involved the Slytherins or their common room. She led him inside and up to Regulus's dormitory, where she began going through his things, looking for the cloak.

Sirius sat on his brother's bed and made small talk.

"So, how long have you two been dating?"

"About a year and a half," she replied, not looking up in her pursuit of the cloak.

"How is he?"

What sort of a question was that?

"Ask him."

Sirius barked with laughter.

"I say we do a little experiment," he murmured, standing behind her and tracing a finger along her back. She straightened up and whirled around. "We have a little test run and you tell me who's better, love."

Her eyes widened. That's what he had been asking. She could barely believe his audacity.

"What about your little rule about Slytherins?" she said, snarkily as she could.

He grinned wolfishly and pulled her to him, whispering in her ear, "What about it?"

Her heart was going nuts and her mind was racing. Why did the way he held her have to feel so good? He began to nibble on her ear and she nearly sighed. No.

No, she was not going to turn into putty for him. He was her boyfriend's brother. He was bloody Sirius Black. She wouldn't be one of those girls.

Decima turned her head reluctantly, pulling her ear out of his teeth.

"There would be nothing to compare," she said honestly. "Your brother and I haven't done anything."

Off course, that didn't put him off. He backed her into the bed and climbed on top of her, giving her a winning smile.

"Let me show you what you're missing, babe."

His lips met her jawbone, kissing and sucking at her skin. She couldn't help it. Even in biting her lip, she couldn't keep the moans from escaping her mouth. She could feel him smirk against her skin.

He bucked his hips against her and she gasped. She couldn't lose herself in this. She had to get out of there. His hands moved to unbutton her shirt and she smacked him hard across the face.

Sirius recoiled in pain and shock as she scrambled out of his reach.

"Get your cloak and get out," she said shakily. "I'm going to be late for Potions."

Decima stormed out of the room, leaving the great Sirius Black in a state of shock and rejection on his brother's bed. She wondered bitterly what his fan club would have thought of that whole scene as she straightened her clothes before stepping into class and sitting down next to Regulus.

"I told him you were doing prefect duties," he said flatly as he organized ingredients.

"You lied to Slughorn?" said Decima, hoping to sound more surprised than breathless.

"Not exactly," said Regulus bitterly. "Helping Sirius is sort of like helping first years."

She didn't say anything. She hoped the first years wouldn't jump her like Sirius had just done. But she didn't want to tell Regulus about it, knowing he'd be furious and do something stupid, without thinking.

The day went by peacefully until lunch. In fact, Decima was getting the feeling that meals were just going to become painful. Sirius wedged himself between Philomela and Gwen once more and Decima found herself suddenly fascinated by the contents of her sandwich.

"What do you want, Sirius?" said Regulus, markedly irritated.

"I realized on the train ride yesterday," said Sirius casually, "that my little brother and I had grown apart. I thought I should try to fix that. I figured we ought to be closer, ought to share things."

Decima dropped her sandwich, not daring to meet Sirius's eyes. She could feel them on her. She muttered apologies and excuses and stumbled out of the Great Hall, wondering how she was going to explain her sudden exit to her friends and Regulus.

That evening, Decima went to the prefects' bath instead of dinner, worried about talking to Regulus about her strange behavior. But there was already someone there. She couldn't see who it was through all the bubbles.

"It's me," said a voice she recognized. It was Regulus. So relieved that she forgot she had been avoiding him, she undressed and slid into the water.

But it wasn't Regulus. It was Sirius. He raised a smug eyebrow at her.

"Damn, you two sound alike," she murmured, wondering if the prefects' bath was always so hot. He chuckled.

"So that's why you got in so easily."

He moved toward her and she scooted away, changing the topic of conversation.

"How did you get in here?"

Sirius barked with laughter as he caught up with her and wrapped his arms around her loosely. She shivered.

"The password to this room is one of Hogwarts' worst kept secrets, love. Don't worry, I didn't peek."

He was now whispering in her ear, holding her against the edge of the bath. It really was hot in there.

"This is wrong," she breathed.

"But you're enjoying it," Sirius whispered, moving his hand from her waist to her thigh.

Decima hated lying. She was one of the most creative truth-benders in the school, but she never lied. In this moment, however, she couldn't think of any way to bend or deny the truth. He was right. She was enjoying it. He brushed the underside of her breast with his free hand and it was all she could do not to sigh, but his eyes met hers and he smirked. He could see the lust in her eyes.

"No," she said, pushing him off her forcefully. "We can't do this. I need to go. Regulus will be worried."

Sirius's eyes darkened at the mention of his brother's name, but he averted them as she climbed out, dried off and got dressed.

"Why are you with him, anyway?" growled Sirius.

Decima sighed as she pulled her shirt on and did up the buttons.

"Why are you playing these games? Is this some sort of competition between brothers? Is it bothering you that much that a girl would rather have Regulus?"

She could hear the smirk in his voice as he said, "You didn't answer my question, love, and judging by today, I'd be willing to bet you don't prefer him."

"I don't see how it's any of your business why I'm with him," she said in a cold voice, "and you'd lose that bet."

Sirius turned to face her and winked. Her heart skipped a beat.

"I'll take that as a challenge, love. Consider it a bet."

And then, without warning, he climbed out of the water like some kind of a sea god and shook droplets out of his hair, not bothering to cover his dripping wet, incredibly fit body with a towel as he took his time about getting dressed, amused by her shocked expression.

"See something you like?" he said with a smirk.

Did she? Oh, yes. It wasn't fair that he was so incredibly toned and muscular. He didn't even play Quidditch. Regulus did, and he didn't look quite that good. Sirius's rippling abs led her eyes downward to his shamelessly uncovered sex and she blushed, noticing his finely sculpted legs before she shook her head and turned away.

"You're absurd," she said, trying to slow her thought and clean her thoughts.

"Absurdly handsome? Absurdly handsome? I've heard."

That smirk in his voice was almost unbearable. Decima watched him head for the exit. He paused just before stepping into the hall and winked at her.

"I'll see you around, love," he said suavely.

Decima took a few minutes to compose herself before heading down to dinner, thinking it was better not to delay the inevitable. She tried to seem calm and casual as she slipped into a seat next to Regulus, saying, "Hello, handsome," before pressing her lips to his.

At first, he was shocked, but then he relaxed, deepening the kiss. Decima tried to forget anyone else was around, nibbling on his lip, but Gwen flicked pudding at her.

"Oi, CiCi, up for air! We're trying to eat, here!"

Decima laughed and turned to the food, piling it onto her plate and noting her boyfriend's pathetically disappointed expression.

"Anyway," said Gwen, "what were you saying before we were so rudely interrupted, FiFi?"

Philomela sighed. "Did you see Sirius? He looks like he just got out of the shower. I wonder who he was in there with."

Decima dropped her fork and Regulus gave her a questioning look.

"What makes you say that, FiFi?" she said, trying not to look at either of the Black brothers.

"Haven't you heard that rumor that he never showers alone?"

With a genuine laugh, Decima shook her head. "I doubt that. Don't believe every rumor you hear, dear. Potatoes, GiGi."

She could feel Regulus's eyes on her as she took the potatoes, glancing across the room to where the Marauders sat. Sure enough, Sirius was still wet from their, well, whatever the hell you could call what he had just put her through. Of course, he could feel her watching him, and he met her stare, winking. She dropped her fork again and Regulus frowned.

"Are you okay, CiCi?"

"I'm just a little stressed out," she said truthfully. "I'm not really hungry. I'll see you later, sweetheart."

She made up a show of kissing him goodbye, mostly for Sirius's benefit, but Regulus didn't put up a fight. A quick glance over at the Gryffindor table, and the scowling Sirius Black was all she needed to put a smile on her face. Sirius Black, meet Decima Zimmerman. Two could play this dirty game.


	2. Of Sweet Dreams and Knives

Decima spent the next couple of weeks ignoring Sirius, since avoiding him was out of the question. That boy had more tentacles than the Giant Squid. She hadn't told Regulus about his brother's behavior. It was difficult to say why, but Decima supposed it was because she didn't want Regulus in any unnecessary trouble. She didn't want him losing his badge, and Slytherin couldn't afford to lose him at Quidditch. They'd never beat Gryffindor without him.

Two weeks into school, the Quidditch training season began and Decima was thrilled. She and Regulus made their way down to the pitch for their first team practice. Olwen Fysshwyk, a Slytherin seventh year prefect, was captain, and he, Decima and Gwen played Chaser. Christa was Keeper, Regulus was Seeker, and the Beaters were the other male prefect, Ioan DeForest, and a third year named Fred McPhail.

It was a good team, and Fysshwyk held high hopes of beating Gryffindor if Decima could keep up with James Potter, which was no small task. They headed to the changing rooms in high spirits. Gwen and Christa engaged Decima in a water fight in the showers, so she was the last one in the changing rooms, absolutely soaking wet. She had just yelled to Regulus that she would meet him up in the common room when Sirius Black appeared in the corner, pulling off some cloak and just popping out of thin air. She nearly screamed, but he crossed the distance between them in three short steps and covered her mouth with his hand before she could get the sound out.

His eyes looked her up and down before he whispered, "I just wanted to talk."

Snorting into his hand and rolling her eyes, Decima crossed her soggy arms and leaned against the wall, giving him an opening to speak. He took the hand from her mouth and sat down on the bench, almost collapsing, running his hands through his hair.

"Has – has my brother…" he began. His voice caught in his throat and he looked up at her with tear-filled eyes.

Decima gasped and instinctively sat next to him, petting him comfortingly before she realized this was Sirius, not Regulus. Her hand dropped awkwardly, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Have you talked about his plans for when he leaves Hogwarts?"

She stared at him. He was shaking violently. Had he really ambushed her in the changing rooms to interrogate her about his brother's career plans? Why was he so distressed? She rolled her eyes and lied down on the bench, exhausted.

"No," she said finally. "Anything else you'd like to bug me about?"

At first, Sirius didn't say anything. They just sat in silence, waiting for someone to break it as Sirius absently traced his fingertips across the damp fabric covering her thigh and Decima wondered absently why she didn't stop him.

"I'm not just doing it to bug him, Zimmerman," he said finally. "You're beautiful and I want you. He's not good enough for you."

Decima scoffed and said, "How would you know if he's good enough for me? You don't know me, Black! You don't want me; you want a shag to add to your list of conquests. I'm not interested."

He leaned over her so that their noses almost touched and whispered, "I want to know you, if you'll let me, whatever pace you'd like. Once we know each other, you can make up your mind, but in my defense, you don't know me either, love."

She should have said no. She should have pushed him off her and stormed out, full of righteous anger. She shouldn't have let him talk to her in the first place. Why did Decima make so many stupid mistakes where he was concerned? It had to have something to do with those pretty eyes.

"Fine," she muttered. "First thing you should know about me is I have a personal space bubble."

He grinned and kissed her cheek softly.

"Well, that's too bad, babe, because I don't respect those."

"Of course you don't," she groaned. "Now get off me so I can get changed."

She was surprised when Sirius Black got up and turned around, letting her change in something akin to privacy.

"When can I see you again?" he said, again, shocking her with the sincerity in his voice. He really was good at this caring act. No wonder girls had delusions that he loved them. One thing was certain, Decima Zimmerman wasn't about to spill her guts to the boy because he was a good actor. She wasn't about to reward his behavior. He might get ideas, and that couldn't be good for his ungodly large ego.

She snorted as she pulled a dry shirt over her head and said, "What, you mean you're not just going to pop out of thin air whenever you want to talk to me?"

He laughed and said, "Well, I could do that, but I seem to recall promising to do this at your pace, which means on your terms, which would actually be a lot easier on me than appearing out of thin air all of the time."

She pulled on her robes and said, "Well, my suggestion is that you get to know me like a normal person. You know, eat with my friends, talk to me in groups and things."

"That goes both ways, love," he said, somehow sensing she was dressed and turning around. "You could join me every once in a while, too."

She groaned and said, "Tell you what, how about for every three times you hang out with my group, I owe you once with yours?"

He frowned, his brow furrowed.

"Now, I'm not the best at maths, love, but that's not entirely fair."

"Well," she reasoned, "I'm not bloody Sirius Black, who can sit wherever he wants without any questions asked. And you don't conveniently pal around with any of my relatives. Consider it my sacrifice. Besides, you'll be seeing an awful lot of me soon enough."

"What?"

"I'm staying with your family over Christmas."

He visibly swallowed.

"You don't want to do that."

She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, yes, because you know me well enough to know what I want." She grabbed her bag and turned to storm out, but turned to face him one last time. "And Black? I have a name. It's Decima. Use it."

She couldn't wipe the image of that grin from her mind as she headed back to her common room, acutely aware of the fact that she had taken far too long in the changing room and Regulus was probably freaking out in the common room with worry at that very moment. For a while, Decima tried to think of plausible excuses, but decided it would be easier if she just kissed him. He couldn't think clearly enough to yell at her after a good kiss.

However, she was disturbed not to find him pacing the common room on her arrival. In fact, he wasn't even in the common room. Austin was missing as well. Now she was the one pacing the common room like a maniac. Hadn't she told him she would meet him here? Her mind was so jumbled from dealing with Sirius that she couldn't remember. She went to check his dormitory, which was empty, before returning to her pacing frantically around the common room. Maybe she had been gone so long that he had actually organized a search party. What if dozens of Slytherins were combing the castle for her this very minute?

Just then, her best friends entered the common room carrying their book bags.

"Oh, there you are," said Christa casually. "We were looking for you."

Oh, Merlin, all her worst fears were confirmed. He had finally done it. Regulus black had become paranoid enough to organize search parties.

Decima sighed and said, "How many people are looking for me?"

Gwen looked confused as she said, "As far as I know, just the three of us. Why? Did you prank someone or something?"

Or maybe his paranoia hadn't reached that point yet.

"Oh, never mind. Have you guys seen Regulus?"

"Yeah," said Philomela. "He said he had to go meet with some guys from his Ancient Runes class for a study session and he's sorry he forgot to mention it, but he'll see you at dinner."

"Oh, okay, thanks. Have you finished your Transfiguration essay yet, Gwen? McGonagall's going to kill me if I screw up as badly as I did on the last one."

"Yes," said Gwen solemnly, "writing on the wrong topic twice in a row would be far from promising."

"Oh, I go accosted by Sirius Black yesterday in Transfiguration," mused Christa casually over her Potions notes. "He was asking about you, CiCi."

"What?" squeaked Philomela.

Decima froze, hoping this wasn't real life. She repeatedly pinched the inside of her wrist, hoping that this was just some sort of ridiculous nightmare. No such luck, of course.

"Yeah, he asked about Decima."

"What did he say?" she said, attempting to sound only mildly curious.

"He wanted to know if there was a chance you would go to Hogsmeade with him."

"And what did you say?"

"I told him it wasn't bloody likely, considering you happened to be seeing his brother, and not to get his hopes up that you'd rendezvous in the prefect's bath either. He just laughed."

Decima just made a sort of noncommittal sound in her throat. There was no way Philomela could look any more horrified.

"And then Remus Lupin and James Potter proceeded to tell me after he left that he's got this weird obsession with you and he rarely sleeps, but apparently when he does he mumbles your name all night. A few times, he's woken up half of Gryffindor screaming it."

She didn't want to know what those dreams had been about. If Decima had though Philomela looked horrified before, she had been sorely mistaken. She thought her dear friend might combust. Unfortunately, that was the time Regulus chose to enter the common room, because Philomela shrieked, "Why in the name of Merlin is Sirius Black dreaming about you?"

Regulus's jaw dropped. Fantastic. This would take some serious damage control.

"How the hell should I know?"

"But he's screaming your name!"

"So he's probably having nightmares about me coming at him with knives! Don't think the idea hasn't crossed my mind. Anyway, it's time for dinner and I've got better things to do than contemplate the mind of that wanker." She smiled at Regulus. "Hey, sweetie, how was your study session?"

And before he could answer, she crossed the distance between them and planted her lips onto his until his tension faded and he began to respond her kiss as though they hadn't just been discussing his brother screaming her name.

"All right, you two," said Christa. "Dinner time, let's go. Don't make me separate you."

But dinner didn't improve things at all. Unfortunately, Sirius had chosen that meal to start taking her advice and he sat down between Gwen and Philomela once more, which was becoming his customary seat. Decima began examining her fork as he sat, Regulus growled, Gwen rolled her eyes, and Christa had the good sense to ask Regulus for the beets before he could jump across the table and tackle his brother on impulse.

Decima had been wondering how Philomela would respond when Sirius turned to her, holding out his hand and saying, "Hi, I don't think we've ever been properly introduced. My name's Sirius, what's yours?"

And with that, the poor girl burst into tears and stormed out of the Great Hall. Whoops.

Sirius frowned.

"Was it something I said?"

"That's Philomela Hayes, and she's desperately in love with you," said Christa casually. "And I suppose it is something you said because she just found out about you yelling her best friend's name in your sleep."

Sirius's eyes widened with shock as he looked around at the accusing faces. Decima's was not among them, as she had not the energy for looking at him or for looking accusing, and certainly not both at once.

"Who told you about that?"

"Your best mates," said Christa casually. "Could you hand me the salt, Sirius?"

He handed her the seasoning and said, "Okay, now Regulus, before you flip out, let me explain…"

"Yes, Sirius," said Regulus through clenched teeth, his gray eyes flashing. "Please, explain."

Sirius gulped.

"So I've been having this recurring dream about being chased by the Giant Squid and then it morphs into Decima coming at me with a knife." He took a spoonful of potatoes and heaped it onto his late. "I don't know if she's ever come at you with a knife, but it's bloody terrifying, mate."

Nice save. Perhaps the most disturbing thing about all of this was that Decima and Sirius thought alike. That didn't bode particularly well in Decima's mind. Regulus, however, had begun to breathe normally again and his grip loosened on his fork.

Somehow, Decima survived dinner. In fact, she managed to enjoy it. When it began, she though there was no way either was possible, but somehow, by the end, even Regulus was laughing at Sirius's jokes and they told stories from their childhood. Decima was shocked at how much like brothers they seemed when they were getting along. She wondered which side of them she would be seeing over Christmas holidays. Judging by Sirius's take that her going with them was a bad idea, she guessed it wasn't this side.

When they got back to the Slytherin common room, Philomela was nowhere to be found. Decima poked her head into her friend's dormitory, and there was the sound of an abrupt halting of sobs.

"FiFi?" she cooed softly. "Are you up?"

There was no reply.

"Well, I love you. Sleep well."

Decima made her way to her own room and collapsed on her bed.

"How's FiFi?" said Gwen from the next bed over.

With a great sigh, Decima responded, "How do you think? She's crying her eyes out."

"That knife story's bullshit. He wants you," said Gwen in the tone of someone who had just suggested that the sky might be blue.

Decima sighed again.

"I know that, you know that, and KiKi knows that, but it's better if Regulus believes the knife story. I thought he was going to strangle Sirius on the spot."

"So what's the deal with the prefect's bath?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," snapped Decima, a little too hastily.

Gwen laughed.

"You can't hide from me, CiCi. I saw your face when KiKi mentioned it, just like I saw your face just now. Spill."

"Well," groaned Decima, "we might have accidentally spent time in the prefect's bath alone. And he may have made some advances. But nothing happened."

"I believe you. FiFi won't."

"I know. I swear, I've got to be the one girl in this school who's praying he'll leave her alone, and I also happen to be the girl he's developed a weird obsession for. Don't you dare tell Regulus."

"Not a word," promised Gwen. "You're going to have an interesting Christmas, dear."

"I don't even want to think about that. I want to wake up tomorrow and have this whole day be a freakishly bad dream. Good night."

"Sweet dreams."

Decima drifted off to sleep and was awakened by a boy climbing into her bed. At first, she thought it was Regulus, but then he smirked at her. It was Sirius. He took off his shirt and crawled on top of her, catching her lips in a kiss before she could protest.

She kissed him back. He moved to take off her shirt and as he pulled it over her head he whispered, "I got tired of waiting."

Sirius began to trail hot kisses down her jawbone to her neck, and then down to her collarbone, where he left a couple well-placed love bites. She let a moan escape her lips as he pulled her pajama pants off her. Then his claws dug into her thighs.

Claws?

Decima sat up to find her roommate Catarina Boatright's cat settling on her legs for the night. It had been a dream. Actually, it had been a really, really good dream.

Curse Gwen and her seemingly innocuous nighttime pleasantries. The next person to wish her sweet dreams would wind up in St. Mungo's.

She didn't bother to change or cover up as she displaced the poor, well-meaning cat and stumbled out of her dormitory, out of the common room, and up to the kitchens, where she asked for a cup of strong tea. She had only just began sipping her tea and calming her heart rate when was joined by none other than Sirius Black himself.

"Hey, Decima," he said. "What's got you up at night?"

She couldn't say the truth. Decima didn't want to think about what it would do to his ego to tell him he was keeping her up. She shrugged and didn't return the question, already fairly certain she knew his answer.

"I hope your friend's all right," he said. "She seemed pretty distraught."

This must be his sick idea of small talk.

"Oh, peachy," said Decima, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "She only just cried herself to sleep and completely avoided me. I believe she's under the impression that we're secretly shagging and that's why you're having sex dreams about me."

"Now, now," he joked, "someone's mighty full of herself. Who says I was lying about the knife?"

She scoffed.

"Please, Sirius, nobody bought that but Regulus, and I'm thrilled he did, but don't play that game with me."

He shrugged and said, "So you won't go to Hogsmeade with me?"

"No," she said slowly, "but if you want to spend time with me, I may have just thought of a way to kill two birds with one stone."

"Really?"

"Take FiFi, that way she gets her dream and isn't mad at me, and you have an excuse to sit with us."

He considered her for a moment before nodding and saying, "I might just take you up on that. So, is it me, or are you coming up with ways to spend time with me?"

Decima rolled her eyes.

"In your dreams, Sirius."

"Yup," he said with a wink, "and in yours, too. Don't deny it."

As Sirius Black walked away, Decima became aware that this boy was going to be the death of her.


	3. A Complex Complex

Sirius began joining them regularly for meals. It had become such a normal thing that Decima stopped congratulating herself for not doing something stupid after every meal. One night after dinner, however, an owl was waiting on her bed with a note.

_Decima,_

_You owe me two meals. Breakfast and lunch tomorrow?_

_-S_

Her heart stopped. She had almost forgotten her end of the bargain. She scribbled back that she thought that would be fine and mentally prepared herself for the impending social doom of sitting at the Gryffindor table, with the Marauders, no less. When she woke in the morning, she felt far from rested and all she wanted was to crawl back under the covers, for more reasons than one.

Decima made herself up carefully, slipped the still-sleeping Gwen an explanatory and apologetic note, and made her way up to the entrance hall taking deep, calming breaths. When she reached the entrance to the Great Hall she froze, staring at it. Maybe there was still time to run downstairs again and say she overslept. Maybe she could end the whole arrangement. Her stress levels were high enough from OWLs and Sirius wasn't helping.

Just when she was about to turn and run, she felt hands hold her wrist from behind and a voice in her ear said, "Are you going to just stand here, or will you allow me to lead you to the food, love? I swear the toast is more attractive than the doorway."

Decima just rolled her eyes and pulled herself free from Sirius's gentle hold, marching into the Great Hall and turning to face him.

"Well?" she huffed. "Aren't you going to show me where to sit?"

He chuckled and said, "My pleasure, love." He led her to a seat across from Lupin and motioned for her to sit.

Potter, who was next to Lupin, said, "Wow, I thought you were joking, Padfoot. I didn't think you were actually going to bring Zimmerman to breakfast."

"What did you think I meant, Prongs?" said Sirius dryly as he poured Decima some juice.

Potter just shrugged.

"You look lovely this morning, Decima," said Lupin politely over his toast.

"Thank you, Lupin."

"Call me Remus, please."

She just nodded. The Marauders were putting her on a first name basis. Sirius must have noticed her shifting uncomfortably because he put a hand on her thigh and began telling jokes, which the other boys quickly joined in on. Soon, Decima was laughing and enjoying herself like she did this every day.

In fact, things went very well until Regulus arrived. He stood at the entrance of the Great Hall and dropped his bag with a loud thud when his eyes hit the Gryffindor table.

"Ugh," said Decima, careful not to look at her boyfriend. "He's going to kill me."

Sirius's face darkened.

"He'd better not touch you."

"Please, just ignore him," she muttered. "I'll be fine. I'll calm him down later."

Jaems buttered himself another piece of toast and said, "So you didn't tell him you were eating with us?"

"Uh, no," said Decima. "That would have been a lovely conversation. 'Hi, babe, I'm going to start eating with the Marauders on a semi-regular basis at the request of your brother. See you in class.'"

They boys laughed and Sirius leaned in and whispered softly, "Just like you haven't told him you've been dreaming about me, love?"

She blushed furiously and busied herself with eggs, but he just smirked and winked at her, making her blush even more furiously. So now he _knew_ she was dreaming about him. Maybe she'd have to fabricate her own knife story.

"Well," she said, "I'd best be getting to Potions. I've already been late twice and I'd like to pass my OWLs. Besides, I need to mentally prepare for a cranky Potions partner. See you at lunch!"

"I'm looking forward to it," said Sirius, who smiled softly at her. She could feel his eyes on her until she turned the corner after leaving the Great Hall.

Regulus was already in the dungeon, scowling down at a random page of his Potions book. Decima sighed and slid into the seat next to him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, baby," she said.

He looked up with a glare.

"What the hell were you thinking, CiCi? What's going on with you?"

She sighed. She had to think fast and get approval from Sirius later.

"It's nothing, sweetheart; your brother is just helping me with Transfiguration. I'm having lunch with them, too, but I won't do it all the time. It's just occasional."

Regulus was still frowning, but he couldn't seem to find fault with her story. He shook his head and kissed her on the forehead.

"You could have told me, love. You scared me; I thought he was taking you from me."

Decima scoffed.

"As if that would ever happen."

At lunch, Decima slipped into the seat next to Sirius again, who grinned at her as she sat.

"How was Potions?"

She shrugged.

"He's not mad. But you'll be pleased."

His smile faded a little and he looked slightly suspicious.

"Why?"

"You're my new Transfiguration tutor, congratulations."

They all laughed and Sirius said, "Well, love, I suppose that means we'll be seeing a bit more of each other."

She sighed.

"Don't hold your breath, Sirius. This doesn't mean anything."

He grabbed a second sandwich and said, "Really? Lying to your boyfriend, ditching your friends, sitting with the Gryffindors and having sex dreams about me all means nothing?"

Remus choked and sprayed sticky pumpkin juice.

"WHAT?"

"I never said anything about sex dreams," said Decima, though rather less insistent than she ought to have been.

Sirius smirked.

"So you just turned red for nothing? Why don't you just admit that you want me?"

The other three Marauders were watching in shock.

"Because," she said, "I don't."

But her voice was weak and noncommittal. His smirk only deepened.

"You don't sound very sure of that, love."

She wasn't. In fact, she was almost positive that she did want Sirius, but she was nowhere near ready to admit it. He leaned in and whispered in her ear, softly, "Tutoring starts tonight."

Decima was about to ask what he meant, but Remus noted that it was time to go to class and she didn't get the chance.

She sat with the Slytherins at dinner, but Sirius didn't join them and she didn't really enjoy herself. Regulus seemed to be making up for lost time and had his hands all over her, but she wasn't in the mood. Several minutes in, Sirius came over, but he didn't sit down.

"Hey, Decima, study session after dinner? I found that book I wanted to show you."

What game was he playing? Regulus didn't appear suspicious, so she nodded.

"Great," said Sirius, with his best smile. "Meet me in the library."

Christa snorted.

"This is way too weird, for me, Black. I mean, I know you're great at Transfiguration, and all, but since when do you tutor, and have you ever even set foot in the library?"

Sirius leaned down and winked at her.

"Ah, Rosier, that just shows how little you know about me."

And with that, he returned to the Gryffindor table, but Decima could feel him watching her the whole meal with hungry eyes. At one point, she caught his gaze and he smirked at her, licking his spoon thoughtfully. She nearly shuddered at the heat in his gaze.

Maybe she shouldn't have agreed to meet him, after all.

Nevertheless, after dinner, she trudged up to the library and found a seat, flipping through a book, but not really paying attention to it. Her heart was absolutely pounding.

After several minutes, Sirius marched up to her, grabbed the book out of her hand, and set it down on the table. The look he gave her was the same he had given her in Regulus's bed. Before she had a chance to say a word, he brushed back the hair from her face and caught her lips in a forceful, passionate kiss.

Somehow, they were both standing, though she didn't recall leaving her chair, and he pushed her up against the bookshelf exploring her mouth with his tongue. She should have pushed him away. She should have smacked him. Instead, she let him run his hands all over her, groping and squeezing feverishly. She let him work his hands under her shirt and across the tender flesh of her stomach. She trembled. His hand grazed the underside of her breast and she moaned into his mouth.

Sirius pressed his body harder against her and began to grind his hips. Decima gasped, feeling his need pressed hard against her. This needed to stop, but she didn't know how to make it stop, and she wasn't sure she wanted it to. Regulus had never touched her like this.

After a few more minutes of kissing, touching, and Sirius grinding into her, Decima realized that she was standing in the middle of the library, cheating on her boyfriend with his brother. She wasn't sure if she was gasping from this realization or from the delicious pressure his tongue was applying to her collarbone, but she knew it need to stop before she lost her head completely.

She pushed him back and he paused before moving toward her again. She pushed him again and he whimpered.

"C'mon, Decima, please."

"Sirius," she whispered, breathless, "we can't do this. We just can't. I should go."

She grabbed her bag, but he grabbed her arm.

"No, don't do this. We can come to some kind of arrangement." His eyes pleaded with her to stay, and she almost dropped her bag, but she reminded herself of this situation and shook her head, shaking her arm loose from his grasp and rushing out of the library. That look he had given her was heart-breaking.

Decima straightened her robes, flattened her hair, and hoped she didn't look as though she had just been snogging. The moment she got back to the common room, Regulus said, "How was studying?" without looking up, and Decima grabbed his book, tossed it aside, and sat on his lap, pressing her lips tightly to his. Only then did she realize she had just mimicked Sirius, but it didn't matter, because Regulus responded perfectly. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him, licking her lip lightly.

She shuddered and parted her lips, allowing his tongue into her mouth. It was strange how alike those brothers were. Regulus's tongue explored her mouth in almost the same hungry path as Sirius's had not long ago. However, Regulus pulled back.

"You taste different."

Uh-oh.

With a sight, Decima took his hand and led him to his dormitory, which was thankfully empty.

"I need to tell you something, but you need to promise me not to overreact, all right?"

Regulus frowned and nodded and Decima pressed onward.

"Your brother has been trying to seduce me since start of term."

"WHAT?"

"Calm down, Regulus, he hasn't gotten me, and he won't," Decima sighed, not sure she believed her own words. "I like to talk to him, but he's not you. And I think I made that clear to him."

Regulus pulled her onto his bed.

"You're mine, Decima. I don't want him touching you." He rubbed the back of his neck, thoughtfully. "Maybe having you stay over Christmas is a bad idea."

"No," she said. "Don't let it bother you, sweetheart. Don't let him ruin our plans."

Without responding, Regulus pulled her into a feverish kiss, rougher and more urgent than usual. It was more like a kiss from Sirius. Decima gasped as he pushed her down, got on top of her, and undid his tie.

"Regulus, what are you doing?"

"Marking my territory," he growled as he practically ripped his own shirt off. He moved to under her buttons and she squirmed.

"Are you sure, sweetheart?"

"Don't try and talk me out of it, Decima. I want this, and I know you do, too."

She didn't argue. She didn't say anything at all as he went along, ripping the rest of their clothes off. He gazed hungrily down at her for a moment before placing hot kisses all over her body. She ran her nails down his back and she could feel him hardening against her leg.

"Oh my god," she gasped as he teeth found their way to her nipple. She continued to moan and gasp as he rolled his tongue along her breast. Closing her eyes in bliss, she didn't even notice that he had shifted until his throbbing member was being pushed inside of her. It hurt at fist and she cried in pain, but as he slowly worked in and out, the pain turned to pleasure and her cries took on a different meaning. It was almost as good as her dreams about Sirius had been.

Regulus quickened the pace and groaned as her hips bucked in time with his rhythm. He was so close, she could feel it, and as eh cried out, her entrance tightened around him, and they came together, panting heavily as his lips met hers sweetly.

As they curled up together in his bed, he pulled the covers over them and petted her face.

"You're mine, CiCi. I don't care if I have to curse every guy that looks at you; I don't want anyone but me touching this beautiful body ever again."

Decima nuzzled her face into his solid chest and sighed.

"I love you, Regulus."

"I love you, too, CiCi."

They cuddled and talked, and she fell asleep in his arms, peaceful and content, Sirius Black completely driven from her mind. That is, driven from her mind until morning.

At breakfast, Regulus ate with one arm draped protectively around Decima's shoulders, glaring at ever male body that passed, including his friends. She just calmly ate her eggs, hoping that she might have one day of peace, but she had no such luck.

In sauntered Sirius Black, looking better than ever, and Decima nearly dropped her fork. Regulus made an angry hissing noise as his brother sat in his usual spot, but calmed after a moment when Sirius began flirting not with Decima, but with Philomela.

Decima tried not to watch as Sirius made a show of whispering in Philomela's ear, nibbling on it gently as her eyes grew wide. Jealousy. That's what Decima was feeling and she couldn't explain why, because she and Regulus had been so happy the night before. Sirius saw met her eyes and smirked at her as he was leaving.

All day, a part of Decima wanted Sirius to surprise her in a corridor and kiss her again, but she had no such luck. After her confession, Regulus wouldn't let her out of his sight. He even walked her to the bathroom and waited outside the door for her, as though he though his brother might be lurking in the girl's toilet, waiting for Decima.

At first, it seemed sweet, but the protective behavior grew old fast. Regulus actually yelled at a sweet third year boy who asked if he could borrow her quill for a moment. She made Regulus apologize because the boy was crying.

When Regulus rejoined her on the couch of the Slytherin common room, Severus Snape, a greasy sixth year with a hooked nose, sat down next to Decima and a nerve was twitching in her boyfriend's jaw, but he didn't say a word.

"You got word about the time change?" said Severus. Regulus nodded and with that, Severus got up and left.

"What was that about?" said Decima, scribbling down the last of her Charms essay.

"Runes study group."

She frowned.

"Severus isn't taking Ancient Runes."

She detected a hint of nervousness in Regulus's blush.

"I meant Arithmancy."

"And why and I not a part of this study group?"

Arithmancy was easily her best subject.

"I – I…" he stammered. "Okay, look," he said finally, dropping his voice and glancing around, "there's no study group. I'll tell you when the time's right, but for now, you'll just have to trust me."

Not wanting to nod as though she was okay with this, she reminded herself that this time yesterday she was cheating on Regulus in the middle of the library. Reluctantly, she nodded. At least if Severus was involved, it was highly unlikely that he was using this time to see another girl.

"So," said Regulus, "what was that about at breakfast?"

She tensed.

"I don't know what you're talking about, sweetheart."

And then she leaned over and caught his lips in hers, but before she could deepen the kiss, Regulus pulled back.

"I'm not letting you off that easy," he said.

"What?"

"Oh, come on, Decima, any time you don't want to talk about something you try to distract me with a kiss. But I'm not doing it this time. You were jealous of her, weren't you?"

Did she really do that? She supposed she must, but not intentionally. Before she could lie to him about her jealousy, however, Gwen and Christa ushered Philomela into the common room and gave Decima a pointed look.

"Sorry, Regulus, I'm needed," she said, and followed the girls into her dormitory.

Philomela was in a state of shock.

"I thought he liked me," she said.

Decima sighed, sitting down next to her friend, really not wanting to know the details of her broken heart.

"FiFi, I need to tell you something about Sirius. She's been trying to shag me since term started."

"What?"

"He's trying to steal me from Regulus. I think it's some kind of twisted sibling rivalry. Anyway, at breakfast he was trying to make me jealous because I ran away from him in the library last night."

"It's not fair!" Philomela cried. "You've got both Black brothers tied around your little finger and the rest of us might as well not try!"

Decima frowned. What did that mean?

"What FiFi means," clarified Christa, "is that she feels inferior to your beauty and charm and is temporarily irrationally upset with you, but she'll feel better in a few days and we'll all pretend none of this ever happened."

Decima would have blinked in amazement, except this sort of thing happened yearly with Philomela, which was why Christa was able to give such a detailed translation. Gwen said Philomela had a complex. Decima though Philomela _was_ complex.

Decima wandered back out to the common room to find that Regulus had disappeared. With a sigh, she gathered up her things and went to the library, hoping to be bothered for the rest of the night. Of course, she had no such luck.

She had no sooner sat down than Sirius Black had sat down next to her. Grumbling inwardly, Decima shielded her horrifically bad essay from his view as she worked.

"All alone in the library, Decima?" he cooed in her ear.

She shot him a glare.

"Bugger off, Black. You have no tact! Don't you know FiFi has a complex?"

He stared at her puzzled and she realized that what she had just said wouldn't make sense to anyone outside of her immediate circle of best friends. Decima sighed and dropped her quill.

"Look, Philomela has a yearly meltdown about her inferiority to me, and your treatment of her today triggered this year's. Congratulations. They usually don't happen until at least February. So she won't talk to me for the rest of the week and it's entirely your fault!"

Sirius just chuckled and shrugged.

"Ah, well, I'm sure she'll get over it. But I'm surprised my brother let you out of his sight. He's been quite protective today."

She blushed.

"Yes, well, he had a meeting. And he's got a right to be a little territorial."

Sirius's eyes darkened.

"What meeting?"

Decima shrugged absently, turning back to her essay.

"He won't tell me yet, but he said someday he will."

This didn't appease Sirius, who was still tense.

"You had sex, didn't you?"

Her eyes widened and she fixed them on her essay, determined not to look at Sirius.

"What–?"

"A brother knows," said Sirius with a shrug. "I'd still want that comparison shag."

She scoffed.

"Not a chance."

"Ah, well. So, what are you working on?"

She blushed deeply.

"Nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing."

"Well, it is."

"It looks like an essay."

Before she could say anything he snatched the parchment from in front of her.

"Woah, what's this supposed to be on?"

She blushed even deeper.

"Animagi."

"You were right. You've got nothing."

Angrily, Decima snatched back her parchment.

"Well, I really am awful at Transfiguration. Me needing a tutor was plausible. Anyway, I'm going to bed. Good night, Sirius."

And Decima gathered her things and left Sirius sitting in the library with a thoughtful expression that made Decima worry that he was about to do something to screw with her life again, and probably her hormones, too.


	4. Growing up Pureblood

Decima hated turning in her essay in Transfiguration knowing she would fail it, but it was better to show that she had made the effort than to not turn in anything at all. Professor McGonagall glanced down at the parchment with pursed lips and said, "See me after class, Miss Zimmerman."

She could feel the eyes on her as she blushed and nodded, not daring to meet even the eyes of Regulus or Gwen. Everyone knew she was horrible at Transfiguration, but it didn't make her feel any better to have it pointed out in front of everyone in Slytherin, especially after Sirius Black had just asked Philomela to Hogsmeade for that weekend. Decima didn't know why, but she wanted to scream, and the horrible scenes playing through her mind of how McGonagall would punish her for her abysmal essay didn't help her mood.

As soon as the bell for class rang, she told Regulus not to wait up for her, not wanting him to see her cry, which she knew she would be doing when she finished her, and she also knew it was completely irrational. There was no point in being ashamed of the best she could do, but she was still ashamed. Heart pounding in her chest, she waited for the other students to empty the room before moving toward Professor McGonagall's desk. Just as she was about to ask why Professor McGonagall wanted to see her, the door swung open again and in sauntered Sirius Black, smug, confident, and suave as he made his way to the desks in the front row and sat on top of one.

"Present and accounted for, Professor," he said with a smile.

"I noticed, Black," she said. "Miss Zimmerman, I have decided you need a tutor, and after careful deliberation, I asked Mr. Black if he would take the job."

No. No. This couldn't be happening. This was all her fault for not hiding her essay when Sirius asked about it. It was all her fault for letting him know she was bad at Transfiguration. It was all his fault for taking such extreme measures to be alone with her. It just wasn't fair, damn it!

"Who else were you considering, Professor?"

Professor McGonagall frowned and said, "Well, not that it matters, I thought about James Potter, but their skills are very similarly matched and I think Mr. Black would be a better teacher for you."

She wanted to fight back. She wanted to say no. She wanted to beg Professor McGonagall to put her with anyone else, or no one at all, to swear she'd do better. But that wasn't exactly something she could swear, and she knew resistance was futile. Regulus would be furious.

"Well," said Sirius, "should we start tonight?"

That smirk, that arrogant smirk. She wanted so badly to smack it off his face, but she just smiled politely and nodded, saying, "Yes, Sirius, I think that would be fine."

Regulus wasn't happy, but the order had come from Professor McGonagall, and she was one of those women you just didn't argue with if you valued your free time. Somehow, Decima managed to survive the week, and Sirius behaved himself quite well. Sure, he stared at her, but he didn't make any unnecessary physical contact and he didn't say anything suggestive. It was probably a ploy to get her guard down, but it wasn't going to work.

That weekend, Decima pulled on a long-sleeved green shirt and jeans, trying to look reasonably modest, but knowing Sirius would stare at her anyway. She mentally chastised herself. She wasn't dressing for Sirius anyway; she was going with Regulus and ought to be dressing for him. Still, she put on her makeup and put her hair up in a ponytail, thinking the whole time how to not look too good, since Sirius was going to be bad enough just with her being there. They walked out to meet their fellow students, heading to Hogsmeade in a large, boisterous group.

They reconnected with Sirius and Philomela at the entrance to the Three Broomsticks, and Decima realized that the other Marauders were joining them as well. Not only was this going to be awkward, but Decima didn't know how to act. The Marauders saw her without all the pretenses that Slytherin required, and she didn't know how to live in both worlds at once. Mind running through a million worst-case scenarios, she slid into the booth after Regulus, noticing him tense as Sirius slid in after her.

"So, Decima," said James, "we've missed you at our table. Your laugh was a wonderful addition to our jokes."

She laughed in spite of herself and said, "Well, Sirius is my tutor again, so maybe you'll get lucky and see more of me."

"James doesn't think he's gotten lucky until he's gotten into Lily's pants," said Peter solemnly. Sirius, Remus and Decima roared with laughter while the Slytherins sat uncomfortably by and James blushed furiously.

"Hey, it will happen!"

"Sure it will," said Decima dryly, "and I'll get into Sirius's."

She realized how that sounded almost as soon as it left her mouth, but it was too late to take it back. Regulus was already freaking out and Sirius was staring at her with an odd sort of look on his face, somewhere between hurt and desire.

James waited for Regulus to run out of air from telling her off and said, "So, like I said, pretty good chance, then."

As Regulus stared off again, James just winked at her and drank his butterbeer as she tried desperately to calm her raging boyfriend.

"Sweetheart, it was sarcasm. It was sort of like saying 'When Christa gets with the Giant Squid.' I didn't mean it, please stop overreacting, people are staring."

He eventually calmed down, but he kept a possessive arm around her waist the whole afternoon, glaring daggers at his brother every minute or so. Sirius didn't seem to notice or mind, and his leg was pressed against Decima's in a way that let her know it had nothing to do with them being crammed tightly around the table. After the week had gone so well, Decima just wanted to crawl in a hole and die, and all because of something she said. And she thought Sirius was going to be the problem!

Sirius actually was a good teacher, she found out, and he did seem intent on her learning as much as possible. Her performance in Transfiguration was improving so drastically so quickly, Professor McGonagall started to ask her if Sirius was doing her homework for her, when she thought about it and said that Sirius never even did his own homework, so never mind.

The days grew shorter and colder and Decima found herself spending more and more time with Sirius in the library, studying, practicing, talking, and just being around him. She told herself rationally that she wasn't falling for him, he was just good company. She held true to her promise to James and frequented the Gryffindor table for a meal every other day, at the least. Her behavior had actually gotten her talked to by several Slytherins, who were worried she was betraying them. The excuse of her Transfiguration grade was being stretched so thin that few people were buying it anymore, including Regulus. Still, she couldn't make herself stop.

"So," he said one day in early December, as she sat with them at breakfast while Professor McGonagall went around collecting names of those staying over the holidays, "are you still going home with us over the holidays?"

Decima nodded and buttered another piece of toast.

"Yeah, my parents wouldn't let me do otherwise at this point."

"Wait, you're staying at the Black's place?" said James incredulously. "Sirius never lets us come over."

"My parents wouldn't let you come even if I asked, Prongs," replied Sirius. "She's not my guest, she's my brother's, and you're forgetting that her family is in a lot better favor in our community than yours."

Decima shifted as James nodded. There was so much in that status that ranking that purebloods had for their families, and it made her own home life hell sometimes. When her parents found out she was dating a Black they were over the moon, though they were a little disappointed it wasn't the eldest, until they learned that Sirius was the black sheep and not likely to inherit, anyway. Sometimes all the society and expectations was drowning, and there was no escaping it in Slytherin. Severus Snape was refreshing, since his best friend had been Lily Evans, a Muggle-born witch, for five years, and Decima was close to certain that his father had been a Muggle, or Muggle-born at least, since there were never any Snapes at the pureblood parties she and the Black boys had been attending since birth.

"Anyway," said Sirius, derailing her train of thought, "I just wanted to tell you to be careful."

"What?"

"Be careful, Decima, when you come to my house. I don't think they'll hurt you but…"

"What makes you think they might hurt me?"

Sirius sighed, "I don't know, maybe because the do it to me every time I go home. You'll see. I doubt they'll refrain just because we've got a guest. With your family's standing, they'll expect you to just take whatever they dish out, at you or me, and to keep your mouth shut about it."

Somehow, that wasn't surprising. Her own family had beaten her sometimes growing up, but Sirius sounded actually scared for her, which was strange. Her parents might not have been the most humane disciplinarians, but they would never permanently harm their only child and heir, especially the daughter. Scars didn't look good on a young woman who was supposed to be married off to a nice pureblood young man. Nobody wanted a disfigured wife.

"Well," Decima said, "I think I can handle myself. I was raised pureblood too, remember?"

He nodded and said, "Just promise me you'll be careful. Try not to step on any toes."

"Again," she snorted, "raised pureblood. I think I know how to avoid a conflict."

"Really?" said Remus doubtfully. "You seem to have them happening all around you this year."

"Well that's not _my_ fault," she said, looking pointedly at Sirius.

"Oh, I don't know, love," that suave boy said. "I seem to remember you stepping into that mess at Hogsmeade all on your own."

Oh he just had to go there. With a sigh, she took a bite of her toast, bid them goodbye, and returned to her dormitory to pick up her books. It was only a short while until the holidays. She just had to make it a little while and she could just focus on being with Regulus and impressing his parents. It shouldn't be that hard, she spoke with them nearly every year at the balls and parties the pureblood society put on, even if only briefly. She knew how to act, what to say, whom to flatter and whom to defer to. She just had never had to play that game on a daily basis before, in everyday life, with a rebellious teenage boy in the house who not only didn't get along with the rest of the people in the house, but wanted to shag her senseless if she gave him the opportunity.

Maybe this would be harder than she thought…

Somehow, Decima managed to make it through the days without having to eat words and without sticking her foot in her mouth with Regulus again, which was good, because she didn't want to think about being at his house while they weren't on great terms. Sirius had behaved like a proper gentleman, and she had taken to eating almost exactly half of her meals at the Gryffindor table because the company was just so much more enjoyable. Screw the rumors. It was nice to eat a meal without having to worry about what she did and said every once in a while. Even if she said something stupid, the Marauders just laughed it off. That didn't happen with her friends.

She and Regulus sat in a compartment to themselves on the way back, snogging a lot of the way, of course, but also talking about the term and how they felt about the rest of the year. She rested her head against his body, feeling his warmth and breathing him in eagerly. She really did care about Regulus, and she certainly liked him, but his behavior lately had been odd, scattered, and not like his usual self at all. She supposed the same could be said about her, but there was an explanation for her odd behavior, and it was all out in the open. Decima couldn't seem to understand why Regulus was suddenly all jumpy and anxious, why he was short with her when she had done nothing wrong and why he had even been neglecting his prefect duties more often than not, and she found herself making excuses to Longbottom.

When they arrived at King's Cross, Regulus got her things off the train for her and then got his own. Sirius said goodbye to the other Marauders as soon as they were on the other side of the barrier and joined them, the trio walking up to Mr. and Mrs. Black, who were standing to the side, waiting impatiently for the three teenagers.

"Decima Zimmerman," said Mrs. Black, her voice shrill and cold, though Decima knew it wasn't personal. She just sounded like that with everyone.

"It's wonderful to see you again, Mrs. Black," Decima said graciously. "I'm much honored that you have welcomed me to your home for the holidays."

Mrs. Black nodded as though to say that she should be grateful indeed and led the way to the Muggle car Decima knew she must hate. Mr. Black, Mr. Orion Black, gave her an unreadable gaze, kissed her hand as was customary, and grabbed her things, as was also customary, making sure that she needn't break a sweat.

The ride to Grimmauld Place was silent and Decima found herself somehow awkwardly sandwiched between Sirius and Regulus, neither of whom, surprisingly, wanted to touch her at all with their parents in the car, even if they could make it look like it was accidental. She had never seen Sirius so dejected before.

The house was, well, interesting. It was dark, gloomy, and rather like many pureblood houses, though surprisingly without the grandeur she had expected of their station. The heads of dead house-elves in their hall was certainly an unpleasant shock, but she kept her face as level as possible as Regulus led her to the kitchen for some supper.

As soon as the kitchen door closed, Decima could hear the sound of a hand making swift contact with a face and she knew Mrs. Black had just slapped her eldest son. She shifted uncomfortably, eyes glued to the door, although Regulus hadn't seemed to notice the voices now raising from the hallway, yelling at him for his behavior, the letters they had received about the number and nature of his detentions, and about how he was such a disgrace to the family. Perhaps Regulus was just pretending not to hear. There was no way he really couldn't hear this.

She stared down at the plate the house-elf had sat before her suddenly not hungry as she heard Sirius grunting in pain outside the door. She hadn't expected them to assault him the minute he walked through the door. Decima did poke through her food, but when the kitchen door swung back open and Sirius came in with a bloody lip and a handprint burning on the side of his face, she dropped her fork and gave him a pained look. He met her eyes with a stony face before dropping his eyes to the floor and sitting down to eat.

The situation with Sirius and his parents didn't seem to diffuse with time. In fact, the longer he was home the more ways his mother and father came up with to torture him. One morning, she saw him copying from a book of pureblood societal doctrine with a quill, parchment, and no inkwell while his mother looked on, sipping her tea. Decima sat down to breakfast and tried to ignore the oddity of the situation until she saw Sirius's face screwed up in pain and concentration as his hand moved across the page. She could see blood soaking through his Muggle t-shirt. Mrs. Black was making her son write with a blood quill. She was actually torturing her own son. Suddenly, Decima had no appetite.

There was no time alone with Sirius, which she should have been grateful for, but instead, she found it irritating. She wasn't sure why, but Decima would sit down with Sirius in the parlor and one of this parents must have sensed it and would walk in and sit down only seconds later. They gave her plenty of time alone with Regulus, however, and Orion had actually offered for them to share a room, but Decima declined, knowing that even if it was offered, it wouldn't be proper.

Sirius was far from his usual self; in fact he was something like a kicked dog. He hardly talked, he never laughed, and he didn't stare at her. He hardly looked up from the floor. In fact, one night at dinner, something she said caused him to look up and wink at her, and that action alone was enough to make his parents completely lose their tempers with him. Decima looked on in horror as Mrs. Black began to use the Cruciatus Curse on her own son. Sirius cried out in pain, falling out of his chair and writhing on the floor. Regulus could see the tears forming in Decima's eyes as she watched Sirius twisting in pain and he took her hand, leading her out of the room.

"Go to bed, CiCi," he whispered in her ear outside of the room they had set aside for her. "Sirius is going to have a long night."

She accepted his goodnight kiss, but she didn't kiss him back. Her mind was in a sort of shock from what she had just witnessed. Maybe Sirius was right. Maybe she shouldn't have come.


	5. Getting Out Alive

Decima heard sounds of screaming as she changed for bed. Sirius shouldn't have winked at her. Despite it being winter, it was very hot in the Black house, and their sheets were so thick that she decided to go to bed in just her bra and panties. She knew it was partly her fault that Sirius was being punished again, and she felt awful about it. She couldn't believe the kinds of things his mother would do to him, and what's more, she couldn't believe Regulus could just sit there through it all, regarding his brother's pain like it was nothing. How many times had this happened?

There were sounds of running in the hall as she climbed into bed and pulled the covers over herself. Just as she turned out the light, the door flung open and Sirius ran in, covered in blood, and closed the door behind him, panting. She sat bolt upright.

"Sirius!" she said, but he hushed her. They must be looking for him. She dropped her voice to a whisper. "Oh, Merlin, what did they do to you?"

He winced and shrugged.

"They've probably done worse. You saw the blood quill, right? I've got scars all over my back from that thing."

Footsteps were approaching the door and he gave her a pleading look, diving into the closet and closing the door in front of him most of the way, but he left it open enough to see what transpired. Decima fell back on her pillows and pretended to be asleep as Orion Black came in, searching the room wildly with his eyes for his son. They stopped, however, on the supposedly sleeping Decima, obviously practically nude and curled up on her bed peacefully. After staring at her a moment, he crossed the room toward her on tiptoe.

He looked remarkably like his sons, though not quite as handsome, but certainly could have been in his younger days. His fingertips brushed Decima's bare shoulder and her eyes flew open and she shrank away from his touch.

"Mr. Black!" she said as sleepily as she could. "Can I help you with something?"

She didn't like the greedy look in his eyes. Why did she have to have this same problem with all the men in this bloody family?

"Actually," he said huskily, "you might be able to help me with a few things."

She didn't like where this was going and she hoped that Sirius would keep his cool and not jump out of the closet. With her mostly naked, it wouldn't do to be caught hiding Sirius in her closet. Decima tried to keep her voice polite and even.

"And what might those be?"

"First of all," he said, "have you seen Sirius?" She shook her head, knowing she wouldn't be able to speak the lying, and afraid that she wouldn't be able to twist the truth in a satisfactory fashion. "Also…" His eyes grazed her neck before his fingers did. "Regulus was right. You are very, very beautiful."

She wanted to scream. This had to be some sort of nightmare. He was leaning over her, undoing his pants.

"What are you doing?" she said weakly, trying to slide away from him, but he just kept moving toward her. He pulled down the sheets, despite her efforts to keep them up, and gazed hungrily down at her exposed body. She squirmed under his eyes, seeing him hurry to take off his pants. She began to hyperventilate.

"I thought you might like to take care of something for me," he murmured. "Now be a good girl and give me a kiss."

She knew what she wanted to do, what she ought to do, and that they were two totally different things. She wanted to say no and run for it. But her parents had taught her that no matter what a man with such standing in pureblood society as Orion Black asked her to do, she had best do it and do it with a smile. There was a social structure to be observed, and she had no right to be refusing this man's demands.

Decima didn't have to lift her head off the pillow very far to meet his lips; his face was so close to hers already. It was strange and wrong, and she tried to pull away, but his hand was on the back of her head, holding her in place, while his other hand was on her wrist, forcing her hand down to his sex. She struggled, knowing her parents would be furious with her for doing so. She tried to scream, but his mouth muffled the sound. The one thing she could think to do was dig her nails in where she knew he wouldn't want them, and he pulled back, crying out in pain. Angrily, he slapped her across the face.

That was the only cue necessary for Sirius to fling the closet door open and wordlessly put his father in a full Body-Bind. For good measure, he punched him in the face, knocking him unconscious. Decima stared at the man on the floor in shock, tears beginning to stream down her face.

"What the hell were you thinking?" said Sirius. "Why did you let him touch you? Why did you kiss him when he told you to?"

She shrugged.

"He told me to. He's a lot more powerful than I am. I don't know if you ever noticed, Sirius, but I do a hell of a lot of things for self-preservation."

Shaking his head he said, "You do things because your psycho pureblood parents have brainwashed you into thinking they're right. You're better than this, Decima. You deserve more than being raped by your boyfriend's father just because he's a rich and powerful pureblood who told you so."

Sirius took a deep breath and took her in with his eyes, and for a moment Decima half expected him to jump her, but for the first time he looked at her with no lust in his eyes, only pity. Sirius Black had rarely come closer to seeing her nude, but all he could think about was what had almost happened. She shook her head in amazement. Maybe he wasn't the walking, talking hormone she thought he was.

"What are you going to do?" she whispered, lifting up a hand to touch one of the gashes on his face. The blood hadn't dried yet.

"I'm getting out of here," he said firmly. "Tonight. You can come with me; I'm going to the Potter's. They'd love to have you."

Shaking her head, she replied, "No, I have to stay here."

"No, you don't! My father won't forget this. He'll not leave you alone, and living under his roof for two weeks doesn't help. Please, Decima, come with me. I want to know you're safe."

She hesitated. She wanted to go with him. She wanted to get out of there, but she knew it would feel wrong to run away, even if it was just because of the voices of her parents whispering in her ear. She needed to stay.

"No, Sirius. I'll help you leave, but I can't go with you. Regulus needs me."

With a sneer, Sirius said, "Regulus stays out of their way, he doesn't need you. He would have sat here and watched my father beat and rape you if he had been in my shoes. He can't bring himself to tell them no. Decima, please, I want to know you're safe and okay. Will you at least write to me? Write to me as often as possible, no less than once a week, and tell me if he does something to you?" His eyes were pleading and strange. "If I don't hear from you for more than I week, I'm coming back after you, and you can't make me leave you here twice."

Knowing it would be best to have an ally on the outside, she nodded, thinking she could always lie in writing if she decided she didn't want him to worry about her. Sirius gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek and whispered, "Take care of yourself, Decima. It's a loony bin around here."

"Please," she whispered, "call me CiCi."

He smiled a little half smile, which looked out of place on his bloody face, and said, "Take care, CiCi."

When he walked back out of the door, dragging his unconscious father, she figured she wouldn't see him again until school started back up in January. With a sigh, she curled up and vaguely thought to herself to wear pants and long sleeves to bed, no matter how hot it got in this blood house. She didn't want a repeat of the night's events, or even worse, an enhanced version.

She was, however, unlucky. She told Regulus what had happened, and he looked upset and stony faced, but despite all his words at school about not wanting another man to touch her, he didn't say anything when his father leered at her over breakfast, and didn't do anything when his father would make excuses to separate them, to get her alone. She didn't want to admit it, but Sirius might have been right. Regulus might have sat there and watched his father rape her. Was he just doing this for self-preservation, too? She had seen what Mr. and Mrs. Black had done to Sirius before he ran away from home. Regulus probably didn't want to become the next punching bag.

Decima had somehow found ways to avoid Orion Black until the Christmas Party at the Malfoy's, which all the pureblood families attended annually. The first thing she did was seek out her mother.

"Mother," she pleaded, "can I come home? Can I please come home?"

Her mother frowned and said, "Why, have you been misbehaving? Have you offended your hosts? Do we have to grovel with the Blacks on your behalf?"

"No, mother," she lied quickly, "not at all, I just miss you! I miss being at home with you. I didn't realize how hard it would be to spend the entire break somewhere else."

"I think you ought to stick it out, Decima," her mother said, dryly and unsympathetically. "Think it over during the party. You might change your mind."

And then, Mr. Black in the flesh came striding over.

"Ah, Orion!" said her mother happily. "It's good to see you again. I see you're a child short this year. Is Sirius ill?"

"Sirius has been disowned," said Mr. Black smoothly. "He has completely denounced the ways."

"Ah, I see," said her mother sadly. "I'm very sorry to hear that, but I suppose there's the occasional rotten egg in every bunch."

Decima was practically seeing red. How dare they talk about Sirius like that? Her mother was clearly thinking that Regulus was now the heir to the Black fortune. Sirius wasn't just some commodity that could be good or bad depending on how you wanted to use it. He was chivalrous and talented and brave and… and…

"I hope my daughter hasn't been causing any trouble for you, Orion," her mother said. Ah. She was trying to see what the real reason behind Decima's coming home was. Sneaky woman.

"Oh, not at all, Glorinda. She's a tad feisty, but I believe that can be fixed."

He was fixing Decima with one of his lustful stares and she wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Her mother was watching Orion Black watch her, and the comprehension was just visible on her face before she gave a small smirk.

"I'm sure Decima will enjoy the rest of her vacation with you. She really is a very good girl when she realizes right from wrong. I trust that you're a good teacher, Orion."

Mr. Black nodded hungrily, holding out his hand to have Decima dance with him. She looked at it as though it was a spider about to bite her, but under the obedient gaze of her mother, she took it and followed him obediently to the dance floor. As the next song started, his hand that had begun on her waste slid slowly downward and she flinched. His face was inches from hers.

"I thought you might try to get away, pet, but I know your mother well enough to know she knows what's best for you. If you have any hopes of marrying my son, you need to learn to behave."

Marry Sirius? No, he meant Regulus, obviously, as Sirius was disowned and no longer considered part of the family. Her mother and Orion were arranging their marriage? Was that what was going on?

She was able to pull away from him after the first song, saying that it was hot and that she needed to get some water, but that she would be back later, on her word, which wasn't counting for much since she had started spending time with Sirius. Seeming to think her tamed, he allowed her out of his clutches and she went outside to the garden.

When she got there, Decima saw a cluster of young men near the hedge, and one woman, who she could recognize at any distance as Bellatrix Lestrange, the newly-married cousin of Sirius and Regulus. She saw Lucius Malfoy as well, long blond hair glistening in the moonlight, and for a moment she thought she saw Sirius, but when she realized it was Regulus, she smiled and waited patiently for him to finish his conversation. He looked over, saw her watching him, and excused himself from the group, leading her to a bench nearby.

"I've just escaped your father," she said. "You'll be pleased to know that my mother has arranged that I stay the rest of the holiday, whether I want to or not, and apparently we're getting married?"

He frowned.

"I wanted to talk to you about that," he said, shifting slightly. "I've been working on providing a future for you, and I've got my plans all lined up. Everything will be set once I'm seventeen. And I think we should get married as soon as your birthday comes."

"Regulus," she said, "what are you on about? We're still in school, we've got a lot of time to think about this…"

"There is no time," he said. "There's a war coming, and I've made sure I've gotten on the right side of things. I can provide for you in ways my brother can't. He's going to be on the run, he's picked the losing side."

"Why are you babbling on about Sirius when you practically just said that we're going to get married as if I have no say in it?" she said angrily. "What the hell is going on? What side are you talking about?"

He took a deep breath and said, "I've arranged with Bella to join the Death Eaters as soon as I'm of age. She agrees you'll make a lovely addition to the family."

Her face contorted with rage.

"Death Eaters? That's the right of things to you? That's you providing for me? First Christa siding with her brother on this, now you siding with your lunatic cousin! Maybe Sirius is right about you, you would have let your father rape me, wouldn't you?"

Regulus frowned.

"You mean he hasn't–?"

"Not yet, he hasn't!" she cried. "Sirius protected me, unlike you, who just sit there meekly and let him do whatever he pleases. I should have gone with Sirius when he offered me a safe place to stay. Now I've got nothing! I thought you were never going to let another man touch me!"

Regulus's gray eyes hardened cold with anger. She knew he was just doing what he had been told was right. She had been told the same. But Decima couldn't take it lying down anymore. Something was really wrong in pureblood society, and after watching Sirius get beat to a bloody pulp by his own parents, she realized she had to get out of there before that became her. Self-preservation didn't mean lying down and taking it anymore. It meant running away before you couldn't get out alive.

Storming up to Lucius she said sweetly, "Lucius, dear, I've just remembered, I need to owl someone, would you be a dear and let me borrow yours?"

Lucius, who had always had eyes for anything reasonably pretty with two sets of lips, grinned down at her and said, "Of course, pet, follow me."

She knew it was probably stupid to just follow Lucius up to his room, especially with all of the eyes of the pureblood community watching, but she just didn't care anymore. She needed a way out of there.

Decima took Lucius's quill and thanked him, scribbling a quick message to Sirius, telling him where she was, where she would meet him, and that she needed to get out of there. Then she whispered softly to the owl, "Take this to the Potter Manor."

She watched it go with a relieved smile and turned to Lucius, expecting him to offer her his arm and escort her back downstairs, but he didn't. He just gave her that same look Orion Black had started giving her regularly.

"We should be getting back down to the party," she said nervously. "People might think something's happening. Narcissa might get worried."

"Narcissa can handle herself," he said smoothly. Were all pureblood males taught the same suave tones from birth?

"I really ought to get back to Regulus. Or just back downstairs. Mr. Black–"

"– Understands how this game works, Decima, and you should as well. You ought to understand your family's precarious position."

Her parents were both from two of the weakest lines in pureblood society and had desperately wanted a son, so that they could marry him to a better family's daughter and they could gain some credibility for their line. The problem was, all they had was her, and it was a lot harder to get a pureblood family to let their son marry down than their daughter. In the eyes of all the purebloods at that party, the Blacks were slumming, letting Regulus be with her, but she was pretty enough that nobody said it out loud, even behind closed doors. There was a reason her parents had taught her to let the pureblood boys do what they wanted with her. They were hoping she might at least get pregnant with a bastard child of some man with good station. Even that would bring up their status. Decima began to hyperventilate.

"Lucius please don't do this," she said. "Please, my family might be desperate, but Regulus would be upset."

"Regulus has his superiors to look to as well," he said casually. "He wants to play with the big boys; he needs to learn his role in the game."

Death Eaters. Of course, even the heir to the Black fortune had to start at the bottom in that elite club, and Regulus didn't have Sirius's talent and savoir-faire. Sirius would have been at the top in a heartbeat, had he wanted to. But this wasn't about Sirius, she reminded herself. This was about staying alive long enough to get out of this hell.

"Please, Lucius, I'm afraid you wouldn't enjoy it."

He raised an eyebrow.

"And why is that?"

"Because," she said, fabricating as quickly as possible, "I'm at that time of the month."

Decima hoped the blush of her lie looked something like embarrassment. Thankfully, he seemed to buy the story because he held out his arm reluctantly and led her back down the stairs to the party, where Orion Black was thankfully not in sight. Perhaps he figured she would be upstairs with Lucius for a while and he shouldn't bother waiting. At any rate, she was able to sneak to the entrance hall with the door cracked open with no one noticing her, waiting for Sirius.

He had said to write when she needed him. He would come… wouldn't he? She felt herself waiting longer and longer, wondering if she shouldn't just shut the door on the cold air and forget about it, when a hand grabbed her shoulder.

"Waiting for something?" said a voice in her ear.

It was Orion Black. He must have seen Lucius in the crowd and gone looking for her.

"I – I–" she stammered, pushing the door open as she backed out of it. Her eyes were glued to him as he approached her.

"Don't start being a bad girl again, Decima, you were being so good."

As his hand reached out for her, she heard a rumbling sound coming closer at an alarming rate, turning around to see a lone headlight in the distance, approaching rapidly. It had to be Sirius. It just had to be.

But in her anxiousness to see Sirius, she had turned her back on Orion Black, who grabbed her by the back of her gown and pulled her toward him.

"Come back inside, pet, before you regret this."

She struggled against his hold, feeling her dress rip, and knowing he was bruising her arm when he grabbed her flailing wrist. The vehicle landed at the end of the walkway and rode at her as Mr. Black forced her to turn around and smacked her across the face before groping her. She screamed and she heard Sirius's voice yelling at his father to let go of her.

Wands forgotten somewhere in the fight, Orion and Sirius Black played tug-of-war with Decima's body while she screamed and cried out in pain and fear. Regulus came running out of the house at the sound of her screaming, something all of the other purebloods were conveniently ignoring, and he yelled, "Father, please! Let go of her! You're going to kill her!"

"She deserves to die," spat Orion Black. "This little rat is a disgrace to even her family's weak line. She'll be wishing she learned to follow orders by the time I'm done with her."

His hand grabbed at her dress again and this time he ripped it clean off before Sirius managed to knock him out with a blow to the face.

"Damn it," said Sirius, ignoring his bloody hand and frowing at Decima, once more in nothing more than her knickers. "It's going to be cold on the bike and it's not a short flight. I don't want you to freeze."

"Here," said Regulus, taking off his jacket and draping it around Decima's shoulders. "I wish I could give you something else, but this is the best I've got." He looked up into his brother's stunned face and said, "I know she needs to get out of here, and I'm sorry I didn't do anything before. Send someone to get her things the day after tomorrow. Mother and Father are having tea with the Lestrange's at one. I'll have it all ready to go."

Regulus gave her a quick peck on the cheek and said, "I wish you could have been mine, Decima, I really do, but now I understand that it wouldn't have worked. We would have been forced apart eventually, one way or another."

She wasn't sure how he meant that, but she was fairly certain it wasn't as gentlemanly as it sounded. Sirius grabbed her hand and led her to his motorcycle, handing her his helmet and telling her to hold on tightly. He was right, the flight was ridiculously long, but she couldn't help but feel immensely relieved that she was safe. She was with Sirius, she was away from the purebloods who wanted to use her as a toy, and Sirius would never let anything happen to her. He had proven that.

When they finally landed at what she had assumed was the Potter Manor, he helped her off the bike and held her closely, and pulling her into the warmest, sweetest hug she had ever known.

"Merlin, I'm glad you're safe. Even with writing every day, I've done nothing but worry about you all the time. I wasn't sure you'd tell me if something was wrong."

He smiled down at her in nothing but Regulus's jacket, her underwear, and her high-heeled shoes and said, "Let's get you inside to warm up, you must be freezing."

He led her inside where she was practically assaulted by an anxious Mrs. Potter, whom Decima had never met before because the Potters didn't associate with the rest of the pureblood society. They found her some clothes and James had the house-elf make her some hot chocolate as Sirius told them the tale of his rescuing her, which was necessary because the sight of her nearly naked had made James and his father almost pass out. Mrs. Potter healed her wounds and bruises, and after some careful consideration, healed two of her ribs, which had been fractured in the struggle to get free of Sirius's father.

When they had decided that she was as taken care of as they could manage for the night and Sirius had relayed Regulus's information about her things to Mr. Potter, who said he would take care of it, they left her and Sirius sitting along on the couch, him petting her hair gently and her drinking the best hot chocolate of her life.

Decima told him the whole story of the night, about her mother and Regulus and Lucius, and Sirius's own father. His eyes grew darker with every word. When she mentioned Bellatrix and the Death Eaters, she thought he would lash out in anger, but he managed to keep himself relatively calm.

"You're safe now," he said. "That's what matters."

"Sirius," she whispered pathetically, "what am I going to do? I'll never be able to show my face in Slytherin again! I can't go home this summer. I just lost everyone and everything I ever had in one night."

"Everyone?" said Sirius. He looked a little hurt.

"Well," she said, "maybe not everyone. Gwen will probably talk to me, and I don't think Regulus hates me." He was definitely pouting. "And you, of course."

"Damn right, you've got me," he growled, setting down her cocoa and catching her lips in a rough kiss. She didn't push him away. She welcomed attention from him. He wasn't taking advantage of her because he knew she couldn't say no, he actually wanted her, and in that moment, she wanted him too.

It was different than with Regulus. She had expected him to be forceful, like his kisses, but he was cautious, maybe because of what she had just been through. Still, there was a roughness to every movement that was Sirius through and through. The way he touched her bare skin made her body ache for him, and he could tell she wanted him too. It didn't take long for them to undress; they were both so gone to their passions. His hands roamed her body feverishly before he got permission from her eyes to enter her.

It was bliss. It was nothing like being with Regulus. She didn't know what it was, but Sirius just knew exactly where to go, exactly what to do to make her want to scream, which she didn't, because Mr. and Mrs. Potter were sleeping just down the hall. He kissed her just as they came together, catching the cries she could no longer hold in with his mouth.

Panting, he conjured up a blanket and cuddled her.

"Well, this is new," he said. "I've never slept with someone on James's couch before."

She laughed softly, letting it hit her that she had just shagged Sirius Black.

"So, what does this mean?"

He kissed her forehead and whispered, "It means I love you, silly."


	6. Home for the Disowned

Decima woke up sore, tired, and wondering where she was. There was a pair of strong arms holding her and she turned her head slightly to see the sweet face of Sirius sleeping peacefully next to her. If it was possible, he looked even more beautiful asleep than he did awake. She set her head down and nuzzled into his chest, remembering last night's events and grateful that she had him in her life.

As she touched his shoulder tenderly, he shifted a little and his face was inches from hers. If she just leaned forward slightly…

"Oi!" came the voice of James Potter. "What the hell are you doing, Padfoot? That's my parent's couch!"

Sirius woke with a start and looked up at James sheepishly.

"Sorry, Prongs, I probably should have moved us before we fell asleep."

"Or maybe you shouldn't have shagged your brother's girlfriend on my parent's couch," said James, annoyed. "Get her out of the open before my parents wake up and find you like this!"

At the mention of Regulus, Sirius's arms tightened around her, but he sighed, wrapping the blanket tightly around her body and grabbing his boxers, pulling them on. Scooping up the rest of their clothes, he led her down the hall to what she figured was his room at the Potter's home. There were books and magazines scattered around the room as though a tornado had come through. There was nothing on the walls, but it looked lived in enough to let a casual observer know that someone did in fact live there regularly.

He pulled the blanket off of her and kissed her softly.

"Good morning, CiCi," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her again.

She didn't know what to say. She had forgotten Regulus until James had brought him up. Was she still dating him? Had she just actually cheated on him with his brother? She didn't know. A guilty feeling sank into the pit of her stomach as she flopped onto Sirius's bed, exhausted.

"What's wrong?" His eyes were full of worry, thinking, of course, that there was something wrong because of what she had been through the night before.

"Nothing," she lied, wishing she hadn't, because Sirius sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her, looking her straight in the eye.

"Don't lie to me. Something's wrong."

She didn't know exactly what to say. How did she explain that she might be regretting sleeping with him because she was afraid she might have cheated on his brother, but didn't know? Especially after he had told her he loved her the night before, whether he meant it or not.

"I'm just tired," she muttered, and he seemed to accept this, because he nodded.

"Me too."

Before she could do anything, Sirius grabbed her around the waist and laid her down on the bed, pulling the covers over the two of them and kissing her again. For a moment, Decima forgot about her anxieties and melted into the kiss. There was something about Sirius Black that just made her feel like there really wasn't anything important except for him. But she remember herself and pulled back, smiling up at him with what she hoped was a sleepy expression before turning her back to him and closing her eyes, curled up in her sleeping position. Sirius curled up beside her, stomach pressed to her back, arm draped around her waist, spooning her as he fell back asleep, his soft breath tickling the back of her neck.

She had just began to doze off again when there was a knocking at the door and James burst in.

"Oi, Sirius, Decima, my mom wanted me to collect you two for breakfast. And I took the liberty of finding clothes for you, Decima," he said dryly as he dropped a sundress on the bed at their feet. "I know you've taken to just not wearing them, but I have to live in this house, too, you know, and those of us who aren't Sirius would appreciate you wearing something other than your skin."

He winked, but she blushed as he left the room, making Sirius sigh with disappointment as she sat up and reached for the dress.

"What?" she said questioningly. "Did you actually expect for me to just not wear clothes?"

"No," he muttered, "I just wanted to have a little more time with you like this."

"Like what?"

He crawled on top of her, blocking her from the dress.

"You know what," he said, holding her down and kissing her with such force and passion that she thought she was going to beg for him once he pulled his lips away, but he didn't pull his lips away. He searched her mouth as though he had never done it before, as though it had changed, and his hands began to massage her breasts, thumbing her nipples, which caused her core to fill with a warm pleasure and she moaned into his mouth.

He leaned over her neck, poising his lips just above her pale skin and murmured, "So you like that?"

She didn't have to answer, his lips had already descended on her skin and he was kissing and sucking feverishly, causing her to gasp in ecstasy. Decima had to pull away, she had to stop this until she knew what was going on, but she couldn't. She wanted him so badly there would be no point in trying.

Sirius let his hands graze her sides down to her thighs before parting her legs and lowering himself between them. Before she knew what was happening, one of his fingers slid into her while his thumb played with her clit. She purred and he whispered, "God, you're so wet," against her neck. It wasn't fair. How could one person be so damn satisfying?

Slowly, he worked the finger in and out, curling it slightly, which caused her to buck her hips with his rhythm. He added a finger, then another, and he was kissing up her neck to her ear where he whispered, "Do you want it? You want me inside of you?" She bit her lip and nodded. How could she not? "You're going to have to beg for it. Do you want it?"

"Yes," she gasped.

"That's not begging."

"Please, Sirius. Oh, my god, please!"

She wasn't sure how loud she was being. Her brain was so fogged with lust that she couldn't tell, but she really didn't care. He withdrew his fingers and before she had a chance to even moan with disappointment, he was inside her, not even bothering to start gently and work his way up. He was going hard from the beginning.

"Oh, god," she gasped, knowing she was close.

He wasn't, though, and he didn't seem to want her to come yet, so he slowed down, which made her whimper with disappointment.

"Not, yet, love, I'm not ready," he said, snaking his dry hand along her pale skin, causing her to shiver at the lightness of his touch. He raised his other hand to her lips and she sucked her juices off them eagerly, fully aware of the lust growing in his eyes as he watched.

"Uhn," he groaned, picking the pace back up as she continued to suck on his fingers. For some reason, she thought guiltily of Regulus, but the thought was pushed from her mind as he cried out, releasing inside of her at the same him as her walls tightened around him. She was sure they had to have heard him. Decima was vaguely aware of Sirius kissing her all over as she thought of the look she was going to receive at breakfast from Mrs. Potter.

"Sirius," she whispered, ready to speak her mind, "what about Regulus?"

"What about him?" he said, confused.

"Well, am I still dating on him? We never really said, in all the chaos, I'm not sure. Did I cheat on him?"

Sirius growled a little and said, "CiCi, I would have thought that after the way he treated you this wouldn't be an issue. He's chosen his side, and that side will never be safe for you, even if you two did marry and have little Black Family Heirs."

She crinkled her nose at that thought. If she married Regulus, she would be a breeding machine, nothing more. That is how the family would regard her. But Regulus had never treated her like that. Still, in the back of her mind, she knew Sirius was right.

"Um, okay…"

"What else is on your mind," he said flatly, knowing she wasn't done expressing herself.

Decima blushed and said, "What are the Potters going to say when we go down to breakfast after that yelling you just did?"

Sirius barked with laughter and said, "Probably, 'Congratulations, son, she's a really catch'!"

They both laughed as they untangled and dressed. It felt good to laugh, Decima had forgotten. That was something she had never had with Regulus, that carefree feeling that made her comfortable enough to let go and laugh. She was always afraid she would upset his temper, which the Blacks were notorious for. She wondered if Sirius had a temper that she just hadn't seen yet.

Decima half expected Sirius to hold out his arm and escort her to breakfast, but he just grabbed her hand, and she was glad. She had had enough of pretense to last a lifetime. When they reached the kitchen, there was a house-elf scurrying around to lay down food for them, and the Potters were already eating.

James was red in the face, which was Decima's first clue that they had, in fact, heard what had just happened. Mrs. Potter just smiled as they sat down and Mr. Potter said dryly from behind his newspaper, "Congratulations, son, she's a good catch."

Decima couldn't help it. She snorted into her juice and Sirius just grinned at her and winked before saying, "Yeah, she really is, isn't she?"

"I hope that dress fits," said Mrs. Potter. "James wasn't sure what size you were, but it looks lovely on you. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you, Mrs. Potter, it fits wonderfully, and I slept better than I have in a while." That was the truth, even if she hadn't slept for long. She wasn't sleeping in fear of the people in the house like she had at Grimmauld Place.

"I'm glad to hear it," said Mrs. Potter. "How are you feeling?"

Decima thought about it. She was a little tired, but she didn't think she ought to say that, since she had just mentioned that she had slept fairly well.

"Sore," she finally said, and this time Sirius snorted into his juice and James turned purple. It was only then when she realized that it was very unlikely that she was sore from her escape from the Malfoy Manor. She blushed, but James's parents didn't seem to notice.

"Well, dear, I have some potions that might help with that," said Mrs. Potter as though she had merely suggested she had a hangnail.

"Thank you," she mumbled, not allowing herself to meet Sirius's eyes. Just then, an owl she recognized flew through the window and landed in front of her, dropping a letter before flying away. Decima looked in horror at the envelope addressed to her in her father's hand. Ripping it open, she read:

_Decima,_

_We are very disappointed in you. Your behavior was a disgrace to your breeding and we are taking this opportunity to inform you that you are henceforth disowned. Don't bother to write back. There is nothing you can say to change your situation. You have no idea that difficulty you have caused this family._

_-Kronos Zimmerman_

Before Decima even had the time to allow this all to sink in, before the tears had even formed in her eyes, another owl, this one that both she and Sirius recognized, repeated the performance of the first owl and she glanced down at the new letter, this one with Regulus's writing on the envelop, acutely aware of Sirius's eyes on her.

_CiCi,_

_By now, I'm sure the full weight of your situation has hit you and I must, again, make it worse. I apologize, but this is something I must do. It pains me to say this, darling, but we can't be together any more. I have things expected of me, which I am sure you understand, and the Black family needs its heir to behave as such. Thus, when someone picks up your things from my house tomorrow, I shall include the gifts you have given me. You may keep the ones I have given you. It would be ungentlemanly of my to take them back, and perhaps you can sell them for enough to support yourself for a little while. Please know that we can still be friends. I meant it when I said I loved you._

_-Regulus Arcturus Black_

That stung worse than a slap in the face. Decima flung the parchment onto the table, noticing that James was already reading the letter from her father with wide eyes. Sirius snatched up his brother's letter and read it through quickly, growling.

"Why, that little–"

"Padfoot!" James said quickly as Decima began to cry deep, heart-breaking sobs. She had just been disowned, broken up with, and completely kicked out of the only life she knew. She had nowhere to go, and no one left but Sirius.

"Baby," he whispered, hugging her tightly as Mrs. Potter skimmed both letters with dark eyes. Sirius gently wiped her tears.

"Well, Decima, it looks as though you and Sirius are in much the same boat," said Mrs. Potter. "I know it's a lot to take on, but I think you're really better for it. If you need anything, a place to stay, a shoulder to cry on, anything, we're here for you."

"R-really?" gasped Decima, looking up at Mrs. Potter in surprise. "You'd let me stay here?"

"Well, dear, we really can't just let you fend for yourself, now, can we?" said Mrs. Potter gently.

"Yeah," said James. "Besides, the Potter Manor is now becoming a semi-official haven for runaways of psychotic pureblood homes. OW! Dad, that was my shin!"

"I know, James," said Mr. Potter curtly. "Don't be such an insensitive prat or maybe _you'll_ be the next one being disowned."

"All right, all right," sighed James. "I get it, shutting my mouth now."

"So… so I can really stay here?"

"Of course you can, love," said Mrs. Potter in her kind, gentle voice.

"They let you call them mum and dad, too!" said Sirius with a smile and a wink. They all laughed and he kissed her gently on the forehead before decided she had calmed enough that he could let go of her and finish his sausage.

The rest of breakfast went peacefully and as soon as Decima had finished her own sausage, Sirius grabbed her by the hand and let her outside to the gardens. It was cold out, as it was December, but he grabbed a jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders, leading her to a bench and holding her close. His body was so warm.

"I have something for you," he whispered. "A Christmas present. I would have given it to you on Christmas, but you really weren't in any condition to receive it."

He pulled out a little box with a small rose engraved on the top. She took it and opened it tenderly, finding a silver chain, which she grabbed and uncoiled to find a small silver heart on it, encrusted with diamonds. He smiled as she looked at it, admiring its beauty before taking it from her hand and putting it on her.

"It looks like it was made for you," he said.

"I love it," she whispered. "But it's freezing out here," she added, pulling in closer to him. "Why did we have to come outside for this?"

He laughed and held her tightly whispering, "Two reasons, firstly, I wanted you to see how amazingly beautiful it is back here, and secondly, I wanted to give it to you somewhere James couldn't spoil the moment."

Just as Sirius was leaning in to kiss her, she heard the voice of the very boy they had just talked about calling from the window of his room, "You'd better not do it in my mom's garden, or I'm never sitting on that bench again!"

Sirius groaned and Decima laughed, taking Sirius's hand and leading him back toward the house, calling, "Fine, James, we'll just do it on your bed, then, since you've practically volunteered it by banning every other spot in the house!"

Suddenly, she found herself being led, or rather, dragged, by Sirius into the house and down the hall to James's room, who was watching in horror as Sirius began to kiss her passionately.

"What are you doing? Sirius! Stop, guys, this is my room, his is down the hall. No! Ew! Keep clothing on! Stop it, what are you doing, I have sensitive eyes, here! Sirius, get off my bed! Decima, get off Sirius when he's on my bed! Oh, my god, you people are disgusting!"

And with that, James Potter fled his own bedroom and Sirius and Decima pulled apart, laughing.

"Can we continue this somewhere else?" Sirius muttered seductively in her ear.

"Oh, why do you even bother asking?" moaned Decima as he put his shirt back on and led her down the hall to his room.

At lunch, there was an awkward silence as Sirius and Decima sat down, obviously glowing. James winced at the sight of them and turned to his mother.

"Mum, I need a new bed."

"Why, dear?"

"The one I have's been contaminated."

"Oh, Merlin, relax, James," said Sirius with a laugh. "We moved to my room as soon as you stormed out in terror. But keep your nose out of my business unless you want me to not be so considerate next time."

"You wouldn't?" said James, eyes wide.

"Well," said Decima, "that's rich, coming from someone who just thought that we did."

James grumbled, "You know, Padfoot, when I said you could bring her here after your heroic rescue mission, I didn't realize that meant you were going to shag her every three hours."

Mr. Potter laughed and grabbed the second half of his sandwich.

"Consider it a blessing in disguise, James. While Sirius is busy, you'll have plenty of time to study for the next term!"


	7. Two Lonely Souls

Decima didn't want the break to end, but it did. Mr. and Mrs. Potter took the three of them back to King's Cross station and they boarded the Hogwarts Express, finding the rest of the Marauders and sitting with them.

"I've just realized something," she muttered to Sirius.

"What, love?"

"Regulus," she said.

"What about him?" he muttered, eyes growing dark at the name of his brother.

"We're the prefects. We have to work together…" Her voice trailed off as she looked away. "I don't know if I can face him after what happened."

Remus and Peter stared at them and blinked. Apparently, Sirius hadn't kept them up to date on events. He looked at them and sighed.

"I'll explain later," he said. "Look, love, everything's going to be fine, okay? You can sleep in my dormitory. You can eat at our table. You can partner with Gwen in your classes, and you can hang out with Remus and Lily at the prefect meetings, I'm sure they wouldn't mind. Right, Remus?" he added, giving his friend a pointed look.

"Not at all," said Remus sincerely, giving her a soft smile. "It's always good to have company."

Decima had just stared to feel comfortable and contented when the door to the compartment slid open and there was Regulus, standing in the door way, looking straight at her.

"Decima," said Regulus in the softest, most pathetic voice Decima had ever heard escape from his mouth. "May I speak with you in private?"

She froze and grasped Sirius's hand tightly, not looking Regulus in the eye.

"No," she said, not as firmly as she would have liked.

"Please, sweetheart," he begged, his voice making her heart break.

"You heard her," Sirius snarled. "If you've got something to say, why don't you just spit it out and leave?"

The venom in his voice was unmistakable. If there had been any hope in Decima's mind that they would get along for her sake, that had just been shattered. She really had nothing left by Gwen and the Marauders.

"I – I'm so sorry, CiCi. They made me write that letter. It broke my heart to send that to you. I knew it would hurt you. You know I love you. I never wanted any of this to happen."

"Well, it did," spat Sirius. "It happened and you just let it. You didn't have to write that letter, but you didn't have the guts to say no to them." He was on his feet now, bellowing in his brother's face. "You left her with nowhere to go, and without me she would have had no one to turn to. Don't just stand there and pretend if you put on a sad face she's obliged to forgive you. She's not a slave of pureblood society anymore, remember? They kicked her out!"

"Padfoot, calm down," said Peter. "You're scaring her."

Decima blushed a little as she trembled in the corner, worried about the fight she was sure would happen.

"Why don't you two take this outside?" James suggested. "And take Remus with you. We don't want Padfoot throwing any punches."

As the three boys made to step outside, Decima found her voice again and said, "Regulus?"

He froze and looked at her with pleading eyes.

"You're not allowed to call me CiCi anymore."

His face fell as Sirius and Remus grabbed him by the shoulders and steered him out of the compartment, closing the door behind them. The mood in the compartment was still tense as the three remaining occupants sat in silence, listening. At first, the voices in the corridor were something like civil. I didn't take long, however, for Sirius to start shouting again, which went on for what seemed like forever. Finally, he paused to breathe and she heard Regulus's soft voice remark a response with a bite in his tone. They heard the sound of a fist hitting a jaw and the two Marauders slid back in and she heard Regulus skulk off. Sirius's face was red with fury as he sat back down and slid his hand into Decima's.

"I thought I said no punches, Padfoot," said James dryly, though Decima suspected he didn't truly mind.

"Actually, that was me," said Remus, reopening his book casually.

"Moony's got a mean right hook," seethed Sirius, clearly wishing he had been the one who had thrown the punch. "I think you broke his jaw."

"Good," Remus spat. Decima was shocked at how furious he sounded.

"What did he say?"

Her voice was soft and scared. Sirius calmed considerably and looked down at her.

"Do you really want to know?"

She probably didn't, but she took a resolve-strengthening breath and nodded.

"He – he said it was a shame you had become one of my _whores_," Sirius spat. "He said it was too bad I had poisoned your mind and you had forgotten your place because… because…"

His jaw set and his eyes looked at her with a sort of pity as Remus finished his sentence.

"Because he had so wanted to own you. He said the other Death Eaters viewed you as a great prize, despite your family's standing."

Remus's ears were red behind his book and his voice seethed with anger. For a moment, Decima tried to digest this with all eyes on her, except Remus's, which were staring into the book she was fairly certain he wasn't actually reading. The weight of Regulus's words hit her all at once and she began to cry, shaking and sobbing, clutching onto Sirius as he held her, petting her and making calming noises in her ear.

Decima had grown up with Regulus. She thought they had known everything about each other. She couldn't believe she had never seen this side of him before. She wasn't crying for herself anymore. She was crying for him. He was turning into one of them and she was worried how far in he would get before he realized he wanted out.

"It's okay, love," Sirius cooed. "It's all going to be okay."

Decima wanted so badly to believe him, but she knew he was lying. He wasn't lying on purpose, of course. It was just one of those things people told themselves and their loved ones with the war on the way, more wishful thinking than a promise they could keep. Regulus was joining the Death Eaters. Everyone in that compartment knew it wasn't going to be okay.

The door slid open to reveal an annoyed-looking Lily Evans. James jumped, but he didn't give her his usual suave smile.

"Hey, Evans," he said, almost glumly, but she ignored him.

"All right, Black, I saw your brother's face and I fixed his jaw. I really ought to take points for his, you know."

"Don't," said Remus, putting his book down. His face was contorted with rage. "That was me. And I wish you wouldn't have healed his jaw. He deserves to suffer."

Lily blinked and looked at Remus, then at Sirius, then at Decima and said, "What happened?"

Sirius and James exchanged a worried look and James said, "We need to borrow you for a minute, Lily."

Sirius whispered, "I'll be right back, darling." Then he kissed Decima's forehead and followed James and Lily out of the compartment.

"Remus?" said Decima softly as the boy lifted his book to his face once more. He paused. "Thank you."

The anger disappeared from his face and his features softened.

"It was really my pleasure, Decima. We're not going to let him bother you anymore."

The door slid open and James and Sirius reentered, looking relieved.

"Well," said James, "Lily says we can give you the Gryffindor password."

"That's nice of her," said Remus, "but we were going to, anyway. I don't know why you bothered asking."

"So she doesn't take points off when Decima moves in," said Sirius. "What's gotten into you today, Moony?"

He shrugged.

"I've lost my patience with all this… this… oh, I don't know. The real world is coming and we're not playing games anymore. People are dying. This isn't Gryffindor or Slytherin for the House Cup. Points don't matter. This is war. We're out of time for petty insults and childish feuds."

Decima was suspicious that Remus's rage had little to do with her and everything to do with his anger at the Death Eaters, but she was grateful, all the same.

The door slid open once more and Gwen poked her head in.

"Hey, CiCI, would you like to tell me why Regulus was sporting a broken jaw earlier and calling you a dirty no-good whore?"

Oh, that awkward silence.

"I'm glad the train ride is almost over," said Peter. "This is getting old."

"Oh, I'm so sorry my life is boring you, Peter," said Decima dryly. "Perhaps you wouldn't find it quite so boring if it was happening to you."

Sirius smacked the back of Peter's head and Gwen slid in, sitting between Remus and James.

"What happened?"

Decima looked down at her hands, which were tightly holding Sirius's hand. The compartment was deathly quiet.

"I had a bit of a bad break," she began. No one spoke, so she went on. "I'll tell you details later, but Regulus and I are over, he's joining the Death Eaters, and I've been disowned. I'm moving into the Gryffindor dorms and I need a new partner for classes. Maybe you'd be willing to help with that?"

"At your service," said Gwen. "So, do I need to go around spreading the rumor that his penis is too small, or do we have a far more legitimate break-up story?"

"Well," said Decima, "the truth is he was going to let me be raped and assaulted by his father, but I don't mind the other rumor, why not spread both?"

Sirius snorted, which made her feel better. Joking felt good. It felt like she was in control again. Maybe that's why Sirius was always making jokes and pulling pranks. It made him feel in control of something in his life, because he wasn't getting that feeling at home.

"Well, my dear CiCi," said Gwen, "I fully support you, and if you wish me to cut off his balls, I shall do so."

"That's probably not a good idea," said Sirius solemnly, "although I'd love to know that you had. But if the Black family heir is incapable of producing further heirs, someone's going to come after the one responsible, and if they don't find out it was you, which would be bad, they'd think it was Decima, which would be worse."

"Hey!" said Gwen. "What makes Decima more important than me?"

"Easy," said James. "You're not sleeping with him."

"Ah," said Gwen. "In that case, Decima, you have full permission to be more important than me for as long as you'd like."

Sirius and Decima laughed at this, but Remus looked up from his book curiously. Of course, they hadn't mentioned yet that they were sleeping together, but surely he would have guessed? Or maybe not.

It wasn't long until the Hogwarts Express pulled to a stop in Hogsmeade Station and students filled off. Decima could feel the eyes of many students around her watching her, and it wasn't just paranoia. Gwen and Sirius each had her by and arm and were ushering her through the crowd, the other Marauders following close behind, shooting dangerous glares at the staring bystanders, as though daring them to say something. Nobody crossed someone the Marauders approved of. What had Regulus been saying about her? Did she even want to know?

Sirius and Gwen led her to a carriage and pulled her inside, allowing the other Marauders to get in on the other side before Remus shut the door and the carriage started moving. Decima buried her head in Sirius's shoulder and cried miserably. She just wanted all of this to be over.

"When we get to the school," Sirius said to James, petting Decima gently, "you and Remus go with Gwen and get her things and bring them back to our dorm. I don't want her to have to go back there."

"Do they do official house transfers?" said Peter thoughtfully.

"No," said Remus, "but she should be alright."

"Oh, no!" she cried suddenly, causing them all to jump in shock. "I'd forgotten about Quidditch!"

They all groaned. She would not only have Quidditch games on Regulus's team, but she had to practice with him.

"Could you maybe resign?" suggested James.

"You wish, James," Gwen snorted. "She's not resigning. We're not losing the cup to you goons again. She'll keep tight to me. It's not like Regulus is a Chaser, he doesn't train with us."

"She'll still have to train with Christa, though," Sirius said.

"Fysshwyk won't let it become a problem," said Remus. "He's not letting anyone's prejudices spoil their team dynamic, if I know him at all."

As the carriage finally came to a stop they climbed out and Sirius grabbed Decima's hand, leading her up the stone steps and straight along the path to the Gryffindor Tower, which was strange and foreign to her but oh, so familiar to Sirius. Peter scampered along behind them, trying to keep up. They didn't even bother stopping to see if Gwen and the others had been separated. Decima knew Sirius wanted to get her out of there in case Regulus or one of his friends came along.

Sirius led her into the tower behind a portrait of a very fat lady in a horrible pink silk dress and straight up the stairs to his dormitory where he pulled her on his bed and closed the curtains around them, kissing her passionately as before she even had a chance to take in her surroundings. They heard Peter come in and she pulled back in surprise, but Sirius just grinned, lacing his fingers through her hair and pulling her back into the kiss. Apparently this was normal. Apparently his curtains being closed was like a Do-Not-Disturb sign for the other boys. It didn't really matter, though, because Sirius leaned into her ear and muttered, "I've been needing you all day and it hurt that I couldn't have you. I want you now." She could care less if Regulus himself were to open those curtains. She wanted him too.

It was an odd experience, shagging Sirius while she could hear his friends moving and talking outside the curtains, bringing her things to the room and setting them next to Sirius's. They didn't talk about the pair they knew were behind the curtains, though, and that was fine by Decima. She didn't think she could bear the thought of Sirius's friends discussing their sex life while they were right there, having sex. She kept her noises very soft so as not to make things awkward, but Sirius didn't bother. When he came he cried out her name so urgently that the people on the other side of the curtain paused a moment before returning to their conversation about Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans.

Boys.

It was getting late and Sirius curled up beside her, holding her tightly to him, breathing deep, tired breaths. It was time for bed. The other boys outside the curtains were beginning to yawn and simmer down as well, and Decima turned over onto her side, facing Sirius. She nuzzled her face into his perfect chest and he gave her a sleepy kiss on the forehead.

"Good night, CiCi."

"Good night," she breathed back. In the morning, she would have to face the world again, she would have to go to meals, have classes with the Slytherins, even have Quidditch practice. She wasn't sure if she would have the energy to face her new life, but she had to, and that was okay, because she had Sirius.

Halfway through the night, she woke up to a whimpering noise, soft in her ear. She looked at Sirius's face. His eyes were closed, but his features were screwed up in pain. The words he whimpered were barely whispers, merely breaths, but when she listened hard enough, she could just make them out.

"Mom, please, stop. Please, you're hurting me. Please, they're starting to ask questions at school. I'm sorry, mom, I don't know what I did wrong…"

He groaned in pain and she gasped. He was having a nightmare of his mother torturing him. Did his friends know now, or had he hid it from everyone but her and James? How many secrets did this group have? She had always thought that the Marauders were like the school celebrities. They lived this charmed life, good-looking, intelligent, and had their own fan club. But apparently there was a soft underbelly full of dark secrets and lies that she had never seen before. They were more like celebrities than Decima had realized, and now she was a part of their world. She had her own secrets now, and she shared in a few of theirs.

Petting him softly until he calmed down, Decima thought about what Remus had said about the war. Their games were nearly over. School was nearly done, especially for the boys. The real world was waiting for them, counting down the days until it tried to make them fall apart. She wasn't ready for that. Decima didn't even know who she was anymore. Still, lying there beside the great Sirius Black, talented, handsome, and powerful, she couldn't help but feel like an outcast holding another outcast, two lonely, lost souls that the world didn't want and couldn't understand. He had been right about her from the beginning. Regulus had been all wrong for her, because she and Sirius were one in the same. They needed each other, maybe even to survive the world as it was, and as it was about to be in the years to come. Sirius Black had looked into her soul with those gray eyes, and they had seen someone who needed him. Now that she could see it too, Decima was scared. She didn't know what came next.


	8. Going Back

In the morning, Decima felt Sirius holding her tightly. It had become a comfortable feeling since she had run away from the Christmas party. Her new home had become Sirius's arms. It was warm, comfortable and loving, all the things the home she had been raised in had never been. But at the same time, this was a completely new and scary thing, being on her own. Her family had never been the loving rock it ought to have been, but they had provided for her. It wasn't like with Sirius. They had never hurt her like that. Maybe they had loved her, in their own way, even if not in the best way.

Sirius stirred and she smiled at him as his eyes flickered open. He smiled back and kissed her, crawling out of bed to get her some clothes for the day from her things. He slid her uniform in to her through the curtains and got dressed outside them, making casual conversation with Remus, who had just woken up.

The day went by slowly, lonely. Decima thought that being with Sirius would make everything better, but it didn't. She enjoyed his company, and she certainly approved of the sleeping situation, but there was a certain disconnectedness that was driving her mad. There was something in her that wanted to storm back into the Slytherin common room and just belong again. She certainly didn't belong with the Gryffindors, who gave her dirty looks every time she came in one Sirius's arm. It was slowly hitting her. She was no longer Decima Zimmerman, Slytherin Prefect. She was Sirius's Black's Plaything, the Gryffindor wannabe. She didn't have a real home anymore, not in the real world and not at Hogwarts. She really had nothing and she hated it.

Sirius hadn't seemed to notice that anything was wrong, probably because it wasn't him she was unhappy with; it was more the un-status quo of her whole situation. The natural order of things had been turned on its head and chopped through with an axe and Decima didn't see a way out of it. That was, until one day on her way back from Quidditch practice, halfway to Gryffindor Tower when she neatly ran right into Austin Gray.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" she said, worried about how he would react to the whole situation.

"It's all right, Decima," he said.

She froze. He hadn't merely been polite; he had used her first name.

"I wasn't aware you were speaking to me, Austin."

"We all feel bad about what happened," said Austin smoothly.

"Who's we?"

He shrugged.

"Regulus, Severus, and myself. A few others. Christa and Philomela seem to feel really bad about things, too. Regulus even said that your parents seem to be missing you, according to his contacts."

"R-really?"

She didn't believe it. Her parents missed her. They clearly weren't as cold-blooded as the Blacks. They had hearts, they had consciences, and they missed their daughter.

"Yeah. Regulus figures that if he tried, he could get you reinstated into society, if you were willing to repent."

Her mind missed the word repent. It didn't seem to matter. She wanted her life back. She wanted her home and her family and the familiarity of Slytherin. Sirius would understand. He loved her. He knew she had to do what was best for her, and that was going back.

"C'mon," said Austin, holding out his arm in that familiar fashion. "Let me take you to him."

Eagerly, she accepted his arm and let him lead her off to the Slytherin common room, where Regulus was sitting on the couch between Christa and Severus. He looked up when she came in, something unreadable and unrecognizable in his eyes.

"Decima," he said, standing. "It's a pleasure to see you here again."

"I've just told her about what you were telling me this morning, Regulus," said Austin pointedly. "She's interested."

Regulus's eyes lit up. Decima had missed that look.

"I'll send out an owl straight away and see what I can do. Decima," he said, turning to her, "there will be requirements. This won't be free of conditions."

"I would have expected no less," she said honestly.

"One of those will be that you move back in to Slytherin. Your bed is still there for you, should you want it."

She paused. She wouldn't be living with Sirius anymore, and somehow, that bothered her, but she wanted her life back. She wanted her family back.

"Of course, Regulus. I'll move in straight away."

"Good," said Regulus, smiling at her. "I'm glad to see you've straightened out your priorities. I'll be off to send that owl. I expect you to be back with your things by the time I'm back."

With a nod, she hurried off to the Gryffindor Tower, glad that she hadn't unpacked anything. Gathering up her things frantically, throwing a couple of stray things into her trunk, Decima's heart pounded happily in her chest.

"What are you doing?" said Sirius, coming in behind her.

"Regulus is getting me reinstated," she said happily. "I have to move back in to Slytheirn, and there will be other conditions, but I get my life back!"

But he wasn't smiling. He looked sad, hurt, worried, and even a little angry.

"What's wrong, love?"

"You're going back? After everything they did to you, you're just going to offer up an olive branch and run back, do whatever they say? What, couldn't live without the money and the fancy balls?"

His words stung, but the way he looked at her stung worse. Disdain. Anger. Almost hatred. This wasn't going how she had expected it to.

"Sirius, why can't you be happy for me? I'm getting my family back."

"The family that was pressuring you to allow yourself to be raped by my father? The family that disinherited you for running away from someone who was attacking you? You want to go back to that family? Haven't you figured out that the whole pureblood system is completely fucked up and that it's going to kill you if it doesn't warp your mind first?"

"My family isn't like yours, Sirius," she said. "I've never been beaten. I'm not you. I don't have the strength to live as an outcast for the rest of my life. I just don't."

"Is that how you feel?" he scoffed. "I'm sorry if I didn't make you feel included, enough, darling. Perhaps the Potters weren't kinky enough for your tastes? Mr. Potter didn't feel you up so you felt left out of the family?"

"Stop it!" she screamed. "Why are you doing this to me?"

His gray eyes were cold and empty. His jaw was set in anger. Decima didn't know what to do. He looked so dangerous.

"You and I are both very, very damaged, and I think deep down you know that. It's all in different ways, love, but you need to believe me, you're only going to hurt yourself more by going back. I'm trying to protect you and I'm trying to save you from that, but for some reason you think you can handle this on your own. I'm not sure what gave you that idea, Decima, since that worked _so_ well for you before and all."

"My family misses me," she said slowly, full of hatred. "Regulus misses me. My friends miss me."

"And you miss… what?" he said, tossing his bag on his bed. "You miss him screwing you? Prefer him to me? Or do you miss your friends freaking out on you with jealousy every year or so? Or maybe you miss your parents whoring you out to the top of pureblood society for the sake of their own status because you miss their cash. I'm sorry I can't provide all that for you, Decima. I've done my best, truly."

His tone was so vicious. She couldn't believe this was happening.

"I thought you would be happy for me," Decima whispered, not daring to look back into his eyes.

"I guess you thought wrong."

With that, she dragged her trunk out of the room, rushing past him as quickly as possible, not wanting the great Sirius Black to see the tears welling up in her eyes.

It seemed like forever when Decima finally made it to the Slytherin common room, she barely heard Regulus asking her why she took so long. She got inside the door and collapsed in tears. Regulus had Austin take her things to her room and he took her to his own dormitory, petting her comfortingly as she sobbed into his chest.

"Decima, sweetheart, I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened. You were so happy before I sent off the owl. What's wrong."

"Sirius."

Regulus sighed.

"What did he do?"

"He's mad at me for going back. I thought he loved me," she sniffed. "Why can't he just be happy for me?"

"Love," he whispered, running his fingers along her arms, "I hate to tell you this, but my brother never loved you. He's extremely selfish. He wanted you because he couldn't have you. He played the hero to get you, and then once he had you, he figured he'd keep you. It's not about your happiness to him. It's about his prize."

Regulus looked down at her with a familiar look in his gray eyes: lust. Decima frowned and tried not to cry any harder, thinking of how Sirius had betrayed her. She wanted to curl up and cry for the next year, but she knew that wouldn't do any good. She was a Slytherin, after all, and the Slytherin in her knew that the only thing to do about her pain was to get even.

As Regulus leaned down at caught her lips in his, it felt wrong. Decima felt dirty, like she was cheating on Sirius. But she allowed him access to her mouth anyway. And like she remembered quickly, they weren't so different. Regulus took after his brother in more ways than just superficial looks. He knew how to make a girl feel good, though maybe not as good as Sirius did. Decima thought it wasn't humanly possible for there to be two men with that power in the whole world, much less the same school.

Still, Regulus wasn't half bad. He laid her down on the bed, eyeing her greedily. As he took off her clothes slowly, he whispered in her ear, "I've been dreaming about this for so long. Ever since you left, I wanted you back."

Decima allowed him to do whatever he wanted to her, but didn't put a lot of effort into the sex. She went through the motions, but the whole time, she felt like she ought to be with Sirius. Regulus came, and she pretended to, for the first time. There was just something off, and she didn't know what it was, except that she had a sneaking suspicion that all those girls in the harem were right: Once you go Black, you never go back. Of course, the Black in question was Sirius, not Regulus. He had spoiled her. Regulus wouldn't be good enough ever again.

She curled up in his arms, expecting to sleep with him, expecting him to hold her and spoon her and fall asleep tangled up in her, but that didn't happen. He detatched himself, stretched and got up, getting dressed and tossing her clothes back at her.

"We'd better get you to your dormitory or people will talk."

Her heart sank. He was worried about what people thought about them shagging in his dormitory. Decima quietly got dressed and headed obediently to her own bed, thinking she would be happy, she was home. Gwen was sitting on the foot of her bed, and instead of looking happy, she looked very, very disappointed.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" said Gwen as she came in.

"Nice to see you too, GiGi," said Decima, sitting down next to her friend.

"I can't believe you."

"Please don't do this," said Decima with a groan. "Not you, too."

"Oh, I'm guessing Sirius wasn't happy with you jumping ship either? Did he dump you? Because I would have! He risked his life to make sure you were safe and now you're running back into the hornet's nest because you're a brainwashed coward!"

Decima stared at her once-best friend. Those words stung almost more from her than they had from Sirius.

"Gwen, please, I'm not Sirius. I'm not that strong, you know that! There was a reason I was sorted into Slytherin–"

"Yeah, the reason being you'd rather have a few comforts than actually save your own miserable skin! I can't believe you just threw away everything like that."

"I didn't," said Decima, confused. "I'm getting everything back."

"No," said Gwen. "You threw away your safety, you threw away your peace of mind, you threw away Sirius, who is probably the best thing that ever happened to you, and you threw away me, your last real friend. Congratulations. I hope you and your Death Eater fiancé have a lovely life together. Give Voldemort a kick in the balls from me, will you?"

And with that, Gwen stormed out of the dormitory, leaving Decima alone. She had thought it was the right thing to do. It still seemed like the right thing to do. But as she curled up into a ball on her bed and cried her unstoppable tears, she realized she had never felt so lonely before, even when she found out she had been disowned and all she had left was Sirius. This felt so much worse. If it was right, why did it feel so bad?

There was a knock at the dormitory door and Regulus let himself in. There was a smile on his lips. He sat down next to her, either ignoring the fact that she had been crying or oblivious to it.

"I've just received word back. You will be reinstated, should you behave properly at the next formal function."

Decima frowned.

"So I'm still disowned until Easter holidays?"

"Not quite, pet," said Regulus, not noticing her flinch as he said that. "My cousin's engagement is next weekend. As we have a Hogsmeade weekend, Dumbledore has agreed to allow students to attend during typical Hogsmeade hours. It has been decided that this even shall be your reentry to society, provided you behave."

Decima nodded.

"Who is marrying, Regulus? You have several cousins."

"Narcissa and Lucius."

Her heart stopped. She would be at the Malfoy Manor again. Those damned Blacks and Malfoys. She would rather wait until Easter, that way it would be at the Selwyn's, but she suspected that her family had done this on purpose. What better redemption than a nearly identical situation?

Regulus left her to cry herself to sleep, but she didn't know why she was crying anymore. Was it because she was lonely, or because the stakes were so high and the task so difficult? Decima couldn't tell anymore.

Decima found herself going through the motions in more things than sex. She went to classes, but she wasn't learning. She went to meals, but she barely ate. She went to Quidditch practice, but her heart wasn't in it. She did patrol, but she walked around like a zombie. If the school had been under a full attack she wouldn't have likely noticed nor cared. She even kept going to the tutoring sessions, mostly because Professor McGonagall had mandated them. Neither she nor Sirius actually wanted to be there anymore. It wasn't his most brilliant plan.

"So," he said one day, completely out of the blue, "I take it you're going to the circus?"

With a confused frown, Decima asked Sirius what the hell he was talking about.

"My cousin's engagement party," he spat with loathing. "I suppose you're going?"

"I don't see why you care," she said just as spitefully back, "since you didn't seem to be too eager to go back to events like that. Bitter you didn't get an invitation even after you ran away from home? They don't accept back all the runaways, Sirius, just the ones who are sorry."

It was a low blow, and she knew it, but Decima was just so angry that she had to do something, she had to say something, and she had to make someone hurt but her. Was she angry at him? Not exactly. She was just generally angry and wasn't sure who or what at, but that was the worst part. Decima didn't know who to take out her anger on, so she just had to humor herself with silly, pointless blows at Sirius Black. As if he took a word she said to heart.

"I won't even bother telling you that you shouldn't go," he said dryly. "You don't know how to take good advice, as you've already so adequately proved."

"I'm sorry, Sirius," she said sarcastically. "I wasn't aware that expecting someone else to make the same sacrifices you've made because you want to screw them was good advice. I'll try to catch that next time."

And that was a really, really low blow. Sirius picked up the books he had been using to help her with her essay, tossed them to the side, grabbed his bag, and made to storm out of the library. Before he did, he turned and looked at her one last time and said, "You're damn lucky I love you, Decima Zimmerman, because you'd get yourself killed if it wasn't for me."

He then proceeded to storm out of the library. Well. She didn't need him. She wasn't some damsel in distress who needed the great Sirius Black to save her every five minutes from some imagined peril. She could bloody well take care of herself; she had been doing it for years. Decima Zimmerman was no man's fair maiden. She would show him. She would go to the engagement party and she'd have a bloody good time without him. She didn't need Sirius Black. And that would have been so much more convincing if she had said that out loud to his face rather than saying it all in her head.


	9. An Engagement to Remember

It was the morning of the engagement party. Christa was helping Decima do her hair. Nearly every pureblood in Slytherin would be in attendance, except Gwen, whose mother had been bitten by a werewolf three years ago. Her family was no longer invited to social functions.

As she pulled on her sky blue dress robes, Decima was worried that something would go wrong, that she wouldn't be accepted back, and that she would truly have nowhere to turn this time. By now, Sirius and James had probably told Mr. and Mrs. Potter about her decision. Even if she was speaking with Gwen, it wasn't safe to live at her house. She and her father had to evacuate every full moon. If something went wrong, she was truly on her own now. Maybe this hadn't been the best of ideas, after all.

Decima followed Christa out to the common room, where Regulus was waiting for her, arm out to escort her. Christa was being escorted by Austin, mostly because she wanted them to all hang out together. There was a strange processional of Slytherins in dress robes trailing to Professor Slughorn's office while the other students were heading to the entrance hall to go to Hogsmeade. Decima spotted the Marauders, but Sirius was not with them. Probably off with some slag, she though bitterly to herself, surprised at the pangs in her stomach when she thought about Sirius shagging someone else.

The Malfoy Manor looked exactly as it had at Christmas, full of people in fancy clothes being cordial and pleasant. Regulus took her around and introduced her to several people there from out of town, asked her to dance, and then excused himself to get them drinks. It was almost like the old days, back when they first started dating, when all he wanted to do was show her off and dance with her.

While Regulus was away, several things happened, the first being that his cousin Andromeda came over with her date, who Decima had never met, but was sure she knew from somewhere. There was just something about the way he walked that made her sure she had had met him before, though Andromeda assured her she hadn't.

Andromeda introduced him as Gareth Fannon, an incredibly shy homeschooled pureblood boy from southern Wales. He was certainly easy on the eyes, and seemed to have manners, because when Andromeda introduced him the first thing he did was take Decima's hand and kiss it softly. Then, he whispered something to Andromeda, who nodded and said, "He would like me to tell you that you look beautiful and that he would love a dance later, if you're not too busy."

"I would be delighted," said Decima with a smile, but just then, Lucius Malfoy himself came over.

"Decima, I hate to be rude, but I'm afraid I need to borrow you," he drawled, not even looking at his fiancée's sister or her date. Rumor was that Andromeda was very close to being disowned herself, and her close friendship with her cousin Sirius was not helping her case.

"Oh, of course, Lucius," said Decima, hoping her nervousness didn't show on her face. Was she going to have to prove herself now? Was it time? "Excuse me, Andromeda; I expect I'll see you and Mr. Fannon later."

"We looked forward to it," said Andromeda with a smile, though her eyes were fixed warily on Lucius as the blond led her to a side chamber of the ballroom.

"Lucius," she said, hoping she wasn't going to have to remind him whose engagement party they were at, "where are you taking me?"

"You'll see in a moment, pet," he muttered, pushing open the door to the side chamber and practically throwing her in, following her, and closing the door behind him. Inside the room already were her own father, Mr. Black, and several other prominent pureblood patriarchs of varying ages.

"Father," she said. "Mr. Black. It is a pleasure."

Decima's instincts were telling her to run, but her social cues were telling her to stay rooted to the spot, smile, and pretend like you're very pleased to see them all.

"Decima," said her father, not exactly coldly, but not warmly. It wasn't exactly the way her father had always addressed her, but it was close. It was, perhaps, with a bit more edge in the tone than had been there before.

"It's time to prove yourself," said Mr. Black, with that same look of manic lust in his eyes and she would have given anything at all to run away screaming. She reminded herself, however, that she had nowhere left to turn, and just nodded, attempting to look a little more confident than she felt.

"Come here," said Mr. Black. He was clearly the man in charge. The Black family was always in charge. Decima's heart was pounding so loudly that she was sure they could hear it. Forcing herself forward, she crossed the distance between her and Mr. Black, careful not to meet his eyes, not sure if she could have if she had wanted to. Decima stopped in front of Mr. Black, far enough away to be proper.

"Look at me, Decima," he said softly, and she looked up. His eyes were absolutely filled with lust and she wanted to scream. She wanted to run. She actually almost fainted as he pressed his lips to hers, like before, holding her head with his hand so she couldn't pull away.

But this time, she didn't struggle. There was no fight left in her. She allowed him to rip off her dress robes and obeyed his order to lie down on the couch. She should be crying. She should be screaming. She didn't have the conviction, so she just laid there, sad and horrified at the sight of all those men looking down at her body like a fine dessert they were about to devour. Normally, Decima would have cringed. Well, normally was a relative term here, as there was really nothing normal about the situation. But her muscles didn't cringe. She just went limp as Mr. Orion Black, third and final male member of the House of Black, prepared to enter her.

She wanted Sirius. She wanted someone to save her. But she had blown it. She had thrown away her hope of a normal life, and now she was reduced to allowing herself be raped by every one of the richest patriarchs in pureblood society.

As he raped her, she thought of the Potter Manor. She thought of Sirius making her hot chocolate and kissing the whipped cream off her nose. She thought of Remus Lupin punching Regulus in the face on the train. She thought of all the people who had gone out of their way to make her feel safe and happy. She wasn't safe anymore, and she wasn't happy. She closed her eyes and pretended it wasn't happening. Maybe she could be on a beach somewhere, on holiday, and the waves were calmly rolling in as she curled her toes in the sand…

The door to the room burst open and she opened her eyes, but Orion Black didn't stop his thrusting. In the door was Regulus, a horrified look on his face as she looked sadly up at him.

"What are you doing?" he said, as if he couldn't believe his eyes.

"Go away, Regulus," ordered his father. "This is her punishment for being a bad girl."

Regulus's eyes scanned the room, and when they saw Decima's father they widened and he ran off into the party.

Great, thought Decima. There went her one chance of being rescued. Sirius was right. Regulus really didn't care about her.

Then, the completely unexpected happened. Andromeda's date ran into the room, wand in hand, and stunned Mr. Black.

"Back away, wands on the floor!" he yelled. His voice was so familiar. She was so sure she knew this man. He rushed to her side, still holding his wand pointed at the group of men in the corner, in case any of them went for their wands.

"Decima, love, can you sit up? Can you get dressed?"

She frowned, but nodded. He helped her get dressed and rushed her out of the room as quickly as she could go. When he realized it wasn't fast enough, he picked her up and began to carry her. Decima's legs weren't working properly. She was still in shock.

"I'm so sorry he got to you. I'm so sorry I let Lucius take you out of my sight."

"Who are you?" she said, frowning. Those eyes… those stormy gray eyes. And that voice. She knew him, she was sure of it.

He just smiled sadly at her.

"It's me, love. It's Sirius. Don't worry; I'll explain when we get you back to the school. Andromeda!" cried Gareth-Sirius.

"Oh my god, is she okay?" said Andromeda, worried, leading him off down a corridor.

"No, my father got to her before Regulus had a chance to tell you. She's been hurt pretty badly, she's bleeding and I think she's in shock."

Decima gasped. She was bleeding? What had he done that made her bleed? How had she not noticed? Had she really tuned out her surroundings that well?

"Come on, I'll floo you back to the school," Andromeda said, leading them to a grand fireplace. "You can tell me the rest when I get back, just make sure she gets the attention she needs."

"Of course, I'll take her straight to the hospital wing," he said. "And can you owl Gwen and have her take her things back to my room? I'll let James know to be expecting her."

"Of course, take care."

Sirius looked at the flames, stepped in, and said, "You'll have to drop the powder, 'Dromeda, I can't hold her with one arm." Andromeda nodded and took a fistful of floo powder in her hand. "Hogwarts," he said, and she let it go into the fireplace.

When they arrived in Professor Slughorn's office, he looked up, startled at their entrance.

"Miss Zimmerman? And who are you?"

Sirius held up his wand pulled a mirror out of his pocket, and did some quick transfiguration. He was back to his old self.

"Mr. Black? What happened?"

Decima followed Professor Slughorn's eyes to the bloodstains all over her robes at odd places from the waist down. It finally hit her and she began to cry, her knees giving way, falling into Sirius's arms. He held her tightly against his chest.

"Please, sir, there isn't any time to explain. I need to get her to the hospital wing, now. She's just been raped."

Slughorn's eyes widened in shock and he helped Sirius get her to the hospital wing, which really wouldn't have required both of them, but she was in absolute hysterics. Finally, they got her there, and Madam Pomfrey looked at the blood on her robes and told them which bed to put her on, pulling up the curtains to examine her in private.

Decima now got a good look at the damage. Blood had trickled all down her legs from her vagina and was now beginning to congeal, with fresh blood pouring at different angles due to her various shifts in position. Madam Pomfrey healed the tears in her sensitive skin almost instantly, but it burned a little, and then she carefully cleaned the blood away with her wand. She gave Decima a potion to drink and said, "In case he released," and Decima began to cry a fresh wave of tears as she swallowed the potion like her very life depended on it. Neither Madam Pomfrey nor Professor Slughorn asked who had raped her. They just looked at her sadly after she had changed into some hospital wing pajamas and Sirius was holding her hand, looking incredibly sad and almost guilty.

"You'll have to stay until Monday morning, Miss Zimmerman," said Madam Pomfrey. "I'll have to give you more of that potion, monitor any possible developments, and of course, tears like that are very sensitive. They have a tendency to not take well to healing. I don't want you bleeding to death trying to get back here. It's just two nights, but if all's well Monday morning, you shouldn't have any further problems."

When the adults left, Sirius crawled into the hospital bed beside her and just held her as she cried into his chest. For twenty minutes, she didn't stop crying, but once she calmed down a little bit, Sirius brushed her tear-soaked hair out of her face and told her what had happened.

"As soon as you told me you were going, I knew I couldn't talk you out of it, so I asked Andromeda if she had a date, since she couldn't bring Ted. I explained the situation, and we knew she couldn't bring me, either, so I had James Transfigure me and we made up a backstory that seemed plausible so that I could keep an eye on you. I knew something felt wrong when Lucius took you away, and I said so to Andromeda, and we started to look for Regulus. Once we found him, she asked where you were, and he said he didn't know. Then she said she thought she had seen Lucius drag you off somewhere and his face went white and he ran off. He was back only minutes later, yelling for Andromeda to help you, that he didn't know what to do, and that our father was raping you and I snapped. I should have let her deal with it, but I couldn't. I pulled out my wand and ran off until I found the room they had you in, and, well, you know the rest."

Decima nodded numbly, running it over in her mind, not thinking about what had happened to her. She never wanted to think about it again.

"I'm so stupid, Sirius," she said. "I got so scared that I wasn't going to be strong enough that I let myself get completely violated because I didn't think I could handle the world outside the pureblood community. I didn't think I was strong enough. But really, I wasn't strong enough to get out properly, that was my problem. I should have listened to you. I never should have made you go through all that. I don't even know why you bothered. Maybe you should have just left me there. They probably would have left me on that couch to bleed to death and then you'd never have to worry about me again. I'd deserve that, after what I just put you through."

"Stop," he said angrily. "Don't you dare say that again. You know why I went back for you? I love you, Decima. I love you so much, and you are worth so much more than to bleed out on some couch in the fucking Malfoy Manor just because you had the good sense to stand up for yourself. Don't you dare say that to me."

"I'm not you, Sirius," she said. "I'm not strong."

"You think I'm strong?" he said with a laugh. "Please, Decima, do you have any idea how much shit I went through with my mother? She's been beating me since I was ten years old. No, I'm a weakling too, but you want to know a secret? It was easier for me because I knew the Potters loved me and would take care of me and never let anything happen to me ever again. And you know what? I love you, Decima, and I'm going to take care of you and never let anything happen to you ever again. We're going to get through this, love. Just you wait."

Sirius pressed his lips chastely to his cheek and they snuggled there, until she fell asleep in his arms to the sound of his peaceful, rhythmic snores. Decima was awakened halfway through the night, however, by the sound of voices and awoke to find James Potter sitting on the bed next to hers, and Sirius still holding her tightly.

"Oh, sorry to wake you, love," said Sirius, "but _this_ one over here decided to pay a late night visit to see if I was still alive." He jerked his head toward James with an annoyed look on his face.

"Yeah, well," said James, "can you blame me for being worried? You never physically returned to the dorm, which, by the way, is beginning to have far too much estrogen in it. We need to find a way to re-man the man cave."

Decima frowned. Had she really put that much of a wrench in their style? She had tried so hard to blend in, to not disrupt their daily lives.

"What did I do?" said Decima, and Sirius barked with laughter.

"Oh, we forgot to tell you this. So, while you and Gwen weren't speaking, she basically started seeing Remus, and now she's effectively moved in, too, since her dorm won't talk to her. She transferred her stuff yesterday, while we were at the party. Apparently, Remus has found his soul mate, because she understands him and stuff."

"Yeah, who knew she had a werewolf for a mom?" said James casually, as if that wasn't at all scary."

"Um, I did," said Decima. "And what's that got to do with Remus?"

Sirius frowned and narrowed his eyes at the wall thoughtfully.

"Well, love, I suppose someone's going to tell you soon anyway, and it'd probably be Gwen. Remus is a werewolf. He was bit when he was a child and has lived with it pretty much his whole life."

"Ah," she said casually. "That explains why he's always so sickly."

It sounded rather nonchalant and careless, but in truth, Decima now had a whole new respect for Remus. Gwen's mother hadn't been going through the transformations nearly as long, and she had told the girls all about them. It sounded like a horrific and painful experience every month. She couldn't imagine going through that your whole life, not remembering a time when you were normal. It was probably nice that he had found a girl like Gwen, who wouldn't look at him like a monster because he couldn't control himself once a month.

"Well," she said. "I'm glad Gwen's happy. That makes one of us."

"What's on your mind, love?" he whispered, petting her softly.

"I lost everything this time," she muttered, embarrassed. "I pushed you and Gwen away because I was being stupid, and now I can't just put my head down and behave anymore. I'm scared."

"Darling," he said, "I'm right here. And Gwen still cares about you. Love, you're not alone. The Potters still want to take care of you, like they do with me. And noboby's going to fault you for what happened. It's no fault of yours to stand up for yourself. That's a sign of true strength, getting out like you did, and now you just have to allow us to protect you, because I swear to you, I'm never letting you go again."

Sirius wasn't just looking at her with affection. He loved her. He really, really loved her. How had Decima not realized that before?


	10. Picking up the Pieces

Sirius rarely let Decima out of her sight, not that she particularly minded. From the way many of her fellow Slytherins were now watching her, she wasn't too proud to admit she needed help protecting herself. Austin in particular seemed to have some sort of problem with watching Decima and Gwen eating with the Marauders, and his sudden interest in Christa made Decima wonder what was going on in that boy's head. Gwen finally told her that Austin had been trying to go out with her for years, but she had never been particularly interested. Now, he was blaming the Marauders, particularly Remus, for her abandoning the Slytherins as well.

One person who hadn't seemed to have abandoned her was Severus, who was still polite in the halls, still acknowledged that she breathed the same air as him without looking at her as though it was a crime for her to do this. Decima wasn't sure how long this would last, though, because the Marauders and the Gryffindors in general, despised him. Sirius and James were his biggest enemies and she knew they wouldn't take kindly to him taking kindly to her. Sirius was so paranoid that he would probably think Severus was trying to follow after Mr. Black.

In the library one day while the Marauders had detention for a prank, Decima desperately slaved over her Transfiguration homework for Sirius to go over once his punishment was over, noticed someone sit next to her, only to look up and find Severus sitting there. He wasn't smiling, but he didn't look as grim as she usually saw him these days. There was, however, something about the way he sat that seemed off, not out of his usual, but more something she hadn't noticed before.

"Hey, Severus," she said quietly. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," he muttered. "I wanted to check on you. Regulus told me what happened."

Decima pursed her lips. He was referring to the party, he was referring to her final exit from respectable pureblood society, because she didn't know well enough to open her legs and shut her mouth.

"I'm… I'm…"

She wanted to say fine, but she couldn't get the word out. Severus nodded. He seemed to understand.

"You don't have to lie to me, Decima. I know how it feels. I know what you're going through."

Unsure what he meant, she watched with curiosity, he rolled up his sleeve to reveal a string of small, circular scars trailing up his arm, starting at the wrist. Cigarette burns. Someone had used Severus as an ashtray. She gasped.

"Not very pretty, is it?" mused Severus with a humorless chuckle. "Oh, yes, I know how it feels to be dispensable. But Regulus does love you, Decima. I know he does."

"Oh, really?" she said dryly. "So that's why he let his father rape me? And here I was thinking it was to protect his own status. Silly me." Severus was about to protest, but she cut him off. "Tell me, Severus, did the person who used you as a human ashtray love you?" He didn't say anything, but his face darkened and his jaw set. "That's what I thought," she intoned. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to have this done by the time Sirius gets back so he doesn't have to finish it for me. He's got enough on his plate with NEWT work without adding my ineptitude to the picture.

Severus stood and gave a little bow. He had been learning from the purebloods about etiquette. She wanted to smack him for it. He had been so much more pleasant to be around when he wasn't clearly itching to be let into their little club so badly that he was morphing into one of them. Perhaps it was because Lily had stopped talking to him. Ever since then, he had been a different person.

"As you wish, Miss Zimmerman," he said smoothly, backing away from her and exiting the library, Sirius and James coming in as he was going out. They exchanged looks of pure loathing, Decima noted, but there wasn't anything they could do right under the nose of Madam Pince, so they simply paused to exchange the vicious facial expressions and went on their way with what they had been doing. Sirius slid into the chair next to Decima.

"Did the greasy git accost you, darling?" he cooed.

"'Cause if he did," muttered James, "I could use a good excuse to hex him."

"He was just making sure I'm okay," said Decima with a frown. "And you guys should lay off him a little; he's not got it easy."

"What, making sure you're okay so he can finish the job my father started in making you a submissive emotional wreck?" growled Sirius. "I don't think so. Stay away from him, CiCi; I want his head on a pike if he ever goes near you again."

"Sirius," she said exasperatedly, but let it drop. She didn't want a fight with one of the few people on her side. Decima was a Slytherin, she knew better than to bite the hand that fed her twice. Instead, she nuzzled her head into his neck. "You should be quiet so I can finish this and you can look it over, baby."

"Okay, love," he whispered. "But I think you ought to talk to Lily about Severus tonight, okay? I know you don't want to believe me because of our on-going rivalry with him, but there're things you need to know. Please, promise me, you'll talk to her about it?"

Decima nodded, wondering what Lily could possibly have to say to her that could change her view of the one Slytherin still talking to her who wasn't living in Gryffindor Tower.

"Okay, now can I take you somewhere really fast?" he said, his eyes clearly burning with lust. "I've been meaning to show you something."

With a knowing smirk, she nodded, handing him her essay to look over. He made some changes with his wand, but nothing major. She was certainly getting better. Professor McGonagall was right, he was the perfect tutor.

Once he'd finished with the essay, he took her hand, left the stuff at the table, and asked James to take her things back to the dormitory, and that they would be back later. Then, before Decima had a chance to ask where he was taking her, he yanked her out of the library and up to the seventh floor, to a long-abandoned classroom in the south corner of the building.

As he closed and locked the door behind him, he panted, "Finally."

Pushing her up against a desk and taking his lips in hers, Decima could feel his need pressing into her. Already? She responded to his kiss, but there was something different about the situation, something awkward that made her wish she was somewhere else. She wasn't enjoying it, she was too busy worrying, but about what, she wasn't sure.

Sirius didn't seem to notice anything was off. He kissed her neck, which would normally give her shivers, but now she was just squirming, not from pleasure, but from discomfort. He couldn't seem to notice the difference, and she was unable to say a word. Her mouth was in the same dazed and confused state as the rest of her. What was wrong? He peeled her shirt over her head and she let him, but the hunger in his eyes as he looked at her didn't register right.

"God, Decima," he muttered as he took his own clothes off, not noticing her wince as he stood before her in all his naked glory. All her thoughts of him being an absolute god were still there, but it didn't excite her. It repulsed her. There was something very, very wrong. He peeled the rest of her clothes off in a sexy way, not noticing the tenseness of her body, or taking it for excitement. When he held her against him, though, and she whimpered slightly, he frowned.

"Are you all right?" he whispered, truly concerned, realizing she was acting strangely.

Decima began to hyperventilate. His hardness was pressed against her leg and she wanted to run away. He wasn't hurting her, and she knew it, but her head was swimming with panic, and she began to cry, she couldn't breathe, and his voice in her ear asking her what was wrong sounded like it was underwater and across the lake. The world spun for what seemed like forever, and then it went black.

When Decima woke up, she was in the hospital wing, she was in the hospital wing once more, fully clothed, thank Merlin, and she felt incredibly dizzy. Sirius was standing by her side with a worried look on his face, pacing frantically, looking at the floor.

"Sirius?" she muttered, still a bit bemused. He froze and turned to her, relief spreading over his features. "What happened?"

"We were…" he trailed off. "Well, you had a panic attack or something. And you passed out."

Ah. Decima remembered now.

"What triggered you like that?" he muttered, petting her softly. "That scared the hell out of me."

"I don't know," she said honestly, sitting up just a little. "Everything just felt wrong, and I felt worried, and then scared, and I don't know why. I just felt like I had to run away."

"Oh, god," he said with a sigh, smacking his forehead with the palm of his hand. "I'm so stupid. My father… CiCi, I … I swear, I didn't… if I had thought… damn, I'm so sorry!"

Somehow, she knew what he meant. She had just had some sort of reaction because of what Orion Black had done to her, and he felt like it was his fault for not realizing this might happen. With a sigh, Decima took his hand in hers and said, "Sirius, love, you had no way of knowing. I don't blame you. I didn't even know it would happen, so how could you?" Shaking her head she whispered, "I just want to know how to get better."

His eyes met hers, no lust, just tenderness.

"I think I'll have to be careful with you, then, darling," he muttered with a weak smile. "Take everything at your pace, and if you're not comfortable, I need you to tell me, okay? Even if it's just a little. I don't want you to do that to me again. I thought something was really, really wrong."

Decima nodded dejectedly and looked at the ceiling. Before she realized what was happening, tears were forming and leaking from the corners of her eyes, trailing down the sides of her face into her hair. Sirius gasped when he noticed them.

"CiCi? What's wrong?"

She just shook her head and wiped her eyes. She didn't know. Everything was wrong. How did everything get so bad so fast? Sirius's whole life built up to running away from home, but for her, everything turned horrible in the course of a month, and there had been no indication it was coming. It finally hit Decima just how horrible everything that happened to her was.

"It's really bad, isn't it?" she muttered. "The way they teach us to just go along with things because they say so, and we don't realize how horrible that is until it's too late to get out." Decima sniffed and sat up a little. "Thank you, Sirius."

He frowned and kissed her on the cheek.

"What for, love?"

"For saving me."

Decima couldn't think of a word to describe his expression. It wasn't one she had seen on him before. It was almost motherly, or perhaps paternal would be a better word. It was too tender to be something he would have used in public. Sirius was proud of his bad-boy image. But she liked it, and when he leaned in to kiss her, Decima kissed him back, nuzzling her cheek on his when their lips parted.

"I would do it all over again," he breathed in her ear. "I'll always be here to save you. I promise."

The next morning, Madam Pomfrey discharged Decima from the hospital wing with a few swallows of Calming Draught, with the understanding that she would return if there was any sort of repeated incident. Sirius took her back to Gryffindor Tower, where she was surprised to find Lily Evans sitting expectantly by the fire. Upon their arrival, the redhead stood and greeted them, inquiring to how Decima was feeling, and saying she was glad that she was better.

"Decima, could I speak with you privately in my dormitory? It shouldn't take long, I'm sure you don't want to miss breakfast," said Lily, glancing at Sirius, who nodded.

"Erm, all right, Lily," said Decima. Sirius squeezed her arm and kissed her on the cheek, heading off to breakfast.

"I'll meet you in the Great Hall, love," he called back at them, as he was exiting the portrait hole.

Lily led Decima to the sixth-year girls' dormitory, which Decima had never been in before. It was certainly neater than the boys' dormitory and smelled much fresher. Part of it was that Peter didn't live here, since he rarely bathed, she was sure of it. The walls were covered in pictures of rock musicians, from the magical and Muggle worlds, whereas the boys decorated their walls with Muggle girls in bikinis and Playboy centerfolds, with a few Quidditch posters.

"What was it you wanted to talk about, Lily?" said Decima as Lily motioned for her to sit down on what Decima presumed was Lily's bed.

"The boys tell me you've been talking with Sev," said Lily, picking awkwardly at a string on her coverlet.

Decima frowned.

"Who–?"

"James mentioned it when he came back from the library last night," Lily muttered. "Do you remember the big confrontation between those two last summer?"

"Well, I wasn't there," admitted Decima, "but of course, I heard something about it. Apparently it turned quite nasty?"

Lily nodded with a little sniff. Were those _tears_ in her eyes? Was Lily Evans _crying_? Decima didn't have the energy for this.

"It started out as pretty usual for them," the redhead said. "But it didn't get ugly fast. I tried to step in on Sev's behalf, and at first it was going okay, but then Sev got frustrated and called me a – a M-mudblood. H-he said he d-d-didn't mean it, but you don't say something like that and not mean it. W-when he came to apologize, I told him I c-couldn't make excuses for him anymore. He'd been dark for s-so long. I just want to believe the best of people, b-b-but James was right. If Sev hasn't taken the D-dark Mark, he will. It's best if you d-distance yourself from him."

Decima hugged the girl who was practically a stranger. Decima had wondered what had killed that friendship. They had always seemed so close. She didn't want to believe that Severus would really be a Death Eater, but Decima had convinced herself that Regulus would never be a Death Eater either, and clearly she had been wrong about that. The world was changing so fast, and she used to think she understood it so well, but now she was wondering if she had ever really understood a thing.

"I'm going to go find Sirius," said Decima, "but thank you for talking to me. I… I have a lot to think about."

Lily nodded and Decima slid out of the room, hearing the strangled sobs of the redhead as she closed the door, taking a deep breath and moving down to Sirius's dormitory, where he was stretched out almost seductively on his bed and flipping through the latest Marauder shared copy of Playboy. She raised her eyebrow and cleared her throat. He dropped the magazine out of shock and looked up at her with a sheepish grin.

"D-decima!" he stuttered. "Um, hey, how was the talk with Lily."

"Probably not as fun as your extracurricular reading," she said with a smirk as she moved toward him. "What page?"

He bit his lip nervously and flipped through the magazine to the page he had been looking at.

"Oh my god," she muttered, looking down at the model on the page, who was lounging naked by a pool with a martini glass in her hand and a pair of blood red stilettos on her feet. That wasn't the part that made Decima's heart stop. It was the fact that the model could have been her sister. It wasn't an exact match, but very similar.

"Yeah, James said there was a girl who looked like you this issue. I thought he was kidding, but Remus backed him up and I had to see for myself," said Sirius who looked thoughtfully down at the magazine picture.

Decima nodded numbly and said, "I was worried you were going to say you don't get enough and thought you'd do some reading to make up for your lack of sex."

Sirius snorted and said, "CiCi, if I didn't think we had enough sex, then I would have a serious problem. There's no way a guy could feel undersexed from the amount of shagging we do."

She laughed, knowing he was right, although it had been since before the engagement party. But he hadn't seemed to mind their lack of intimacy for that short time, and she was nearly healed, she thought, so she kissed his forehead softly and tossed the magazine aside laying on top of him, caressing his face gently, feeling his need growing quickly.

"So, what are you thinking about, then?"

His eyes sparkled with lust as he said, "I'm thinking I need to find a bloody pool so you can do that pose for me."

Decima laughed even harder and said, "Well, I wouldn't be totally opposed to that. But we'd need to get me some red stilettos, as well. All I've got is gray and black."

"I think that can be arranged," muttered Sirius as he began trailing wet, open-mouthed kisses down her neck. "But for now…"

Decima moaned in pleasure as he undid her robe and began undoing her buttons, his fingers moving almost too slow for his mouth, which was still working downwards. It was bliss. It was perfect. She was ready. And then, he began to move her skirt down her hips and she saw not Sirius, but Orion Black, and she screamed, thrusting herself backwards and falling off the bed, hitting the hard, stone floor. The last thing she remembered before the world went black and silent was the feel of warm blood trickling through her hair and Sirius yelling her name in fear.


	11. The Almost Calm Before the Storm

Decima awoke in the all-to-familiar hospital wing to the sound of angry, raised voices. She opened her eyes carefully, only to close them when the light hit her eyes, causing her head to swim in pain. What had caused this ridiculously strong headache? Who was yelling?

"I'm not saying you don't want her, _brother_, I'm saying you don't love her like I do! You don't respect her!"

"You allow our father to get close enough to rape her and then you accuse me of not loving her? I risked going back to your warped universe to help her get out again. You can't accuse me of not loving her!"

"Then why do you keep landing her in the hospital wing?"

"Because I lost control, damn it! I got caught up in how I felt and forgot about her pain for a brief moment, and that was all it took! But don't you dare blame me for her problems! Blame our _dear_ father, if anyone!"

"Inside voices," murmured Decima, as their argument grew louder. Someone grabbed her hand.

"CiCi, love? How do you feel?" cooed Sirius as he petted her hand.

"Like someone's using the Cruciatus Curse on my head."

"Can you open your eyes, darling?"

She shook her head a little and instantly wished she hadn't.

"No, Sirius, it hurts, the light's too bright."

"Regulus," barked Sirius, though softly for her sake, "make yourself useful. Go fetch Madam Pomfrey and get something for her headache."

"Decima, darling, please, I'm so sorry. I moved too fast. I'm so sorry, I promised I wouldn't let it happen again and I failed you."

"Shh," she said, feeling for Sirius's face and stroking it gently. "Don't worry about that, Sirius; it's not your fault. I thought I was ready, but I was wrong. I shouldn't tempt you like that. I don't blame you for anything. Although I suspect Madam Pomfrey does?"

"Yeah, her and everyone else. It seems everyone but Gwen and James think I'm a danger to you."

Decima snorted.

"Right, because I was so much safer without you. That's absurd."

He chuckled softly.

"My thoughts exactly," he murmured before placing a sweet kiss on her forehead. "It's all going to be okay, love, I promise."

"You should stop making her promises, Sirius," said Regulus's snarling voice. "It's pretty obvious you don't know how to keep them."

"Not helpful, Mr. Black," said Madam Pomfrey. "I have a potion here, Miss Zimmerman, and it ought to clear that headache right up. I'm going to place it in your hand here, do you feel it? Good. Drink up."

Decima downed the potion and felt the pressure in her head ebb away instantly. She flickered her eyes open and saw Sirius's anxious face looking down at her.

"How do you feel, dear?" said Madam Pomfrey.

"Much better, thank you."

"Well, then," said the witch, "I'll give you some time with your visitors, if they can behave themselves, and then I'll give you a quick check and I suspect you'll be out of here before dinner."

She nodded and Madam Pomfrey retreated to her office. Sirius leaned down to kiss her. It was caste and sweet, but she could see Regulus scowling over Sirius's shoulder and he simply left the room.

"Did you really have to do that?" Decima sighed as Sirius pulled away with a grin when he heard the door close behind Regulus. It was intentional.

"Of course I did, my love, he wasn't going to ruin my time with you if I had anything to say about it."

She wanted to be mad at him. She wanted to say that she wanted Regulus there. But the words didn't come out and she realized she really didn't want Regulus there after all. It wasn't that she stopped caring about him, or that she never wanted to see him again, but she suddenly realized that things would never be the same between them again, and that things would probably never be okay after what had happened. Sirius, on the other hand, she didn't think she could be without. So she wasn't really mad. She was actually secretly pleased, but knew it wouldn't do anything good for his ego to let him know that, so she put on her best scowl, which he barked with laughter at and kissed her again.

"Oh, love," he said murmured softly. "We're going to need a system, because as much as I love you, I'm sure you've realized I'm not very well practiced at reigning myself in, and I don't want to hurt you again."

Decima just nodded into his chest as he held her.

"Can we just stay like this?" she muttered groggily. "Can you just hold me like this for a while? It makes me feel safe."

"Of course, love," he whispered, petting her hair, smoothing it out of her face and kissing her forehead softly. "I'm not going anywhere unless you make me."

"Do you think Madam Pomfrey will let you spend the night?" she whispered.

"No, she most certainly will not!" said a voice above them, and the lovebirds looked up to see Madam Pomfrey herself standing over them with quite the scowl on her face. "You, Miss Zimmerman have suffered a great deal of trauma over the past week, the least of which inflicted on you by the lack of thought from Mr. Black here. I have no wish of a relapse in this very room!"

"But if I'm already here, it's safer than if I was somewhere else again, right?" she said, with the best smile she could come up with and the most innocent face she could force her features into. Sirius barked incessantly with laughter.

"No, Miss Zimmerman. Mr. Black will be returning to his own bed for the night, and he can pick you up in the morning when I've had a chance to make sure nothing is seriously wrong. It isn't healthy for you to be sharing a bed with someone in your delicate, traumatized condition."

Sirius frowned but Decima muttered, "Like I've got a choice."

"What?" said Madam Pomfrey. Decima had not intended for that to be heard, and she blushed. None of the teachers knew she had moved in to Gryffindor Tower. None of the teachers knew that Gwen was living with Remus, and Decima was living with Sirius.

"N-nothing, Madam Pomfrey, it was nothing," she muttered self-consciously.

"Um," said Sirius, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, "Madam Pomfrey, could you do me a favor and fetch Professor Dumbledore? There's something we really ought to discuss with him."

Madam Pomfrey looked for a moment as though she would refuse. After all, it was rather presumptuous of Sirius to expect her to run his errands. But she looked down at the pitiful pair, knowing all that Decima had gone through, seeing Decima cling to Sirius as though she would die without him, and her head nodded ever-so-slightly before she turned and hurried down the corridors, presumably to Dumbledore's office.

They didn't speak while she was gone. Decima didn't have the energy. She wasn't sure what Sirius needed to talk to Dumbledore about, but somehow she sensed that it was going to involve her getting thrown under the bus in some regard and she wasn't too terribly keen on that. She was just about to ask him what this would involve with the headmaster himself strode in, followed closely by Madam Pomfrey.

"You wished to see me, Mr. Black?"

"Yes, just the three of us, Professor," said Sirius, casting a guilty and apologetic glance at Madam Pomfrey. "If that's all right, I mean."

"Of course," said Professor Dumbledore with a soft nod. "Poppy, if you don't mind terribly?"

"Well," said Madam Pomfrey indignantly. "I'll just go to my office, then, since I'm not allowed to handle my own patient." And she stormed into her office, nearly slamming the door behind her.

"Well, then, what is on your mind, Mr. Black?" said Professor Dumbledore with an odd twinkle in his bright blue eyes.

"Professor, I'm sure you're aware of Decima's current situation with our families."

"I've been told about the disaster, yes."

"Well, in light of all that has happened the Gryffindors have sort of adopted her, since we realized it wasn't safe for her to stay with Slytherin. Gwen and Decima have been living in our dormitory for their own safety. The Head Boy and Girl approved giving them password access to Gryffindor Tower."

"I'll bet the Fat Lady wasn't particularly pleased about that," mused Dumbledore with a faint smile.

"No," said Sirius. "No, she was rather upset. She's okay with it now, though. Madam Pomfrey, however, said something about her needing to sleep on her own, considering all the predicaments I've gotten her into by accident. I'm worried that she might be right, but I can't send her back to Slytherin House."

"My dear boy," said Dumbledore, "I don't think you have anything to worry about. She's safer in your dormitory than she would be anywhere else in the castle. Just be more careful, or Poppy will give Miss Zimmerman her own personalized bed here in the infirmary. As to Miss Zimmerman's change of sleeping arrangements, I was already aware. It is fine. She is still, however, answerable to Professor Slughorn as her head of house, and she still has to take classes with her house. Other than that, you may continue the way you have."

Decima couldn't believe what had just happened. The headmaster had just given her permission to sleep with the Gryffindors? He had just given her permission to sleep in her boyfriend's bed? How often did that happen? Then again, how often did one dare ask permission for that sort of thing, even if one has been raped by one's ex-boyfriend's father? Well, the whole situation was weird, and Decima expected it wasn't safe to say it wouldn't get any weirder. Strange things just seemed to happen around Sirius.

The headmaster, however, did not go so far as to grant Sirius the right to stay the night in the hospital wing with her. Perhaps he, like the students, was not willing to incur the wrath of Madam Pomfrey over such an issue. At any rate, when it came time for Sirius to dash off to bed before curfew, Decima found herself curling up on her hospital wing cot, trying to compensate for the lack of a warm body beside her with the positioning of her blankets. It wasn't working.

The next morning when Sirius came to pick her up, she was deemed fit to be released, except that she was incredibly tired. She nuzzled into Sirius's chest, finally ready to sleep, only to have to face a full day of classes and homework.

"Love," he whispered to her later that night as she finally was ready to doze off, "you have Quidditch practice."

Decima grumbled, but she grabbed her things from their dormitory and led him down to the field, not wanting to face the Slytherins without a Marauder present unless she had to. Sirius understood, and he enjoyed watching Quidditch, although he never got to watch practices. James was a dictator. It was a cool evening, and Sirius's arm around her shoulder as he walked her and Gwen to the changing rooms made her feel cozy and warm. She didn't want to leave him, but he kissed her forehead and went to find a seat.

The girls kept to themselves in the changing room, during practice, and afterwards as they changed out of their sweaty practice clothes. Sirius was waiting for them with a grin as they exited.

"Hello, ladies, good practice," he said, giving Decima a kiss on the cheek before wrapping his arm around her waist to escort them back up to the school. Decima was so pleased with him being near her again that she almost didn't notice Regulus shooting them a sour look as he stormed past them.

"Someone's a bit cranky," said Gwen casually, and Sirius snorted.

"Hey, CiCi, are you going to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?"

Decima was surprised he had even bothered to ask. Remus and GiGi had just assumed they were going together and began talking immediately about where they were going to go when the notice was put up in the common room.

"Of course," she said, nuzzling into his chest as best she could as they walked. "You didn't even have to ask."

"Of course I did, love," he whispered. "One always has to ask. If I just assumed you would go with me, it would be like implying that you were my property, and I don't want to do that. I care about you. You have a mind of your own. I don't own you."

She knew exactly what he was doing. He was making sure she felt as though she had a say in her life. He was helping her move on from the life she used to have, where she was supposed to do what was ordered and not ask questions, where she was the possession of the man she was lucky enough to catch the eye of. Sirius was helping her start over.

She smiled sweetly.

"Where are you taking me?"

He grinned back.

"Everywhere you want to go, love."

That sounded good to Decima, and she was in a good mood the rest of the night, curling up into Sirius's arms on the couch in the common room while they others did their homework. She could do hers later, she decided. For the time being, she just wanted to be with Sirius.

"Are you ready for bed, love?" he whispered as the common room was almost empty, a group of second years heading up the stairs for bed. Decima nodded, allowing Sirius to scoop her up in his arms and carry her up the stairs, kicking open the door to the dormitory when she turned the knob and laying her carefully down in his bed. "Time for bed, love," he whispered, closing the curtains around them and pulling off his shirt. Normally, he slept in his boxers, or completely naked, but since her latest trip to the hospital wing he was trying to behave himself, so he would sleep with his pants on.

Decima pulled off her top and pushed him down on the bed, straddling him. His eyes grew wide and she whispered, "Don't move."

She could see the bulge in his pants growing as she pulled off her skirt and tossed it to the side, kissing his chest. He squirmed beneath her and she bit down on his nipple hard before hissing, "I told you not to move, love."

His eyes were desperate with lust and she moved down his chest with kisses before freezing over his jeans. Sirius's breathing was labored and heavy and suddenly, Decima couldn't go on with it. She realized she wasn't ready and she sighed.

"I can't do this yet, Sirius. I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"Hang on," said Sirius, sitting up carefully and breathing deeply. "Just let me calm down for a second and I'll go to bed."

"I'm sorry, Sirius."

"No, don't apologize. We need to do this at your pace or it won't be any good."

Decima just nodded as Sirius curled up, holding out his arms to invite her over to him. He wrapped them around her as they spooned, falling fast asleep in each other's arms, their breathing and their heartbeats synchronized.

On the morning of the Hogsmeade trip, Sirius and Remus were told to leave the room and go change somewhere else. They weren't allowed to see their dates before it was time to "pick them up."

"But we live in the same room," whined Sirius, who had wanted to watch Decima change.

It didn't happen. Sirius and Remus were dragged off to the seventh year boys' dormitory to change by a very sheepish and reluctant James, who swore up and down he was just doing this to make sure everybody was on their best behavior that day. If he hadn't, he reminded them, the girls would be cranky, and Merlin knows, Decima heard him mutter, there's nothing more miserable to deal with than a cranky girl.

Gwen and Decima put on their Muggle clothes, did their hair, and put on just a little bit of makeup. Decima had learned when she was with Regulus that she got the best response when she did as little as possible with her general appearance. Her light bun with wisps of hair falling out was simple, but sexy. Her makeup was incredibly natural. If she hadn't just seen herself put it on, she wouldn't have known she was wearing any.

Gwen squeaked her being done, and they exited the bathroom where to where James and Peter were pulling on their t-shirts. James blinked, put on his glasses, blinked again and said, "Merlin, ladies, looking good!"

"Thanks, James," said Gwen graciously. "We're off to meet our boys. We'll see you guys around."

With that, the girls took off down the steps to meet Remus and Sirius in the common room, where they were lounging on the couch. As soon as the girls stepped in the stood and looked at their dates, jaws open and eyes wide.

"Wow," said Sirius, "you look amazing, CiCi."

"Yeah," muttered Remus. "GiGi, you look… wow."

Good enough.

"So, ladies," said Sirius with his smoothest voice, "where would you like to go when we get to the village?"

The girls looked at each other with a grin.

"Honeydukes!" they said with the same excited squeal.

There's really only one thing to do first at Hogsmeade if you're a chocoholic, and both Decima and Gwen fit that description perfectly. The boys chuckled as they took the hands of their girls and led them out of the portrait hole, no doubt having already guessed that this would be their first stop.

"Remember, ladies," said Sirius, "it's all on James, so buy whatever you want."

It was funny, true, but it would have been even funnier if it wasn't the truth. Sirius's parents were giving Decima and Sirius quite a bit of gold that would have otherwise gone to James. Decima knew it was probably less than Sirius was used to, but he didn't complain. He obviously thought it was better than being beat to a bloody pulp every holiday.

Walking across the grass towards the gates, hand in Sirius's hand, Decima felt invincible. She should have known better.


	12. The Storm

It seemed like the perfect Hogsmeade trip, but then, things are never as they seem. The girls were dragging Remus and Sirius from Honeydukes with large bags of purchased sweets, leading them to the Three Brooksticks for butterbeer. Lily was just coming out of the post office and she smiled and waved at them.

"Hey, Remus, Decima, Gwen, Black!"

Sirius snorted.

"So I'm the only one without a first name, now? You've even started calling James by his first name, Lily. Or should I say Evans?"

Lily just shook her head and looked at the sizable Honeydukes bags. Her eyes widened.

"Someone's hungry," she said with a smirk. "Please tell me you're up to sharing?"

"Sorry, Lily," said Decima loftily, wrapping her arm around Sirius's waist. "There's only one thing I won't share with anyone in the world, including Sirius, and that's chocolate. Same goes for Gwen."

"What was that?" said Sirius, his ears perking up.

"What was what, love?" said Decima, frowning.

"Shh," said Remus looking around the street warily. It was filled with students rushing from place to place. James and Peter came out of the Three Broomsticks to join them, looking around with equally wary faces.

"CiCi," whispered Sirius, "take Lily and GiGi into the Three Broomsticks. Get yourselves some butterbeer. We'll meet you inside, okay?"

"Sirius," she said with a frown. "What's wrong? Why won't you come in with us?"

"Decima, just do what I say," he growled, but before she had a chance to respond, a curse came at them from the shadows of an alley and he pushed her to the ground. Students began to scatter everywhere, screaming and rushing toward buildings.

"Come and play," said a voice from the shadows. It was a woman. She could hear Sirius spit his cousin's name. Bellatrix was in the alley, and Decima was sure she wasn't alone.

Shielding her body as they crawled, Sirius got her inside the Three Broomsticks, Peter shoving Lily and Gwen in after her. James and Remus were already rushing around, ushering students into buildings and looking for a teacher. The Marauders were in their element.

When the streets were cleared, they stood, back to back in a circle, wands out and ready for attack. A flash of blue shot at Sirius, and he deflected it, sending Stunning Spells in the direction it had come from. Green came at Remus and he put up a quick shield charm. Decima knew what that shade of green meant. If he had been a half a second slower, he would be dead. Gwen grasped her arm anxiously.

The battle went on for what seemed like forever. They couldn't make it to a building for their own safety without putting themselves at risk of attack so they just stood there, back to back, on defensive, looking incredibly alert.

"They're so brave," tittered a girl nearby. The entire bar was crowding at the window for a closer look.

"That look on Sirius's face is so sexy. Stoic."

Decima wanted to vomit. These girls were looking at the boys who were risking their lives for the safety of everyone else and talking about them as though they were modeling underwear. It was disgusting.

Finally, the teachers arrived, including Professor Dumbledore, and the attacks on the Marauders halted incredibly abruptly. Dumbledore ushered them into the post office and had the staff look around for the perpetrators of the attack, but after a half an hour it was clear that they were no longer in the village and the staff escorted the students back up to the school.

"Sirius," said Decima, rushing over to him as he came out of the post office. "Are you okay?"

He nodded and kissed her forehead, taking her hand and leading her off to the castle.

"I'm fine," he mumbled. "Let's get out of here, CiCi."

"Sirius," she said, softly and carefully, "that was Bellatrix, wasn't it?"

He tensed, not looking at her, but she could feel his fingers tighten around her hand and knew she was right. Sirius was in a horrible mood, and she wasn't sure what he would do. She wasn't sure what he was capable of. She had seen him at his lowest, having his mother using him as a punching bag, and he had certainly not looked it then, but she knew he was strong, powerful, and dangerous, just like his father. Decima inwardly shuddered and hoped she wouldn't have to see the extent of his wrath.

However, Decima didn't directly experience the full extent of his wrath, but the indirect hurt worse, she decided, for the way in which Sirius decided to take out his emotions cut her to her very core. Decima saw Sirius Black (she knew it was him) shagging a Gryffindor fourth year that afternoon and her heart shattered into a million little pieces. When she talked to Remus, he didn't even bother trying to deny it. Sirius had cheated on her.

There had to be some way for her to get back at him, she thought as she sat on the floor of the common room, reduced to staring at a rug while the Marauders did their Transfiguration homework by the fire. There had to be a way to make him hurt as much as he had just hurt her. There had to be something she could do, someone she could shag… Someone lonely and desperate enough to agree to shag a taken woman. Someone who Sirius would be furious about her shagging.

Ah, yes, she thought, looking up at the Marauders. He'd do nicely.

The 'he' in question was James, who was sitting in an armchair, scowling at a textbook that was resting on the arm of a chair. She put on her best smile and glided over to the fire, winking at Gwen, who had taken to shooting her with worried looks at every possible moment since Sirius's betrayal that afternoon, obviously knowing that Decima would do something stupid. And she did. She slid onto James's lap as though it were the most natural thing in the world and he was so shocked that he didn't even push her off.

"Good evening, boys, and GiGi," she said, her eyes not leaving James's the whole time.

"Hey, CiCi," said Gwen nervously. "How are you feeling?"

Decima almost smirked, but she didn't. She wanted to be seductive, and James's eyes stayed glued to hers in rapturous shock as she adjusted her seating, making sure to grind her backside right into his groin. His eyes widened and his pupils dilated. This was going to be way too easy.

James wasn't a virgin, she knew, but he had been a good boy for the whole year, trying very, very hard to get Lily's attention in the best way possible and he hadn't slept with anyone. Decima was sure there was a lot of pent up frustration that his hand just couldn't cure, and she leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Want something, Potter?" flicking her tongue casually against the shell of his ear as she spoke. He very nearly whimpered.

Remus and Gwen were looking on worriedly. Decima knew she was being stupid. She knew she would regret this in the morning, but right now, she didn't care. Sirius would pay, and James was such an easy target.

"Follow me," she whispered, trailing her tongue along his ear, which caused him to actually whimper, and he followed her without a second thought as she took her hand and led him upstairs to his bed. Suddenly, all her post-trauma trepidation was gone and replaced with her drive for revenge.

It was not good sex.

There wasn't anything wrong with James, exactly. She was sure that under more normal circumstances (relatively speaking, of course, because under normal circumstances, she never would have shagged James), it would have been perfectly satisfactory. But Decima found it less than wonderful for several reasons. The first of which was the fact that James was so sexually frustrated that he was hard in about a half a second and came about five minutes later. Sure, they had a brief second round that lasted a little longer, but still, it was like shagging a thirteen-year-old.

The second reason, of course, was Sirius. Not only was she mentally comparing James in every way to Sirius, and nobody could match up to that benchmark, but she also was thinking of Sirius's betrayal and possible reactions to her and James's betrayal the entire time. It's hard to get off on guilt like that. But she was sure it would be worth it.

After the second round, they laid there, staring at the ceiling, naked on James's bed, thinking over what they had just done.

"Shit," said James.

"Yup," said Decima.

"I didn't just do that," said James, panicked.

"No, you really just did," she said.

"No, no, no, I can't have. Sirius'll kill me. I'll kill me. What will Lily think?"

Decima sighed and sat up, looking down at the boy she had just shagged.

"Look, James, Sirius won't kill you. It was my fault. I took advantage of you completely and if he wants to blame anyone, it'll have to be me. And Lily won't think any less of you because I don't think she _can_ think any less of you than she already does."

James groaned.

"Thanks for the completely lame pep talk. So what are we going to do when Sirius finds out? Shouldn't we have a plan or something?"

But it was too late for that, because Sirius was already bursting into the room, clearly having just been informed of their treachery by Remus and Gwen, and he looked ready to kill. He was furious. Decima couldn't help but notice how much he looked like his father in that moment. She flinched.

"JAMES!" he roared. "What the hell?"

"Okay," said James, freaking out, "I can explain." They stared at him. "Okay, I can't explain," he broke down, looking as though he wanted to jump out of the window with shame.

"James, get dressed and get out, I'll explain," said Decima. "It's not your fault anyway."

James gave her a grateful look and began pulling his clothes back on with incredible speed, rushing out of the room as soon as his pants were on and pulling his shirt on as he went. When they heard him fall down the stairs, Sirius turned to Decima.

"What the hell just happened?"

She frowned at him, giving him a look that ought to have killed him, yet somehow didn't. She pulled on her clothes as she spoke and then got up and crossed the room to face him.

"What happened is you cheated on me. Don't try to lie about it, Sirius, Remus all but confirmed it when he didn't answer my questions, and I walked in on it. So I got back at you as best as I could, and you know, I don't even feel bad because you deserved it. You're just like your goddamn father."

That did it. Suddenly, Decima was on the floor.

Decima hadn't fully realized that his fist had hit her jaw until she felt the sting of the contact. Sirius's angry eyes became wide with shock as he opened his hand and eyed the red mark on her face.

"Oh my god," he whispered. "What did I just do?"

She couldn't meet his eyes, so her gaze fell to his knees and began to vainly attempt to fight the tears forming in her eyes. But as she was avoiding her own tears, a strange sound wafted down to her. Sirius was crying. He collapsed on the floor next to her.

"I'm so sorry, Decima," he whispered croakily. "I don't' even know what just happened. What made me so angry?"

"W-we were fighting," Decima sniffed. "I c-compared you to your father. I shouldn't have. I'm s-sorry."

"Don't apologize," Sirius said tiredly. "This isn't your fault. None of this is your fault. You were right. What kind of man hits the girl he just cheated on?" He gave a humorless laugh. "My father's that kind of man. I guess I am too. I don't' know how you can stay in the same room with me."

"Please, Sirius," she whispered, all anger at him suddenly vanished, "I know what you're going to say, and I'm begging you not to leave me. You don't really want to."

"God, Decima, is your sense of self-worth really that low? I'm turning into the very person that ruined you!"

"But this is all we know, isn't it?" she sighed. "You're behaving how you were raised and I'm behaving the way I was raised. But you know, we're different. We're already better than our parents because you feel sorry and I'm forgiving you not because I have to, but because I love you, and because I know it was a reflex you didn't mean. Now that I know what sets you off, we can avoid this in the future. But please don't blame yourself and give up, because I know you love me and I think we can change together."

Sirius gave a bitter sort of laugh.

"You're really something else. What makes you think we're so capable of change?"

"Because," whispered Decima, "after everything that's happened, after everything we've been through, I'm not ready to give up on us because of a few relatively negligible mistakes. Maybe it's because I'm crazy, or maybe it's because you're all I've got left, but I love you and I don't want to let you push me away."

They stared at each other for a moment as though measuring each other with their eyes. Then, suddenly, Sirius gently and sweetly pressed his lips to hers in a chaste kiss.

"But if you sleep with James again," he growled, "I'll kill you both."

"I'd expect nothing less," she laughed.

He frowned for a moment. Then he moved the hair out of her eyes and kissed her nose.

"I know there's no excuses for me cheating on you," he whispered, "but can I at least explain? It won't make it better, but I think we're already even on that count, anyway."

Decima sighed and nodded.

"If I ever even think about sleeping with James again, take me to the hospital wing because I've obviously gone outside my right mind."

Sirius chuckled and lifted her carefully off the floor, depositing her gently onto his bed.

"That bad, eh?"

"You have no idea," she moaned.

"No, you're right, I don't," he whispered, crawling into the bed next to her and wrapping his arms around her. "James and I have never shagged. I'm guessing that's an experience I ought to avoid?"

It took her a moment to process these words, but then Decima smacked his chest hard and he laughed.

"Sirius Black, if you so much as think of shagging James, I'll kill you both. That's disgusting!"

"I'll take that as a yes, then, love. Don't worry, I won't ask for details. I don't want to know." His expression darkened. "But as to my cheating on you, I know it's completely inexcusable, but I needed something to take out all my aggression and stress on, and I usually would use sex. The problem was, love, I didn't want to push you after having sent you to the hospital wing too many times over this. I didn't think it was time. So I thought if I just did it with someone else and hid it from you, we'd both be at least partially happy." He shook his head and avoided her eyes. "Pretty stupid, huh?"

"Exceptionally," Decima agreed, nuzzling her chin into his chest. "But I've already forgiven you a hundred times over, and there's no more to talk about."

"Wait," said Sirius, sitting up with a gleam in his eye that wasn't unfamiliar, but certainly felt more than slightly out of place. Hello, Sirius Black's lust gleam. Haven't seen you in a while, how've you been? How was that other woman? Even in her head, it sounded ridiculous.

"What?"

"Does this mean you're okay now?"

"What does that even mean, Sirius?"

"You just slept with James. Does this mean you're okay?"

He was right. She had just had sexual intimate contact without having a bizarre flashback or feelings of extreme fear. She wasn't in the hospital wing. Hell, there was even a round two. However, there had also been rage, fury, and revenge running through her veins, coursing through her body, seeping out her pores. Maybe that negated all the other effects?

"I don't know."

Is there a polite way to say, "When I was shagging your best friend I was thinking of how much I wanted to slit your throat"? Decima thought not, so she left it alone.

"Well," said Sirius, looking down at his sheets and then sheepishly up into her eyes. She couldn't help herself. That eager, almost innocent look was just too damn adorable.

"You want to try, don't you?"

He nodded, embarrassed.

"I've missed you, love," he whispered. "If you want to stop, say so and we will, I promise, no matter how far we get. I'll deal with it. I just want to try. I want to get all the James funk off you," he said with his nose crinkled, "because right now I can smell him on you and it's kind of weirding me out."

There was no way not to laugh at that, so Decima gave in and laughed.

"It's not funny! Now I know the kind of trauma we inflicted on him when he though we were shagging in his bed! Smells can do strange things to a person, you know!"

"I don't think it was smells," said Decima, "more the idea of knowing what had happened."

"Either way," said Sirius with a grin that was a far more familiar sight on his face than his previous sheepish expression, "I want you, if you'll let me have you."

"Haven't had too much sex today?" she joked.

"Decima, love, there is no such thing as too much sex, as you well know," he said, kissing her neck affectionately.

"Well, then," she said with a fake reluctant sigh. "I suppose we'll just have to try it.

"Best thing I've heard all day," he said with a grin, closing the curtains around them, lust burning brightly in his eyes.


	13. Author's Note Chapter

THIS CHAPTER IS AN EXPLANATORY AUTHORS NOTE

Sooo… it has come to my attention that many of you find my last chapter to be disturbing, hard to swallow, unrealistic. I'm going to try and explain my motivation as best as possible so that you understand where I'm coming from in moving forward with this story and why I feel that chapter couldn't have been written any other way.

FIRSTLY: Sirius cheats on Decima. Okay, so he's a teenage boy. It was bound to happen eventually. I know not one girl I was friends with in school who didn't get cheated on at one point or another, even by really nice boys. Sometimes, we convince ourselves that we're doing the right thing, that there's a good reason for stuff like that, and Sirius sure thought he was doing something not so terribly awful, or at least, he talked himself into thinking that. He was obviously wrong. Very, very wrong.

SECONDLY: Decima cheats on Sirius. So, revenge is a powerful motivator, and it's very eye-for-and-eye and all that. I mean, I don't think her rationale for cheating on him needs too much explanation. Hell hath no fury…

THIRDLY: Decima/James. Ah, yes, this was fun to write, mostly because it's not particularly flattering of James, who I am liking less and less the more fan fiction I read and write and the farther I get into my Harry Potter fan fiction research paper. Anyway… It's like cheating on a girl with her sister. There's just no better way to get revenge than a guy with his best friend, and if a guy has gone long enough without sex, trust me on this, he'll act first and think later, and James DOES regret this, very, very, very much. And despite Decima's attempts to take all the blame, Sirius does fine a way to make James pay for this, and it's well deserved. Trust me, this is a very important feature later in the plot.

FOURTHLY: Decima forgives Sirius. So, this was a really tough one for people to swallow, and seems unrealistic, I know, and I realize that. But I know so many girls who have been cheated on, myself included (I've been on both sides of that coin and have decided to deal in different currency altogether from now on…), and the sad fact of the matter is, very few have the strength of character it takes NOT to move on quickly. Myself included. And I know from personal experience that a broken person is not about to walk away from their security, and she knows that even with all his flaws, Sirius is the best thing that has ever happened to her. She has been trained from birth to shut up and put up, and although Sirius tries hard to break her of this terrible habit, she's still very much a creature of habit at this point and doesn't want to lose Sirius, so even though I WILL say, she hasn't ENTIRELY forgiven him, and it will come up later, she's going to forgive him on the surface and keep the peace because she really has NOTHING else left if she loses him and she knows it.

FIFTHLY: Sirius forgives Decima. Sirius doesn't really even feel like he has a right not to, after not only cheating on her first, which he already feels immensely guilty about because, GUESS WHAT, he's a good guy who knows he screwed up. Shocking. BUT, he also feels horrible about hitting her and is counting his blessings that she isn't leaving him for that mistake because he feels as though he truly doesn't deserve her at this point, so what kind of man would he be to not forgive her, especially since he feels he's done much, much worse. No, the one he hasn't forgiven yet is James. Don't forget, he's madly in love with the little bitch, and he's got quite the set of hormones. Never underestimate male hormones. NEVER.

So all in all, EVERYTHING in this chapter is actually based on real life situations I've either witnessed or experienced, so it's all actually incredibly realistic. Oh, the irony. If something's still bugging you, feel free to message me about it and I'll try to put your mind at ease, but just know that just because they've kissed, made up, and had sex doesn't mean things is all butterflies and bunnies from here on out. They've still got a lot of shit to wade through, as evidenced by their behavior and their acknowledgement of the horribleness of their behavior. Now that they're aware of it, though, they've at least got a starting point for fixing it, and that's something.

Hope this helps! Again, never hesitate to contact me if there's something you don't agree with or understand. To be honest, I was sort of expecting the reactions I got from this chapter, and I ought to have added a short note at the end of the chapter, but I was so excited about getting it up that I neglected to. Ah, well, pay now or pay more later.

Cheers!

-J


	14. A Whole New Playing Field

Decima woke the next morning with Sirius's warm arms wrapped around her and his naked body pressed closely to hers. She couldn't clearly remember the last time she had woken up this way, but she knew it had been far too long. Peacefully, she nuzzled her nose into his warm next, feeling his breath move his chest up and down against her.

She looked down at his face with a frown. Had she forgiven him too quickly? He looked peaceful, almost angelic lying there, but she couldn't enjoy the view. She was thinking of his hot, sweaty body holding another girl. He had been scared of pushing her… While she told herself it was sweet to consider her, a part of her was also screaming that if he couldn't even keep it in his pants for something like this, how could she consider him a faithful boyfriend? Had it truly been a one-time slip-up? After all, he had spent most of his teenage years moving from girl to girl. What happened when he got bored of Decima? Would he have the decency to break up with her, or, not to let down the Potters, how had decided she was practically their daughter now, would he just screw around behind her back?

As much as Decima wanted to tell herself that he was just using her, as much as she felt she ought to believe that, she couldn't believe it, and she couldn't bring herself to extract her body from his arms. After all, where would she go? She had to believe him. She had to trust him, because he was all she had left.

Sirius stirred under her breath and smiled up at her, his eyes flickering open. That was the kicker. She couldn't doubt him with that adorable, roguish smile.

"Good morning, love," he said, lifting his head off the pillow to kiss her nose.

"Good morning," she sighed, resting her head contentedly on his warm chest as he cuddled her.

"What time is it?" he grunted.

"Too early," muttered Decima into his chest, which vibrated with his shaking bark of laughter.

"Sirius?" said a tentative voice above them. It was James.

"What's up, Prongs?"

"Don't tell Evans about any of this, please?" James said anxiously. "I've been trying to be good all year, and I know I really screwed up and I don't even deserve your forgiveness, forget about your cooperation, but please, Sirius, I beg you not to mention it to her."

"You think I'm going to promise something like that?" barked Sirius, amused. "Merlin, Prongs, I thought you were smart. You don't get a free pass just because CiCi begs on your behalf, even though she's pretty. I'll make you regret it properly in my own way." Sirius paused and looked up at James. "By the way, she's pretty good, huh?"

Decima was mortified. Why was Sirius discussing her sex with James like this?

"Um, yeah," admitted James.

"Wrong answer, Potter," growled Sirius, a vicious look flashing in his eyes. "She's mine, and don't you forget it."

James winced.

"I didn't mean – I mean I – was there even a right answer to that question?"

"No, not really," said Sirius, "but I suggest you leave us alone now before I hex you."

James did as asked and Sirius yanked the curtains closed again, hugging Decima to him tightly.

"Do you have to be so mean to him?" she muttered. "It was my fault."

"He broke the Marauder's Code, CiCi," said Sirius. "And he's practically my brother. There are no excuses. I'll forgive him eventually, but I have to exact revenge first. It's only fair."

Decima could understand that. After all, that's what she had done to Sirius. And considering the fact that he was now playfully nibbling on her ear, she was pretty happy with her decision. She let a contented sigh escape her lips and he turned her onto her back, getting on top of her, one leg between her thighs.

"God, I've missed you," he whispered before pressing his lips passionately to hers. His tongue flicked across her bottom lip and she opened her mouth in anticipation, but it didn't enter right away. His mouth was open against hers for just a moment, breathing hotly into hers, before his tongue flitted inside and began to play with hers. As his hands began to caress her breasts, she moaned into his mouth.

Almost as soon as she did, he took his mouth off hers and pressed hot, wet kisses down her chin and neck, before snapping a few love bites on her collarbone. She gasped and wriggled underneath him, her groin now pressed into his thigh.

"Sirius!" called Remus. "Decima! Breakfast!"

"Go away, Moony!" growled Sirius.

There was a pause.

"I guess they made up," Decima heard Gwen say, and Sirius just chuckled and began suck and licking Decima's neck.

Much to Decima's surprise, they did end up going to breakfast that day. When she found out why, though, she wished they hadn't.

Sirius passed right by James and sat down right next to Mary MacDonald, who happened to be sitting across from Lily Evans. Decima frowned and shot Remus and Gwen a confused look, but they looked just as surprised as she was. She sat down next to him, worry growing within her, and knew instantly why they had sat there.

"So, honest assessment, love, who's better me or James?"

Decima spat out the pumpkin juice she had just been attempting to ingest and gave him what she hoped was a horrified look.

"How would she know?" said Mary with more than mild interest.

"Oh, you mean the gossip hasn't made it all around Gryffindor yet?" said Sirius dryly. "He and Decima slept together last night."

Lily dropped her fork, Mary dropped her jaw and Decima dropped her head into her hands as Sirius dropped what was left of her dignity out the window in front of the biggest gossip in all of Hogwarts.

"Potter did what?" said Lily, recovering herself and picking her fork back up, pretending quite badly that she really didn't care what James had done.

"Slept with Decima," said Sirius casually, though Decima could see the vengeful glint in his eye, and she honestly wasn't impressed.

"Sirius," she said in a warning tone, but he pretended not to hear.

"Last night. I walked in and they were on his bed."

"Sirius!" Decima growled. "None of this is James's fault. This is between you and me, or do you want me to tell the world what you did last night?"

She knew he was wondering if she was referring to his infidelity or his accidental abuse. He had tensed beside her and the tables were turned. Everyone else at the table was insatiable curious, now, and she could see James attempting to hide his mortified face behind an upside-down copy of the _Daily Prophet_. Most people just thought Sirius had cheated on her, too. Apparently, Sirius didn't want to take his chances with her intentions and he shook his head and gave an exasperated sigh. Decima would have been satisfied, but the damage was already done. Lily knew James had slept with someone else, and not only someone else, but his best mate's girl. The poor boy would need more than a miracle, now, if he ever wanted to have his sweet little redhead.

As soon as politeness allowed her to, Decima grabbed Sirius's hand and pulled him away from the table, dragging him out across the entrance hall, to an empty classroom. Misreading her intentions completely, he closed the door behind them, a smirk gracing his face and his eyes screaming with lust.

"It's a little early in the morning," he muttered into her hair as he hugged her tightly, "to be stealing away in deserted classrooms, but it has been so long…"

Decima pushed him back.

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what, love?" said Sirius with the most innocent face he could assemble on short notice.

"Throw your best friend under the bus."

Sirius's eyes went from burning lust to ice-cold anger in about a quarter of a second.

"Because he threw you into his bed."

"Not true, and you know it, Sirius!" Decima cried. "I coaxed him there. He was hesitant, dazed, confused, and I took advantage of him. Now you're running around telling all of Gryffindor that he's a first-class manwhore! Do you want for us to have nowhere to go? Have you forgotten his parents are the ones putting us up?"

There was actually a flash of realization on his face as Sirius sank into an empty chair. He propped his elbows on the desk and buried his face in his hands, heaving a great sigh.

"Sirius," Decima whispered, attempting vainly to pry his hands off his face as she crawled her way onto his lap. "Sirius, please, look at me." He did, but she was surprised to see a pitiful, dejected face looking up at her. "Love," she whispered, caressing his face with her fingertips, "you two have been best friends since long before I ever came around. This isn't about what he did, and you know it. You're still upset about my betrayal, and you have a right to be. To be honest, I'm still upset that you slept with someone else. Whatever our reasons, it was stupid, but that's who we are. We're stupid, impulsive, screwed up kids who need each other's constant attention or we fall apart from our own pride and foolishness. I need you," she whispered, pressing her lips briefly to his, "and I want you to know that I would never want him more than you. It was truly the worst sex of my life." He chuckled softly. "Please forgive him?"

"Oh, Decima," said Sirius with a sigh, hugging her tightly to him. "You know, I'd probably forgive my own mother if you asked it of me."

"Not your father?" she whispered, tentatively.

"No," he said firmly. "What he did is completely unforgivable. Even if you begged on bended knee, I could never forgive him."

"Then it's a damn good thing I would never ask that of you," she mumbled into his neck, brushing her lips softly against his skin. He leaned his head back to give her better access to his neck and she began to nip and suck at it as he moaned. She trailed her tongue back up to his lips and dragged it across the bottom one, inviting his tongue out to play, an invitation he eagerly accepted.

His hands had just begun to move along her thighs, tracing their way up her skirt when she pulled back, depriving him of her tongue, and stood up, depriving him of her entirely. He moaned dejectedly and she said, "We're going to be late for classes, dear, and I for one would rather not explain to Professor McGonagall why I'm late."

"Sluggy won't mind," he said with a wink. "I'll just tell her we were doing so last minute brushing up and lost track of time. Don't go to class today, baby, please."

For a moment, Decima wanted to be cruel and refuse. She wanted to run off to Transfiguration and leave him sitting there with his hard-on, knowing he'd be thinking about her for the rest of the day in agonizing anticipation. But then she realized leaving meant going to Transfiguration, and without a seconds more hesitation, she slid back onto his lap and took his lips in hers, thinking she had surely never made a better choice.

She couldn't believe how fast he had gotten both of their clothes off. Suddenly, they were skin on skin, sitting on a desk, their lips flying across each other, their hands roaming each other's familiar bodies.

"You're so perfect," muttered Sirius. "God, I don't know what I did to deserve you."

Decima just chuckled darkly as she ran her tongue along his neck, causing him to gasp and shudder. This was just too easy.

Grinding her hips into him roughly, it was all Decima could do not to smirk at his growing need, at the guttural noises escaping his lips, and his eyes rolling back in his head. His hands were almost immediately on her ass, pushing her closer as he squirmed underneath her.

"You want me, Sirius?" she whispered, licking his ear playfully.

"Uhn," he moaned back, gripping her tighter, grinding against her harder.

"I mean really, really want me," she muttered before running her tongue forcefully down his neck and he whined in response.

"Oh, _Merlin_, Decima, yes, I _need_ you."

"Then promise me something," she whispered.

He swallowed as her breath played across his skin.

"Anything."

That was exactly what Decima had wanted to hear. That morning at breakfast, Sirius had decided to play dirty against his own best friend. Well, Sirius had told her he wanted her to be more assertive… Sirius Black, meet Decima Zimmerman. Want to play dirty? Well, well, two could play this game.

"Promise me you'll forgive James," she said, grinding her hips into him.

"Yes," he hissed. "I promise."

"Promise me you'll lie to Lily and Mary to stop the rumor mill," she breathed into his ear as she ground against him again."

"Oh, god, yes, Decima, I promise."

She smirked. This really was too easy.

"You do know I'm holding you to these promises after we're done here, right?"

"I know, I know, just hurry and fuck me, damn it!"

Yep, Decima was now completely convinced. Figure out what the boy needs, or thinks he needs, and you'll have him eating out of the palm of your hand. Or… well, yeah. It was a damn good thing Decima had her wits enough about her to make sure they couldn't be heard from the hall because the screaming probably would have scared even the ghosts. When they were lying on the floor, panting, two and a half hours later, Sirius's back had red nail marks all over it, Decima had a bruise darkening on her neck, and a matching one on her left nipple, and Sirius was coming slowly back to his senses in the sweaty, sticky, afterglowing mess that was their entangled bodies on the cold stone floor.

"Shit," he muttered. "I have to undo my genius plan, don't I?"

Trying hard to mask her smirk, but failing awfully, Decima nodded, distracting his lips from saying annoyed things at her with a kiss. He didn't seem to mind, and they were soon nuzzling as comfortably as one can possibly do on such an uncomfortable surface.

"We still have an hour before lunch," muttered Sirius. "We could go clean off… in the Prefect's bath."

Decima smacked him and giggled, but she let him throw her clothes hastily back on her so that he could drag her eagerly to the place where they had had one of their first encounters for the first time since they had become a couple. Her heart was racing as he led inside and turned on the water and a couple of carefully selected bubbles and perfumes.

Her clothes had a very short-lived inhabitancy on her body that morning, and they were back on the floor in less than a minute and Sirius peeled off his own, carrying her tenderly to the large tub and lowering her body onto his as he sank into the bubbly, sweet-smelling water. His eyes never left hers as he began to glide his fingertips gently along her body, not leaving any part of her untouched.

"You're so incredibly beautiful," he whispered, his hot breath on her ear. "Do you know that?"

Decima ignored the crimson creeping onto her cheeks and lifted one wet hand to stroke his hair for a moment, then tangle her fingers up in it.

"Are you asking for another round?" he said, amused as he used his free arm to pull her even closer to him, hand gripping her ass.

"Are you up for another round?" she replied seductively brushing her face against his.

"If you keep on like this I will be," he breathed before placing hot, open-mouthed kisses down her neck, stopping where he reached the waterline. "Oh, Decima, why can't we just do this all the time?"

"Because," she murmured, "I have O.W.L.s to pass this year."

His laughter was interrupted by someone else entering the prefects' bath. They both tensed, not looking at who it was, but Sirius shielded her body from view with his own.

"Who's there?" he called.

Decima looked over his shoulder to see Regulus standing there, staring at them, completely shocked, his mouth open wide and his eyes even wider.

"Regulus?" she said nervously. "What are you doing out of class?"

"It's lunch now," he muttered, turning red as Sirius craned his neck around to look at his little brother.

"Wonderful," said Sirius sharply. "So go eat and leave us alone."

"No," said Regulus firmly, though he looked surprised with the confidence of his own voice.

"You heard me," said Sirius threateningly. "Get out."

"No," said Regulus. "Decima, please, don't do this. I realize it was foolish of me to expect you to be able to come back to society, and I'm ashamed of the situation I put you in, but you have to believe that I still love you and I still want you. This thing with Sirius, it's just a phase, I'm sure of it. We've loved each other for so long; don't throw it away because of my father, please."

Decima could hardly believe that he had just said all that. She and Sirius were embracing, naked, in a bubble bath before his eyes and he just asked her to come back to him. Of all of the insane things that had been done within the past forty-eight hours, she was sure this took the cake.

"Regulus, it's not a phase," she said simply. "I love him."

"No," he said again, clinging to that word as though it would change the world back to the way it was. Part of her wished the world could go back to how it was, as well, not because she wanted Regulus back, or because she didn't love Sirius, but because maybe then she wouldn't have so much pain and confusion. Before, things had been simple. Within just a few months, everything got so incredibly complicated.

"Look, you're obviously not leaving on your own accord," said Sirius, "so it looks like I'm going to have to settle this the old-fashioned way."

"And that is?" said Decima, nervously regarding the fury flashing in his eyes. Regulus had just stepped into his territory and tried to take what was his. She was guessing it was a duel to the death.

"Muggle fighting," said Sirius, "no wands. And since I want to get back to where we were once I kick his ass, no clothes. Only fair."

Before either Slytherin had a chance to say a word, Sirius dislodged himself from Decima, who he set down carefully where he had been sitting and surrounded with bubbles, so as not to be looked at by her ex-boyfriend, and climbed out of the tub. She had to hand it to him; the boy was completely comfortable with his body. Regulus looked only mildly surprised. After all, he had grown up with Sirius. Perhaps that had taught him not to be surprised by anything his brother did.

Decima suddenly realized that the fantasy of probably half the girls in Hogwarts was about to be played out in front of her very eyes. Two of the hottest boys in Hogwarts were about to fight for her, in all their virility, completely naked, displaying all their masculine glory. All they needed was James Potter thrown into the mix and she would be fulfilling the most secret wish of every female in the building, perhaps even Professor McGonagall. Still, she was a bit nervous about the outcome. What if Sirius lost?

What a silly worry, she thought as Sirius stood there, watching his little brother nervously take off his socks and shoes, beginning the stripping. She looked over Sirius and knew without a glimmer of doubt in her mind that he would win. Regulus might be the athlete, but sex was pretty good exercise, and all those years of practice had done the boy good. His muscles dwarfed his brothers by direct comparison, she realized, as she looked at their legs, side by side.

Finally, Regulus threw his tie on the ground and all he had was his shirt. He looked up at Sirius nervously. What the heck? The boy's cock was in plain view but he wouldn't take his shirt off? Were boys really that weird about their chests? Sirius seemed to have a better idea of things than Decima, however, because he got a dark look in his eyes at his brother's hesitation.

"Go ahead, little brother, we're waiting," he whispered darkly. "Or are you ashamed of something? Afraid of what Decima will think of the latest addition to your body?"

Regulus's eyebrows flew up further than she would have imagined they could, and he reluctantly stripped off the shirt. As the fabric fell of his arm, Decima gasped.

There, on his forearm, was a black, tattooed image of the Dark Mark, the sign of a Death Eater.


	15. Recovery

"What is that?" whispered Decima, staring at the skull with a snake for a tongue.

"You know what it is, love," said Sirius, staring at his brother with a look of distaste that almost frightened her.

"But why…" she looked up at Regulus's face and could have sworn that he was ashamed. "You're not seventeen. You can't have."

"My parents really wanted me to, and Bella worked it out so that I could do it early. He promised me…" Regulus dropped his eyes and turned away from Decima slightly.

The fact that they were having this discussion stark naked would have been hilarious, if it wasn't for the horrific seriousness of the discussion they were having.

"Promised you Decima, didn't he?" whispered Sirius dangerously. "He promised you her as a prize for faithful service."

Regulus's lack of answer was all the answer Decima needed, and it made her stomach churn. It seemed to be all the answer Sirius needed as well, because the next moment he was delivering a heavy blow to Regulus's jaw, knocking him back into the stone wall. Decima surprised herself by not screaming as her ex-boyfriend's body sank to the floor after a horrible crunch, blood seeping visibly to his hair. Sirius looked down on his brother darkly and Decima was suddenly reminded of him hitting her when she looked at his eyes.

"Sirius," she said, terrified, "why did you hit him?"

"Because he joined them," said Sirius, breathing slowly and deep to cool his anger. "Because he bargained for you as if you were a common whore. Because he thought he could take you from me."

"He could never have me again, love," Decima whispered. "That's all in the past."

"And yet it keeps coming back to us," said Sirius in a low growl. "He can't just let me have you."

Decima couldn't stop the grin from spreading across her face.

"Now love," she said in her cheekiest voice, "if I was easy to hold onto, would you still want me?"

His eyes flashed with surprise now, the anger completely melted away.

"Don't think that I take you for granted, love," he said softly when he had recovered from his shock. He walked over to the edge of the tub and claimed her lips in a sweet but fiery kiss. "I know I don't deserve you, and I still can't believe that you're still mine after my stupidity yesterday."

"Which stupidity?" she said, caressing his face lightly.

"All of it," he muttered. "Now let's get dressed and go back to my bed, love, there's absolutely no romance in this room with my brother bleeding on the floor."

If it hadn't been so gross, she probably would have laughed, but instead, she climbed out, allowed Sirius to dry her off and dress her, kissing her bare skin randomly as he went before dressing himself quickly and yanking her by the hand into the hallway and dashing along the corridors back to Gryffindor Tower. They didn't resurface until James came timidly back to the dormitory and told them dinner was in ten minutes. It was then that they realized how truly hungry they were and they dressed and walked down to dinner.

James was, surprisingly, not there. Decima frowned as they sat down with Remus.

"What's up with James?"

Remus gave her a dark look.

"Sirius didn't keep his mouth shut. That's what's wrong. While you two have been doing Merlin knows what all day, the rumor mill has been churning, and it's not been pretty. Everyone in the school knows you slept with James."

"Ugh, I distracted you from the promise I made you make," said Decima, frustrated. "Shit. Poor James."

"He deserves it," grumbled Sirius, but the second she glared at him he said, "I mean, I've forgiven him completely and it's awful what I did to him this morning."

"Damn right it is," said Decima, waving her fork at him.

Sirius winced.

"Darling, I love you," he said, "but considering our past twenty-four hours, I'd really prefer if you not brandish your fork at me, no matter how innocent your intentions."

"At least I'm not brandishing my fists," she muttered and his eyes hardened momentarily, but he nodded sharply and turned to his food, not eating it. Decima felt instantly horrible and set down her fork, giving him a worried look and ignoring Remus's raised eyebrow.

"I'm going to apologize to James," Sirius muttered, getting up and walking off, throwing his own fork down on the table.

"What happened?" said Gwen knowingly.

"Nothing important," said Decima loftily. "We've worked it out."

"That's not what it looked like," muttered Remus, and Gwen nodded.

"Well, that's what it is," snapped Decima. "Stop interrogating me. If you want to know why Sirius is so moody, why the hell don't you ask him?"

"CiCi," said Gwen in a warning tone and Decima winced.

"Regulus is a Death Eater," she whispered. "He has the Mark."

There was an awkward, uncomfortable silence amongst the remaining of the group. It seemed to go on for at least ten minutes before Remus said awkwardly, "Are you certain?"

Decima nodded.

"We saw it. And then Sirius got angry at him when he said… Well, that doesn't matter, but anyway, he hit him, and we left him unconscious."

Gwen choked.

"Excuse me, you did _what_?"

Wincing even harder, Decima muttered, "We left him."

"What did he say?" demanded Remus.

"I said it doesn't matter."

"What did he say, Decima? Tell me so I know whether to go track down Regulus or leave him wherever you left him to bleed out and die."

Gwen's eyes were wide with shock at the vicious growl her boyfriend was speaking in. She must have never seen this side of him.

"He – he said he was promised… me. He said I was promised as a reward for faithful service," Decima spat. "And Sirius lost it and knocked him back into the wall. He's probably still out."

Remus nodded and said, "Okay, I'll leave him."

"WHAT?" cried Gwen. "You're prefects you idiots, he could be dying!"

"One less of that scum in this world doesn't hurt anything," muttered Remus, his voice laced with pure venom.

Gwen was looking at Remus as though scared of him. She looked over at Decima, whose face was equally venomous with the thought of what Regulus had said about her. At least he had had the decency to look ashamed of himself. Gwen shook her head in wonder and muttered, "I don't believe it. It thought I knew you guys, but I guess I was wrong."

She got up and threw down her fork.

"Where is he?"

Decima glared definitely up at her best friend, who just shook her head in disgust.

"Fine, I'll find him myself."

Gwen stormed off and Decima, Peter and Remus sat in uneasy silence, all holding their forks, but no one eating a thing.

"I should probably go and check on Sirius," Decima mumbled finally, and the boys nodded.

"Be careful with him," said Remus. "I don't think he'd hurt you on purpose, but if he's as angry as I think he is, with all this stuff pent up in him…"

Decima gave a short ironic laugh and said, "I'll keep that in mind. I'll find another, more productive way to outlet his frustration."

"Ew," said Peter. "I hope you don't mean reproductive."

"Oh what d'you care, Peter?" she snapped. "We're not doing it on your bed!"

Peter scrunched up his nose in disgust and moaned, "I totally understand what James was saying now. You two are gross."

"Oh, thanks," said Decima sarcastically. "Take a shower, Peter, or I'll start talking about your grossness."

And with that she headed hurriedly up to the Gryffindor Tower. Sirius was sitting dejectedly on the couch, flexing his hand subconsciously, the hand he had used both to hit Decima and Regulus. She wondered if it actually hurt, or if he was just feeling guilty.

"Sirius?" she whispered, sliding into the spot next to him, causing him to jump and give her a shocked look. "Sorry."

"No, no, don't worry about it, CiCi," he muttered, wrapping an arm around her waist and burying his face into her hair. "You just startled me."

"Thinking?"

He nodded into her neck, breathing in deeply, presumably smelling her hair.

"Did you make up with James?"

He nodded again, using his free hand to play with her hair.

"Then what's wrong, love?"

He growled against her skin, clenching the hand that was in her hair, digging his nails into her side with the other, his teeth pressed against her neck.

"Decima what the hell is wrong with me?" he said, with a sigh, relaxing his muscles and pulling back from her neck looking into her eyes sadly. "I'm such a monster. I don't even know how you can look at me, how you can stand being near me, how you can…"

She pressed her finger to his lips gently.

"Enough of that," she whispered, pressing her forehead to his. "Nothing is wrong with you. You're stressed, you're tired, and you're scared because you know that there are things going on out there we have no control over, things we won't be safe from very long, if at all. You're upset that your brother followed the path laid out for him by his parents. You feel hurt and betrayed and that's okay, because you were hurt and betrayed, not just by him." She swallowed hard, thinking about how awful it was of her to use James against him like that. "You're not a monster. Everything you did, other than hitting me, was done out of your love for me, twisted as it turned out when morphed by your stress, frustration, and confusion, but the intentions were good. And as far as hitting me, well, love, I deserved that, after what I did to you. Your behavior toward James was perfectly natural, even if it wasn't exactly fair. I look at you because I love you. I am near you because I can't be without you. And I don't see a monster. I see my savior. You saved my life, Sirius. Don't ever forget that."

He was openly crying now as she moved her finger to his cheek and pressed her lips chastely to his. There was none of their usual fire, passion, or intensity. It was a sweet, comforting kiss that both of them needed. Things weren't good. Things might not get better. In fact, things would probably get worse. But there was no way in the name of Merlin that Decima was letting go of Sirius. He was the best thing that had ever happened to her, as Gwen had said, and he needed her nearly as much as she needed him. They were probably the most screwed up couple in existence, but that didn't make them want and need each other any less.

They curled up on the couch and feel asleep there together, forgetting the world for just a few short hours.

The following few days went by painfully slow. Sirius worked very hard for her, attempting to break down the plethora of rumors that had sprouted from his vindictive actions against James, though not altogether successfully. Decima couldn't fault him for that, though, as he really was trying. James and Sirius seemed to have worked out some sort of truce of forgiveness, although there was still much awkwardness between them, and Regulus was in the hospital wing. After hours of searching for him, Gwen had failed to find him and simply informed Lily Evans that he was missing, and Lily searched ever corner of the castle, finding him in the prefects' bath in the early hours of the morning, still unconscious, but very much alive. When Lily asked Gwen what had happened to him, however, Gwen did what any good friend out to do and lied through her teeth, saying she had no idea. She had done her duty by him, making sure he wasn't dead. After that, her loyalties were with Decima, and Gwen didn't stand for that sort of treatment of her best friend.

All of their friends, even James, seemed to sense that Decima and Sirius needed some extra alone time and space to sort through the rough patch they were going to, and gave it to them without being asked. They spent their days going to most of their classes (they weren't really missed in things like History of Magic, anyway, and Sirius could always talk her out of skipping that while he was willing to skip anything but Transfiguration, not because he needed to go to class, but because even he was a little frightened of Professor McGonagall), spending their breaks in broom cupboards, occasionally making it to a meal or two, and spending all free time tangled in Sirius's sheets.

Time had flown faster than they could have imagined, and the weather warmed quickly, melting all traces of snow and bringing in gentle, but warmer rains. Before anyone realized it, it was time for Easter holidays, and James and Sirius asked Decima if she wanted to stay at the Potter Manor with her. She accepted, of course. So Sirius and Decima packed their things together in his trunk on his insistence so that she wouldn't have to carry anything, and he carried the trunk down to Hogsmeade Station, making sarcastic remarks about how she really hadn't needed that much in the way of clothes, but she just smirked back.

In all honesty, she hadn't packed much in the way of actual clothing. She did, however, pack a wide array of underwear and lingerie, and she seemed to recall him not complaining when she had been packing it. In fact, if she had remembered correctly, he had jumped her the second she had placed the pile of his favorite temptations in the trunk and packing had been delayed.

So Decima merely smirked at him and he smirked back. She could hardly believe that it hadn't been long ago at all that they had been reduced to frustrated, angry, broken people, sleeping around and physically lashing out at each other. It felt like a lifetime ago now, now that everything was all right between them. When they got on the train and occupied the usual Marauder compartment, Decima curled up on Sirius's lap happily, which was a good thing, because that left a seat open when Lily Evans knocked on the compartment door.

"C-can I join you guys?" she said uncertainly. "Mary stayed at Hogwarts and I don't really have any friends on the train or anything."

They all looked over at the empty seat by the door. It was right next to James.

"Sure!" said Decima eagerly. "Come on in!"

Lily sat down and Decima could tell by the look on his face, James was fighting his thinly veiled elation at her being so close to him.

"So, Sirius, have you forgiven James?" said Lily as casually as one could possibly ask such a question. Gwen and Decima exchanged a shocked look, however. She had just called both Sirius and James by their first names, which she never did. She was actually directly addressing a Marauder without taking points off Gryffindor. Surely the universe was going to rip into pieces. This was clearly a sign of the Apocalypse. Decima waited a few moments for the sky to fall, but nothing happened except Sirius responding that he had.

"But why?" said Lily.

"Because it was my fault," said Decima, jumping to James's aid. Well, she had used him for her dirty purposes, it was the least she could do for the poor boy.

"How?" said Lily, with an eyebrow raised. "I was under the impression that sex was an act that assumed mutual consent."

"Well, I didn't exactly rape the poor boy, no," said Decima good-naturedly, ruffling James's already messy hair. "But I did take advantage of him. I was out for revenge on Sirius, and I knew James would be an easy target because he had been trying to be good for so long. He was shocked at first, and then reluctant, but let's face it, he's a male. He can only say no to hormones for so long in that frustrated of a state."

Lily pursed her lips as though wanting to say that was no excuse, but to everyone's surprise, she didn't. Decima was beginning to see a glimmer of hope on the horizon of James's future. He might be able to win over the illustrious Lily Evans. Granted, it would take a lot of hard work, but she owed him all the help she could give, and if Decima had anything to say about it, they'd be dating by Christmas.

The talk was vibrant as they made their way to King's Cross, especially as Decima and Sirius had been keeping to themselves quite a bit for a while and they were in need of being brought back into the loop on things. Lily even seemed to be enjoying the company of the Marauders, but then, who didn't? They were full of infectious energy, and within ten minutes they could have a whole room full of people smiling and laughing, should they wish it.

When the train pulled in at King's Cross, Sirius grabbed their things, and Decima followed him and James onto the platform and into the queue waiting to go through the archway back into the Muggle world. The last time she had been here, she was going to Sirius's house for the first time. She tensed at the thought, and Sirius must have realized what she was thinking because he wrapped his free arm around her as the waited and whispered, "It's okay, CiCi, we're going home" in her ear. Home was, of course, the Potter Manor, the only place either of them was welcome to call home anymore.

As they stepped out into King's Cross station, Sirius led Decima toward the Potters, who waved at them from the fringe of the crowd. Someone passing Decima bumped shoulders with her forcefully and she fell, loosing Sirius's hand. He looked back at her with concern, moving to help her and she looked up at the person who hit her. It was Orion Black. He was wearing the famous Black Smirk and said with no true feeling in his voice, "Sorry."

Sirius glared at his father as he helped Decima to her feet.

"I see the Potters are taking in all the riff-raff these days," drawled a voice nearby. It was Lucius Malfoy, who was there for some unknown reason. Perhaps he was picking up a relative.

"Watch who you're calling names, Lucius," said Sirius with a frown. "You might give people the impression that you're biased. That wouldn't do if you want a fancy job in the Ministry over a cell in Azkaban when it all goes down."

"I think you're a little mistaken as to who's coming out of this war with honor and who will end up in Azkaban, Sirius," said Lucius with a sneer. "It's too bad you've muddied yourself up with this whore. They might have taken you back if you repented."

"You mean too bad you didn't get a taste of her when she tried to come back?" snarled Malfoy, and Narcissa blushed. She must have some idea of what had happened to Decima at the engagement party.

Lucius didn't answer, but the way his eyes hungrily grazed Decima's body confirmed that Sirius was right. Decima clutched Sirius's arm tightly, knowing they wouldn't try anything in the middle of King's Cross, but still very afraid.

"Come on, love," he muttered. "Let's go to the Potters."

"Watch your back, lovely," called Orion Black. "You never know who's around the corner."

Decima sank her nails into Sirius's arm, horrified, but she didn't turn around. She kept walking with Sirius until they had reached the Potters and she was safely on her way to the Potter Manor, out of the grasp of Orion Black.

**A/N: So I'm thinking up ideas for new stories. Here's a snippet from one I'm thinking of. If you like it, let me know and I'll write it! Also, if you have any ideas for it, please, let me know!**

"_**I'll bet you can't conquer every girl years four through six, currently, before we graduate. I'll bet you're not as desirable as you think you are, Sirius."**_

"_**He'll take that bet," said James.**_

"_**Okay, if he does, he can humiliate me any way he sees fit," said Fabian. "If he doesn't, same rule applies, but reverse."**_

"_**Deal," said Sirius, relishing at the thought of humiliating Fabian Prewett.**_

"_**This includes Slytherins."**_

_**The boys all winced.**_

"_**Fine."**_

"_**It also includes… Lily Evans."**_

_**Sirius looked at James with fear in his eyes. The bargain was now not only impossible, it was completely morally wrong.**_


	16. And Worst of All James

The Easter holiday was over faster than anyone could have imagined. Decima, Sirius and James were on their way back to Hogwarts sooner than they would have liked. Mrs. Potter assured them that she would be there to pick them up at the start of the summer and all would be well, that no one could hurt Decima, but she knew that Sirius's father's threats weren't ringing in her ears alone. Sirius never let her out of his site, even though they never left the grounds of the Potter Manor.

On the train ride back, Lily rode with their group once more, this time next to Gwen instead of James, but still, the compartment wasn't so big that she wasn't uncharacteristically near him. She was even being remarkably civil toward him, and James looked so shell-shocked that he didn't know what to do. Gwen and Decima caught each other's eyes and made a silent pact to work on those two lovebirds as soon as possible.

Sirius whispered in Decima's ear as they were climbing into the carriages to go back up to the castle, "You know I think we didn't use all of the things you packed."

"We didn't?" she said with a pensive frown. "I could have sworn I didn't pack too many…"

"Not at all, love," muttered Sirius, moving his hand to cup her breast as they scooted across to make room for their friends. "We simply didn't have enough sex."

Decima snorted happily.

"And what would have been enough sex?"

He wriggled his eyebrows as the others made their way into the carriage.

"We wouldn't have stopped at all," he muttered, nipping at her ear playfully.

The moan that escaped her lips earned her a disapproving look from Lily Evans, but that gave her a plan for getting her and James together. Pushing that thought to the back of her mind, however, she ground back into Sirius's lap and he let out a strangled moan himself, which caused a few of the boys in the carriage to snicker, and Gwen to give a cheer of approval to her best friend.

"Still shagging like bunnies, I see?" said Gwen with a wink.

"Oh, like you two do any differently," said Decima with a satisfied smirk. Gwen smirked back and Remus turned an incriminating shade of pink, which caused more snickering and Decima turned her head to bury it in Sirius's hair and whispered, "I'll deal with you later."

He bit his lip eagerly.

"Of course, love," he purred.

Somehow, the trip up to the castle seemed to take longer than usual. All Decima wanted was to get back into Sirius's bed. It didn't help that he pulled her right back into his groin for the entire bumpy ride, and that his fingers were playing with the hem of her skirt, brushing teasingly across her thighs in the process. She was so aroused, in fact, that as soon as the carriage came to a stop, she literally climbed over the other occupants of the carriage in her haste to be sated, dragging an incredibly willing Sirius along behind her, running up the stairs into the castle with wild abandon, where Sirius overcame her and picked her up, carrying her at a run the rest of the way, not stopping until they fell over each other into his bed, clumsily ripping off their clothes as soon as they had crossed the threshold into the boys' dormitory. He had barely gotten the curtains closed around their naked bodies and didn't bother with silencing charms when the others finally arrived in the room.

Sirius pinned Decima down to the bed, pressing his lips savagely to hers as his hands eagerly kneaded her breasts. Forgetting there were others on the outside of the curtains around them, Decima didn't even fight the moans and whimpers of pleasure that were rising up inside of her at his attentions. Many of them were caught in his hungry kisses, but as their mouths worked against each other, there was enough noise that escaped the caverns of his mouth that there was awkward silence amongst the boys outside of their bed.

As Sirius began to thrust into her, and her cries were uninhibited by either politeness or an obstruction of her mouth no Sirius's part, there was a faint sound of whispering outside the curtains. When her screams finally died down and Sirius's moans of pleasure died with them, there was an incredible awkward silence that descended on the room.

"I need _help_!" came as a cry from the other side of the curtain and Sirius and Decima chuckled as they spooned, knowing James was referring to Lily.

"Of course you do, James," said Gwen. "But I didn't think you wanted us chucking you into St. Mungo's at these relatively early stages."

Decima snickered as Sirius's eyes widened.

"GiGi, don't joke!" cried James. "I'm in absolute distress!"

"We get it James," called Decima. "You're a bloody lovesick mess. Don't worry. We'll take care of it. Just keep on behaving yourself and don't act like too much of a dumb idiot and we'll take care of it all."

"But what do I _do_?" he moaned, and it sounded as though his face was in a pillow.

"Nothing," said Gwen. "Like CiCi said, leave it to us, silly!"

"Are you really going to help James get Evans?" murmured Sirius softly into Decima's ear.

"It's the least I can do," she whispered, "after nearly ending all his chances with her."

"I thought we had agreed that was all my fault and that _I_ need to fix it," muttered Sirius as he began to run his hands along her chest lightly, causing her to shiver.

"Yes, well," Decima murmured, gasping at the contact. "That's not working out particularly well."

"What d'you mean?" said Sirius, frowning, pretending to be hurt. "I think it's going absolutely spiffy, myself. She actually sat with us on the train!"

"I don't think that had anything to do with you, dear," said Decima patronizingly, patting him on the top of the head. The patting turned to petting, which turned to running her fingers passionately through his hair as he began kissing her neck hungrily.

"Oy, will you two unhook for like, ten minutes so I can borrow my dearest CiCi?" said Gwen's voice from the other side of the curtain, although clearly right next to the fabric.

"Go away, GiGi, Sirius is busy," moaned Decima.

"Yes, but Sirius can be busy without you, darling," said Gwen, with an obvious smirk in her voice. "Sirius, release your girlfriend, or I'm coming in after her."

Sirius growled, but he seemed to decide that Gwen would act according to her word, because he gave Decima a quick peck on the lips and let go of her.

"Let her get dressed, maniac, she'll be right out," he snarled at Gwen.

"Are you really mad at her?" whispered Decima as she pulled her clothes back on.

"What part of 'we don't have enough sex did you not get'?" he whispered back, completely serious.

"Oh, I understand love," she whispered earnestly, pulling her shirt back on, and moving his hand to the fabric, silently asking him to do up the buttons. He obliged and she whispered, "but the sooner she and I finish our work, the sooner I get back and the more uninterrupted sex we get to have."

He made a strangled noise in the back of his throat and closed his eyes blissfully as he finished the top button.

"Get it over with, then, and get your ass back in bed."

"Yessir!" she said with a giggle, before slithering out of the curtains and joining Gwen, who looked at her with a knowing smirk and raised eyebrow.

"Comb your hair, darling," she drawled. "You look like sex."

Sirius barked with laughter from behind the curtains and Decima groaned, walking over to the mirror next to Remus's bed, sorting out her hair quickly.

"All right, we'll be off to sort out Miss Evans, I'll be back soon, love."

"You'd better be!" Sirius hollered at her as the girls left the boys' dormitory wearing identical smirks of the hunt, as Decima had come to call them. It was the smirk reserved specifically for matchmaking. They hadn't been pulled out of the box since Christa and Gwen set Decima up with Regulus. The best friends marched all the way up to the sixth year girls' dormitory, knocking, and silently hoping Lily Evans was in, and even better if Lily Evans was alone.

And surprisingly, she was. Lily Evans was sitting alone on her four-poster, the curtains cracked juts enough that Decima and Gwen could see that she was crying. They looked at each other, confused. Were things not well at home? Had she gotten in a fight with one of the girls in her dormitory? Was Severus stalking her again? All of the above? They gave each other a quick nod, silently agreeing to proceed with extreme caution. Decima's life sucked more. She would begin the peace offering.

"Lily?" she whispered softly, moving slowly and steadily toward the bed in question. "What's up?"

Lily looked up at them, shock splattered across her face with the tear stains, and her eyes wide, puffy, and very red. She had an expression that reminded Decima very much of a lost puppy.

"It's nothing, don't mind me," muttered Lily.

"Lily, it's obviously not nothing," said Gwen softly as the girls slowly approached the bed. "I haven't seen anyone look so broken since Decima got raped."

Decima winced and Lily's eyes widened instantly.

"No, no it's nothing like that!" she moaned. "No, it's really not a big deal. Please, don't worry about it."

"Lily," said Decima with a frown, "I spent years telling my friends that there was nothing wrong when I was sad because it wasn't as bad as being raped or beaten, but maybe if I had just said something sooner, it never would have gotten to that point."

Lily picked at a freckle on her knee and pursed her lips together in a desperate sort of way, tears streaming madly down her face. For the longest time, she didn't say anything. Then, she looked up at Decima pathetically and muttered, "If I say it out loud, you'll think I'm crazy."

Decima snorted.

"Lily, darling," she drawled in perfect pureblood fashion, "I'm dating Sirius Black. I honestly doubt there's anything you could say to me that would make me think such things about you. Trust me, I'm a pureblood. I've seen and heard crazier."

With a sad sort of chuckle, Lily sniffed and nodded.

"Well, the thing is, it's not one thing. It's a lot of things. Since we found out I'm a witch my sister… well, she sort of changed. She and I used to be best friends and now we hardly know each other. She's dating this awful man… _Vernon_." Lily screwed up her face as she spat out the hateful name. "From the sound of things, he's likely to propose when she's eighteen. And he knows about me. And he hates me, he thinks I'm this abnormal freak of nature, and she agrees with him!" The girls just nodded at her sadly. That would make anyone upset, but it was clearly not the whole story, because then Lily took a deep breath and went on.

"And Sev and I used to be such good friends and now things are different there too. He keeps trying to apologize, as if I don't know what he does when I'm not there to see. Remus and I found them at one of their meetings the other day, one of the Death Eater wannabe club meetings. Regulus was there, and Sev, and Christa's brother Evan. The things they were saying about blood purity and… and…" Lily shuddered. Decima didn't want to know what they were saying. She didn't want to think about it.

"A-and then Mary and I are fighting, and Merlin only knows how long this will last. I'm not entirely sure what I did to make her so mad at me, but she was being so unreasonable that it got me completely upset and then I said all kinds of horrible things I didn't mean. We're too mad to apologize for anything, and we keep screaming at each other every time we're together, which only makes it worse. But that's not even the worst of it."

Decima and Gwen looked at each other and blinked. Some of that stuff was bad, and it was understandable that all of it together was causing her to break down. What could be the worst of it?

"J-James."

Decima blinked again. Did Lily just use the boy's first name? Yes, yes she had. She had stuttered, but she had still used his given name without being prompted to. Yes, there was certainly something fishy going on here.

"What about him?" pushed Gwen gently.

"He… I… I'm not sure how it happened, exactly… I suppose it's been coming for a long time… but, then he… I just… ugh."

Yes, Decima thought, blinking again. Very fishy.

"Lily, full English sentences are usually the best way to go," Decima said softly.

"The prat had to go and make me like him," moaned Lily in a miserable sort of way, the way one might say something more along the lines of "The prat had to go and steal everything I own and feed it all to the giant squid." Not that James would ever do such a thing. Not on purpose, at least.

There was more blinking and silence and Lily fell back onto her pillows, wailing and sobbing as though in some sort of horrible, grieving pain. There was nothing for it.

"That's bad?"

"Horrible!" groaned Lily. "Absolutely the worst. I've spent the whole time I've known him begging him to leave me alone, telling him to sod off, reminding him how annoying and detestable he is! And then he went and slept with you without ever stopping pledging his undying love for me! What kind of stalker is he that he can't even refrain from pursuing others?"

Decima frowned.

"Lily, I pursued him. He was a not-exactly-willing participant. We've gone over this. Sirius overreacted exactly as I wanted him to. And James felt horrible. Do you know why he felt horrible?"

"Because he slept with his best friend's girl!"

"You would think that, wouldn't you," said Decima with a fond smirk. Ah, those boys. "Actually, it was because he felt he had betrayed you. Sirius was a bit of an afterthought. But don't tell Sirius that."

Gwen had just erupted in a fit of giggles and fell of the bed, rolling on the floor, trying in vain to suppress them. Thankfully, the big girls on the bed had more pressing things to consider, so Lily hardly noticed.

"But even if I did agree to go out with him," said Lily, "and I'm not saying I _would_… Decima, I've never… He would expect… I'm not _you_!"

Decima raised an eyebrow.

"What does that _mean_, exactly?"

"Just that I've never…" Lily blushed. "I didn't mean you're…"

"I know," said Decima. "Look, Lily, I may not have had a lot of good examples of it growing up, but my ordeal with the Black family has taught me a thing or two about love, and unconditional love, and let me tell you, if that boy so much as thought of shagging another girl, which I truly doubt he would, I'd hex him thoroughly on your behalf and remind him what his hands are for."

Lily blinked, horrified.

"Th-thanks… I think."

"What she means to say," said Gwen, who had recovered herself and was now sitting up on the floor, "is that James absolutely loves you, biased though he may be, and it's worth giving it a go since you've suddenly found yourself attracted to him. You could always go back to saying no if it doesn't work out."

"But–"

"No," said Decima, holding up a hand to stop Lily. "You are not questioning, second guessing, or in any other way talking yourself out of this. Now you are going to sit here and think happy, hopeful thoughts about life and love and mankind and all that warm fuzzy stuff and we are going to inform James that you two have a date next weekend at Hogsmeade. No Marauders. Just the two of you. Wear something nice, but not fancy. We'll be planning your locations carefully so he doesn't do something stupid just out of pure guy nature, and if you don't end up wanting to stab yourself after one date, the rest is up to you two, do I make myself perfectly clear?"

Shocked, Lily nodded.

"Good," said Gwen. "And for the future, Lily, if you need a friend or just someone to talk to, you've always got us, even if it takes you longer than you'd hoped to patch up things with Mary."

They left the pretty redhead on her bed, shocked, with swollen, red eyes and returned to the Marauder's dormitory, where James was lying on his own bed, practically catatonic, staring at the ceiling as though trying to find some answers to his Lily dilemma on it.

"It's a date," said Decima swiftly as they entered and all jaws in the room dropped, stunned. "Next weekend, James, you'll be accompanying one Miss Lily Evans to Hogsmeade. Gwen and I will give you a list of acceptable date locations, I'll be picking out your outfit. She's allergic to slimy Slytherins and currently to a Miss Mary MacDonald, so avoid them at all possibility. No fights. No taunts. Focus your attention on her. If you behave like a big boy and things work out, you'll not only have to thanks profusely, by us expensive presents, name your daughters after us, et cetera, but you'll also be on your own in the dating department."

"So behave, because we're not doing this again," said Gwen with a frown.

"Now if you'll all excuse me," said Decima, crawling onto Sirius's bed and kicking off her shoes, "I believe I was in the middle of something before I was so rudely interrupted with the quest you pushed upon me."

Sirius smirked and closed the curtains as she pushed him back down onto the bed, ignoring the sounds of gagging and groaning from the room around them. All that mattered was Sirius, and she thanked Merlin she had him with every kiss he placed on her bare, hungry skin.


	17. Trauma, Version Two

The following morning, Decima and Gwen spent their time together getting ready for class and discussing the details of James's upcoming date with Lily. Gwen took copious notes. She quickly drafted a copy of the schedule and important information which they were going to go over with James at breakfast.

"Darling?" came a voice from the doorway. Both girls turned as they were curling their hair over their wands. It was Sirius.

"Yes, love?"

"Can we talk alone for a moment?"

Gwen nodded and grabbed her bag, releasing her final strand of hair from her wand.

"I'll see you both at breakfast."

As soon as Gwen had ducked out of the room, Decima took one look at the solemn, worried expression on her boyfriend's face and her own face fell.

"Sirius, love, what's wrong?" she whispered, rushing over to him and touching a hand to his face.

"You don't have to do this, CiCi," he muttered.

"Do… I'm sorry, do what, exactly?" she frowned.

Sirius sighed heavily and said, "Force Evans to go out with James. I don't know, maybe this is some sort of guilt you feel over what you used him for, or maybe you're still mad at me for making it worse and then not properly cleaning up the mess, but I'll do a better job. Just… don't get his hopes up like this. He'll be devastated if he ever finds out it was coerced for your own guilty feelings to be assuaged. James is fragile."

Decima blinked, not sure he had just said what she had just heard. Then, when she realized that that was exactly what he had said, she snorted with laughter and kissed Sirius on the cheek before heading back to the mirror to continue curling her hair as they talked.

"For your information, love, Lily basically asked us to set it up. She was freaking out over realizing she didn't hate him as much as she had thought. It has nothing to do with guilt. It has to do with helping two people who are so obviously crazy about each other achieve bliss." She gave him a sly grin and added, "Just think, if someone had interceded on your behalf, we might have been together much sooner."

She thought that would have cheered him up in a way, but instead, his face darkened and he sat on his bed, sighing heavily and roughly massaging his brow with his thumbs. Decima just watched him, wondering and worried, until he said, "If I just could have gotten you before Christmas… If there was some way I could have made you fall for me sooner, maybe you wouldn't be… maybe he wouldn't have… I'm such a failure, Decima. I don't deserve you."

She blinked again. That monologue had gotten very bizarrely escalated very quickly, and had been nearly impossible to logically follow to boot.

"Sirius, stop beating yourself up about it, and get your ass over here, I want you to curl the back."

Sirius took her wand obediently and curled a strand in the back around it, leaning forward to kiss the spot it had bared on her neck. She put on some lip gloss as he worked.

"I don't know why you go through all this trouble every morning," he murmured. "You don't need it. You're beautiful."

"I just want to look my best, Sirius," Decima said matter-of-factly as she curled her eyelashes.

"You know when you look your best?" he whispered in her ear as he let the strand fall and started curling the next one. "When you're writhing beneath me, covered in our mixed sweat and my saliva, moaning out my name in that breathy way you moan when we're on the third round and you're gearing up for the fourth. That's when you look your best. But I never want anyone else to ever see you like that. You know why?"

Decima smiled to herself as she gingerly placed makeup over the last discolorations of the bruise he had given her when he hit her.

"Why?"

"Because you're mine," he growled. "Because there's not a man on this earth who deserves to see that look on your face when I'm fucking you. Even I don't deserve it, but I earn it every time, don't I, baby?"

"Mmm," she moaned as he let the curl fall and nipped the back of her neck playfully.

"What d'you say we skip the world today, darling?" he hissed in her ear. She could feel his erection as he pressed himself against her. "Why don't we just stay up here all day?"

"As soon as breakfast is over," she moaned, "and I've made it through Transfiguration alive, I swear I'll meet you up here and we can do whatever you want for the rest of the day, but we need to make an appearance, at the least, and if I miss any more Transfiguration, McGonagall's going to fail me, forget how much I've improved."

"But that's all so far away," Sirius whined. "I could take you really quick? Just to hold me over until after your class? I promise, it'll be worth your while…"

"Sirius," said Decima with an annoyed sigh, "I just did my hair and now you want me to have sex and mess it all up? I don't think so, you're just going to have to deal."

"Fine," he muttered, picking up both of their bags. "To breakfast we go, then, darling."

Taking her hand and swinging their clasped hands between them as he walked her down to the Great Hall, Sirius was practically skipping. Perhaps it was because he was no longer worried about her actions toward James and Lily being born from her guilt. Perhaps it was because of the promise of getting laid in the near future, as if he needed a promise to know that was coming. Perhaps it was because he was hungry, which she was sure he was, as Sirius thoroughly enjoyed breakfast, always.

Through breakfast, Decima and Gwen explained to James everything he was required to do on his date, as well as the non-required suggestions. Gwen made sure to make a small cheat-sheet for him to study, memorize, and in the case of emergencies, reference. They also gave him a free pass to refresh at any time Lily wasn't around between that moment at the date, and her being around included her being in the room or hallway in which they were located, even if she was out of earshot. Lily was a witch, after all.

As she swore to herself, Decima went to Transfiguration with Gwen, but she couldn't concentrate. She nearly set her table on fire. If Gwen hadn't put it out before Professor McGonagall had noticed, Slytherin would be down quite a few points from where it had previously been. She just couldn't keep her mind on anything but Sirius for longer than about fifteen seconds.

By some miracle, Decima made it out of Transfiguration without loss of life, limb, house points, or free time (in the form of detention), and as soon as the bell rang, she rushed back up to Gryffindor Tower, ignoring people who said her name, barely apologizing to people she ran over, and not stopping to look back as a person she bumped into fell to the ground, sending Professor Flitwick flying off across the hall. As soon as she got to Gryffindor Tower, she darted across the common room, up the stairs, and straight to the dormitory. When she opened the door, Sirius was laying on the bed, stretched out as though she had just been off to grab something from the common room and had come right back.

He was completely naked, and he tossed the Marauder's Map aside with a smirk as he noted her hungry expression, drinking him in.

"Miss me?" he drawled, but she didn't bother answering the question. Instead, she tossed her bag to the side, closed the door and crossed the room in a record low number of steps. Crawling onto the bed, she didn't bother getting comfortable before pressing her lips eagerly to his. He moaned into her mouth, which made the heat in her core absolutely sizzle. She needed him.

Even though she needed him badly, and she could feel that his own need was just as much, he wasn't letting her be forceful. He was moving slowly, gently, and although she could tell he needed her just as badly, he wasn't pulling off clothes or attacking her with eagerness. This was an odd and new sensation, and she _loved_ it.

They spent the rest of the day making slow, languid love, in his bed, in the shower… even once on Remus's bed, because they had just gotten out of the shower and were two preoccupied to be sure they had gotten the right one. When they finally collapsed in each other's arms, Decima snuggled into Sirius's chest and said, "That was absolutely amazing."

"Better than usual?" he said with a soft chuckle.

"Surprisingly, yes," she chuckled. "But I am a little hungry."

"That's because it's dinnertime," said Remus, strolling into the room with a frown. "You know, if you're not going to wear clothes or use blankets the least you could have done was close your curtains."

"Ah, sorry, Moony," said Sirius, pulling a blanket over Decima's body, but not bothering to cover his own. "We've been moving around a bit and didn't think about it."

Remus winced, maybe suspecting what the damp spots on his own bed were from, but not saying a word.

"Well, if you want dinner, I'd suggest getting clothes on and coming down to dinner. You've got maybe an hour before it's over."

"Good to know," muttered Sirius, and they heard the door close behind Remus. They were alone again.

"As tempting as it would be," muttered Decima, "to melt into your arms to start all over again where we were, my stomach does need food."

"Are you sure about that?" said Sirius with a fake frown. "I was under the impression that you had enough stamina that you didn't require food until tomorrow."

"You keep this up," said Decima with a giggle, "and I'll have no stamina to speak of, you pest."

"Ooh, a pest, am I?" cried Sirius mockingly. "You wound me, darling. And here I thought you loved me!"

"I do," she whispered sincerely, before joking once more, "but I never said you weren't the most lovable pest I've ever met!"

"Ugh, you kill me, darling," groaned Sirius, nipping playfully at her jaw. "What have you two got planned for James and his darling Lilyflower?"

"Only good things, love," said Decima, tapping Sirius's nose lightly. "And that is all you need concern yourself about it."

"More importantly," said Sirius, "what are we doing?"

"We," she said proudly, "have absolutely no obligations but to meet up with the gang for lunch at the Three Broomsticks. Other than that, you can do whatever you'd like with me, Sirius."

"Anything?" he breathed, and she nodded. "Well, I like the sound of that."

Somehow, she did manage to make it to dinner in enough time to scarf down some food before returning to the common room and doing a bit of neglected homework. Sirius tried to coax her upstairs a few times, with absolutely no success, and she managed to get quite a bit of work done, especially since Lily Evans was helping her. That girl was amazing.

"Finally studying for O.W.L.s?" said Remus conversationally, dropping into the free chair at their table. Decima gasped. "I'll take that as a no."

"Oh Merlin, O.W.L.s!" she moaned. "I completely forgot about them!"

"Sirius has that effect on people," said Remus with a knowing smirk. "It's a wonder you remember your own name with how often you shag."

Lily's face scrunched up in disgust, but Decima smirked back and said, "Sometimes I forget, but then he screams it and I remember again."

She winked and Remus laughed, but Lily just slammed her book shut with disgust.

"If you two are quite finished," she sniffed. "We have actual work to do, Remus, so if you're just going to be a distraction, you can leave."

Remus's eyebrows shot up and he shook his head.

"No, I'll help. GiGi's off doing Astronomy homework so I've got nothing better to do."

Decima snorted, but covered the sound deftly with her hand. Lily didn't appear to notice the double meaning of what he had just said, and so much the better, or she likely would have made Remus leave.

"I could use some help with my Transfiguration, Remus, if you don't mind," she said honestly. "Sirius has kind of neglected to tutor me since we got together. Something about not mixing business and pleasure, which is a good thing, I guess, because we'd never get my homework done if he was still tutoring me."

"Sure, let me see what you've got."

She handed him the essay on Switching Spells she had been working on for three hours and only seconds into reading it, he winced.

"Um, this is going to take some time to work over. Why don't you go see Sirius while I fix this?"

She frowned.

"How much time are we talking?"

"I just told you to see Sirius, didn't I?"

Decima forced a laugh, but she was worried. If her Transfiguration skills had deteriorated so much in just a short time without tutoring, how was she ever going to pass her O.W.L.? Maybe Remus was right, maybe she was spending too much time sleeping with Sirius.

When she got upstairs, however, all thoughts of cutting him off were driven from her mind. Sirius was asleep, but he was writhing horribly in his bed, gasping, moaning, and crying out. As she moved closer, she heard him mumble, "No, mother, please! It wasn't me, I swear, just please stop hurting me!"

"S-Sirius?" she whispered, moving toward the bed. He looked so helpless, so pathetic, and all she wanted to do was hold him and kiss his fears away, but he was thrashing violently and she couldn't get close enough.

The dormitory door opened again, and Peter came in, looking down at Sirius with horror on his face.

"What's wrong with him?" he whispered.

"He's having a nightmare," hissed Decima. "Get James and Remus, quick!"

Moments later, Remus and James were storming up the stairs and into the dormitory, Peter trailing behind, gasping and gripping his side.

"Merlin," muttered James, seeing Sirius trashing and groaning. "It's bad."

"I don't know how to wake him up," moaned Decima.

"_Aguamenti_," muttered Remus, shooting a jet of water at his best friend.

Sirius sputtered in his dream, gasping and shuddering, but he didn't wake up. He thrashed even harder, crying out, "No! Please, it was Bella! I didn't do it, mother, please stop hurting me!"

Remus and Peter blinked and James and Decima exchanged dark looks. Instinctively, she ran to him, and promptly got punched in the face by his flailing arm. She fell backward, and Remus caught her as her nose began to bleed. James shot a few non-verbal spells at him, to no avail, and then Peter put him in a Full-Body Bind so that they could get close enough to wake him without getting hit. When they released him and he sat up, seeing Decima's bleeding nose, his eyes filled with horror.

"Oh, Merlin, Decima, I'm so sorry!" he moaned. "What happened?"

"You were having a nightmare," said Remus with a sigh, "and she tried to wake you and you smacked her across the face in your sleep."

Sirius winced.

"Maybe you're right, Moony, maybe I _am_ a hazard to her health."

"Don't you dare say that," growled James. "She'd probably kill you for saying such a thing if she wasn't bleeding profusely out of her _nose_!"

"Don't worry, I'll fix it," said Remus casually, and he tapped his wand to her bleeding nose, healing it, then waving his wand and cleaning her face off. "Better?"

"Yeah," muttered Decima, and she pulled herself out of Remus's grasp, crawling onto Sirius's lap and wrapping her arms around him, nuzzling her face into his chest. He tensed uncertainly for a moment before wrapping his arms around her and petting her.

"Privacy?" she heard him whisper to the boys. The other Marauders exited quietly as Sirius gently petted her hair.

"CiCi," he whispered, "what happened?"

"You were crying out," she whispered, "in pain, I think. Something in your dream. And you were muttering, begging your mum to stop hurting you. I couldn't see you like that. It hurt so badly to see you panicking like that and not being able to do a thing."

Sirius sighed and nodded, putting his hand to her chin and tilting her head to look up at him.

"I'm sorry about your nose," he muttered.

"I'm sorry about your nightmare," she muttered back.

"That wasn't your fault."

"And my nose wasn't yours," she countered. "You didn't do it on purpose, darling. Don't you dare blame yourself for it. This was truly a complete and total accident. That could have been anyone hitting me, James or Remus or Gwen or Peter. It doesn't mean anything that it was you, so don't you dream of blaming yourself."

Sirius sighed.

"Yes dear," he said. "Oh, a friend of James's wants to join us for a little while at Hogsmeade next week, not when it's James and Lily alone time," he added hastily, "but when you and me and Remus and GiGi are hanging out in the morning. She's your year and it'll be nice for you two to have a friend in Gryffindor to put you up when we graduate, so we thought you'd like to meet her. She's really a great girl."

Decima's eyes narrowed.

"And you know her how?"

"I've not slept with her, CiCi," said Sirius seriously. "Honestly, I swear it. Tien's not my type. Actually, she is, but she wouldn't have let me come near her with a ten foot broomstick."

Decima's lips twitched at the double entendre.

"Anyway, I met her through James, she's the Gryffindor Keeper. I believe you've failed to score on her many times."

"Hey, I scored a few!" said Decima indignantly and Sirius chuckled.

"Yes dear," he said softly. "Anyway, her name's Tien Vo, and I think you guys are really going to like her. She's Muggleborn, so you don't have to worry about all the politics. And Remus gives her thumbs-up approval, which means she's got to be good."

"I'll meet her," said Decima with a laugh, kissing Sirius on the cheek. "I think I'd like to meet any girl who isn't trying to get in bed with my boyfriend."

"Then I think you'll really like Tien," he said cheekily. "She thinks I'm ugly."


	18. The Date

Decima was very nervous about Hogsmeade. She was worried James would screw it all up. She was worried James would do everything perfectly but that Lily would still be too afraid to be honest with herself. She was afraid that she would hate Tien Vo. She was afraid that she would absolutely love Tien Vo and that Tien Vo would hate her. She was afraid something would happen between her and Sirius again, as somethings seemed to do with them, and that the weekend would just be a complete and utter disaster.

Breakfast was quite the affair, as James was too nervous to eat, Decima was too anxious to eat, Remus ate every piece of meat in sight (the full moon was nearing), and Sirius and Gwen just rolled their eyes at their companions. When they had eaten, or not, they all got up and headed for the entrance hall. Lily Evans was waiting for James, Peter went off to a detention he had earned with Professor Sprout for stealing Tentacula leaves (for a prank they were planning on Snape), and Decima held tight to Sirius's arm.

"Nervous, love?" he cooed.

"Maybe a little," she admitted. "But it'll be okay."

"And why's that?"

"Because I'm with you, Sirius," she said. "Everything's going to be okay."

"Aww," he said, taking her hand and leading the way for everyone down to the gates, toward Hogsmeade village.

The air was crisp and cool, but not as cold as it had been on the trip they had made before Christmas. She gripped his hand tightly, allowing him to lead her off down the path after some of the younger students, who were incredibly eager for Hogsmeade, as young students often were.

"We're meeting Tien in Honeydukes," said Sirius. "She likes candy almost as much as you two."

She knew he was trying to soothe her, trying to take away some of her anxiety by finding common ground for her to bring up with this new girl. It was working. Her nails were no longer digging into his hand, which he surely appreciated.

Remus, Sirius, Decima and Gwen made their way to Honeydukes, and James and Lily went off to Scrivenshaft's. It was Lily's second-favorite store at Hogsmeade, and Gwen and Decima hadn't wanted their Honeydukes time to overlap, knowing that James would latch on to the Marauders for comfort first thing on the date. They cut the cord quickly, scheduling him elsewhere. Honeydukes would be their stop after lunch.

Once inside Honeydukes, Sirius and Remus let the girls run wild, gathering all of their favorite treats, and told them they'd be over by the special flavors section when they were finished. When the girls had their arms loaded with sweets which were begging to be bought, they headed over to the special flavors section, where Sirius and Remus were standing with a beautiful Vietnamese girl, examining the blood-flavored lollypops.

"Hi!" said the Vietnamese beauty. "You must be Decima," she said to Decima, extending her hand with a smile. "The girl crazy enough to date Sirius. And you must be Gwen," she said, extending her hand then to Gwen, "the girl crazy enough to date Remus. And I'm Tien, the girl crazy enough to _not_ want a Marauder in my bed."

The boys laughed.

"It's nice to meet you, Tien," said Decima as sincerely as she could muster. For everything the Asian beauty had said, she and Sirius were standing awfully close.

As if realizing her trepidation, Sirius moved to stand behind Decima, wrapping his arms around her waist lovingly.

"Um, who's buying blood-flavored lollypops?" said Gwen nervously.

"Me," said Tien with a smirk, "but they're not for me. I'm not a vampire or anything, I just want to see if I can trick this stupid little first year to eat one."

Decima blinked. That sounded exactly like something Sirius and James would do. No wonder they liked this girl. Sirius paid for all the sweets and they headed down to Zonko's Joke Shop to see what was new in the world of items of mayhem.

Decima soon understood why the Marauders had wanted them to meet Tien. She fit into the dynamic between Gwen and Decima perfectly, almost simultaneously replacing Christa and Philomela, and Decima thought to herself that what she couldn't replace, Lily made up for in spades, like Philomela's neurotic behavior. By the time they went to meet up with Lily and James for lunch, they were already chattering away like old friends.

"Hey, Lily!" said Tien, sliding into the seat next to the redhead, who jumped slightly at the sound of her name. She and James had been gazing into each other's eyes, and hadn't seemed to have noticed that the others had arrived.

"Hi, Tien," said Lily breathily, not taking her eyes from James. "How was Honeydukes and stuff?"

"Really nice," said Tien, an eyebrow raised at the sappy couple. "You know, I don't mind being fifth wheel all day, but seventh wheel is a bit ridiculous and you two are already disgusting me and I haven't even been sitting here two who minutes!"

Lily blushed and broke her eye contact with James, looking down at her hands, but James looked incredibly pleased with himself and draped his arm over her shoulders. His ego visibly swelled when she leaned in to his touch. Sirius and Remus were mildly surprised, but Gwen and Decima exchanged proud looks. They had succeeded. Now Lily needed to hurry up and make daughters so they could have namesakes.

"So I'll take it the date is going well?" said Sirius with a smirk.

Idiot.

James grinned proudly and Lily blushed furiously, hiding her face in her butterbeer tankard. Decima wanted to smack Sirius for his stupidity. Clearly the date had been going well, but there was no need to say it aloud or otherwise acknowledge it! That was like saying, "Hey, Lily, eat crow!"

It just wasn't very tactful.

Somehow, they managed to get over it, though, and Remus was successful in turning the topic of conversation to something else. That something else happened to be summer, which is nearly everyone's favorite topic.

"I'm going to spend the summer visiting family in Vietnam, mostly," said Tien, swirling her gillywater. "But the end of August I'm going to the Marauder summer bash, naturally."

Decima raised an eyebrow.

"Summer bash?"

"Ah, I hadn't mentioned that?" said Sirius sheepishly. "Well, you and Gwen were never invited before because you were, well, Slytherins. You'll be invited now, obviously, and it'll be a bit tough for you not to be there, CiCi, seeing as you live in the house it'll be held in this year."

"Oh, how kind of you to invite me, then, Sirius, darling," she said, with just a hint of bite in her voice, making everyone else at the table laugh appreciatively.

"You're lucky I love you, you silly girl," he said with a laugh, but Decima's expression hardened.

"Really, Sirius?" she said softly. "I'm the lucky one here?"

He winced.

The light mood in the group froze over instantly as Decima and Sirius met each other's eyes. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to fight with Sirius, she didn't want to ruin Lily's first date with James, and she knew she was so incredibly lucky to have Sirius in her life, but something in her snapped when she heard him call her a silly girl, something he hadn't done since their first night together, and she just realized how much had changed between them. They were no longer desperate teenagers, looking for company on his best friend's couch after they had both lost everything together. They were scarred teenagers, who had picked each other's scabs open ruthlessly and expertly so many times that it didn't even hurt in the same way anymore… it hurt deeper. She could picture clearly his fist meeting her face in the air, his body melding with some other girl's, that twisted smirk on his face when he was putting James through hell for her mistake… there was a Black in him, despite his wonderful Gryffindor qualities. He was still a Black, and sometimes she had to step back and remember that.

But she didn't want to do this, not here, not now. She stood up, asked softly to be excused, and rushed out to the street, praying Sirius wouldn't follow her. She had already made enough of a scene, and she didn't want him to see her furious, anxious tears.

Her worries about Sirius seeing her cry quickly evaporated as she saw someone approaching who made her wish instantly that Sirius was at her side to protect her. Lucius Malfoy was walking toward the Three Broomsticks, and when he saw her, he smirked almost triumphantly.

"Well, well, what have we here?" he drawled, stopping just in front of her so that he towered over her. "Little Decima Zimmerman, all alone with no one to tell off everyone who looks at her. Tell, me, darling, where's your little blood traitor?"

"He's c-coming," she stuttered, but Lucius saw right through her lie, running his thumb along her cheek, catching one of her tears on it and licking the tear off his finger.

"Lies," he hissed.

"What are you doing here?" she said, attempting to sound more confident. It was easier when she wasn't lying.

"That's none of your concern, pet, and you'll find I'm well within my rights to be here. It is, after all, a very public street."

"Yes, well," she hissed back, "considering what happened the last time a Death Eater was on this very public street on a Hogsmeade weekend, you'll forgive me for not believing your intentions innocuous."

He smirked. He probably thought she was referring to the attack on Hogsmeade, in which Sirius had fought with Bellatrix. In a way she was, but her thoughts lingered more on the aftermath of the attack, on the personal pain and confusion she was still going through as a result of that catalyst. She would rather not have another issue, what with things going so well between everyone at the moment. Just then, she saw Snape, Regulus, Austin, and Christa's brother Evan coming out into the street and walking up to Lucius. Great. His whole Death Eater gang was approaching.

"Decima?" said Regulus incredulously, and perhaps with a tinge of embarrassment on his cheeks.

"Regulus," she said coldly. "Had a little Death Eater gathering, did we?"

He flinched slightly, but Lucius just laughed softly, backing her closer to the side of the building.

"You are a clever little girl, aren't you, Zimmerman?" he hissed. "It's too bad cleverness won't save you if you're on the wrong side of things. Too bad you've given up all your chances. Or have you?"

"What are you talking about, Lucius," she said softly, truly curious.

"It might interest you to know, pet, that I know of a way or two you would be allowed to reenter society," he said with a sneer, clearly thinking he had her. "It won't be easy or without conditions, of course, but you understand how these things must work."

"Yeah, I do," she said, more softly still, thinking in horror of Orion Black's face as she entered that room, submitting herself to being raped by the father of the very boy who saved her. She would regret that attempt to reenter society for the rest of her life.

"What do you say we go and discuss these plans alone?" he whispered in her ear, and she wanted to throw him off of her, but she knew she wasn't strong enough. Regulus was looking on with a stony face, and Austin and Evan looked mildly amused, to say the least.

"Does your wife know you're trying to screw a sixteen-year-old, Malfoy?" said a voice from the doorway of the Three Broomsticks.

Malfoy whirled around, his eyes filling with rage as they fell on Sirius Black and James Potter, glaring at him, wands raised.

"Excuse me Black," he snarled, "but I'm having a private conversation that doesn't concern you."

"Yeah, I'd say it does, Malfoy," said Sirius loudly, moving toward the smug blond, "considering as that's my girlfriend you've got pressed against a wall."

"She's enjoying herself, aren't you pet," said Malfoy, stroking her hair, and Sirius's wand was on Lucius's neck in seconds. "Calm down, Black, I was just informing dear Decima of her options, and she was curious, weren't you pet?"

"Not entirely, Lucius, dear," she drawled in her best pureblood voice, which made Sirius do a double-take, and Remus to flinch. She only donned that voice on specific occasions. "You see, I'd rather not be mercilessly raped again, and I suspect there aren't any options that don't include that. In which case, I'd rather not return. Sorry to disappoint you, Lucius."

The irony dripping off her words was more than apparent to Lucius, who snarled, pushing her harder against the wall.

"Hey, guys, wha – oh, it's you, rat filth."

Decima blinked. Tien Vo was standing behind James, her wand now out, sneering at Lucius with a sneer that would have rivaled that of even Orion Black.

"Miss Vo," snarled Lucius, his eyes flashing.

"So tell me, Lucius, when will you learn to stop harassing Gryffindor women?"

"Decima's a Slytherin, Vo," he said with a smirk.

"Maybe by Sorting," said Tien, "but she's with the Marauder's which makes her a Gryffindor in my book."

Decima's jaw dropped. Her first instinct was that that was probably the sweetest thing anyone had ever said about her, although she had only known Tien for several hours. This girl was fast gaining respect, Sirius had been right about her. Her secondary instinct, and one that was almost immediately squashed was that she had just been insulted, that she was a Slytherin through and through, thank you very much.

But did she want to be a Slytherin anymore? What did that even mean? Was that who she was?

The Slytherins she knew other than herself and Decima were less concerned with and more obsessed with blood purity and status. She knew it well, as she had not very long ago been swept up in that world herself. Lucius Malfoy, in fact, was the quintessential Slytherin, and she certainly didn't think herself anything like him, nor did she aspire to fit into his world any longer. Tien was right, whether she wanted to or not, Decima wasn't a Slytherin anymore… she was a… Gryffindor?

"Anyway, Malfoy," said James, "I think you ought to leave her alone. She obviously doesn't want to be with you."

"And why should I care what she wants?" snarled Lucius. "She doesn't have any control over me!"

"Lucius, please," said Regulus softly. "It's not worth it."

Lucius sneered.

"And who are you to tell me what I ought to do, Black? You're not top dog among us, remember? There are more important things now than what family gave birth to you."

Sirius's eyes flashed.

"If your family doesn't matter, Lucius, then perhaps you'll have to explain to me why Lily Evans wouldn't be welcome in your little club," he spat. Lucius flinched.

"Yeah, Lucius, you're lying through your teeth, and you know it. A bunch of ruddy purebloods like you, can't help but revert to the old power structure whenever you get together. In which case, you might notice, Regulus outranks you, and he said to leave the girl alone."

"You know nothing, Black," snarled Snape. "But in any event, Lucius, it might be best if we left now. You're starting to draw the attention of the general public, and after the last Hogsmeade weekend, it's probably best not to do so."

Lucius looked around and saw that there were people actually stopping in their shopping to shamelessly stare at them, and he growled, but he backed off of Decima.

"This isn't over, little one," he snarled. "You need to watch your step, because I will have you."

"Over my dead body," spat Sirius.

"If that's what it takes, Black," said Lucius, a humorless smile on his cold lips. "And since you've so obviously asked for it…"

"Let's go inside, guys," said Tien loudly, "before the Death Eaters decide to give us all another show."

Lucius's eyes flashed, and he looked down at Tien with pure hatred in his face and said, "Be careful, little lion. We haven't forgotten."

"Well, that's good," she said, rather bravely, Decima thought, "because I aim to be unforgettable. Good to know it's working."

For a moment, Decima thought Lucius was going to attack her, but they must have known something she didn't, because some sort of fear flashed in his eyes and Lucius backed away, allowing Decima to go back into the Three Broomsticks with the Gryffindors. When Tien blew a kiss at Lucius, the pace of his retreat quickened and she gave a low, humorless laugh.

"Why did you do that, CiCi?" whispered Sirius. "Why do you always have to do that? And don't you dare say it's because we're broken, because that's becoming your signature excuse and we can't just use it forever because it's convenient. Sooner or later, you and I are going to have to own up to our mistakes."

"I don't say it because it's convenient," she countered. "I say it because it's true."

Sirius just shook his head.

"Come on, guys, we need to rejoin the others," said James.

When they had all returned to their seats, the rest of the group gave them curious glances, but no explanations were given. It was a shame, really, because Decima was secretly dying to know what Tien had on Lucius Malfoy. Perhaps Sirius would know. She would have to remember to ask him later. She didn't think that she and Tien were yet on such good terms that she could ask those sorts of things of her.

Decima's eyes wandered to the back wall, where Mary MacDonald was sitting with Christa Rosier, and Decima frowned. Something was wrong with this picture. She nudged Sirius, pointed, and watched his face carefully as his features rearranged into a matching frown.


	19. Secrets Meet Tien Vo

Sirius and Decima spent the rest of the afternoon alone, going through Scrivenshaft's, looking for the very specific supplies Decima required for her homework, which was quite abundant, even with her O.W.L.s approaching. All the while, they discussed the rather strange behavior of Mary MacDonald.

"I don't know," said Sirius slowly, examining a set of eagle-feather quills. "I mean, there's what happened last year, but I don't think this is quite the same…"

"What exactly did happen last year?" said Decima running her finger along the shelf that held the various bottles of ink, trying to find the one she used for essays. "I mean, I know that Mulciber got in a lot of trouble, but… I never heard what about."

"Imperius Curse," spat Sirius. "Ah, found your quills, love."

She turned and looked at the box, giving it an approving nod before turning back to the ink, as Sirius began leafing through rolls of parchment.

"What was he trying to make her do?"

"No one knows for sure, but there was a lot of talk that he was trying to get her to attack another student."

"Who?"

Sirius frowned.

"James."

Decima whirled around, her search for ink momentarily forgotten.

"James? But why? I mean, Mary would be a good choice, I suppose, if you're trying to get at James. Lily might have been better… but then, Lily paying James too much voluntary attention at the time would have been incredibly suspicious. But… why?"

Sirius shrugged, selecting three rolls of parchment and turning to help her with the ink.

"No one really knows. As you probably noticed, the details of the incident were fairly well hushed up by the staff and she obviously doesn't remember a thing. Mulciber got a slap on the wrist, probably in exchange for not discussing the incident further."

"That's disgusting," spat Decima, selecting a jar of ink, sniffing it carefully, and giving it an approving nod, moving to the register to pay for her supplies.

"Yeah, it really is," said Sirius.

"Well, darling we've taken care of everything on my list. What do you want to do?"

He smirked.

"I have this place I want to show you, now that I've gotten the okay from Moony. He reckons you're not going to go blabbing Marauder secrets to the world, so I can tell you our deepest, darkest ones."

Decima raised an eyebrow. Darker secrets than their best friend being a werewolf? Did it get darker than that? But then, when had the Marauders ever ceased to surprise her?

"All right, then," she said with a smile. "Lead the way!"

He began leading her back up to the castle, pausing to check the Marauder's Map.

"Okay, good," he muttered. "Peter's in place. C'mon, let's go."

As they rushed back to the castle, Decima asked, "What's the deal with Tien and Lucius?"

"Ah, that's a very good question. She's never told me, and to be honest, from the little bits I've been able to gather, I've rather decided I'm better off not knowing."

They were on the grounds now, and Sirius was leading her off toward the lake. She realized that he had set a course for the Whomping Willow.

"Um, darling?" she said nervously.

"Yes, love?"

"I love you, but I'd rather not best Davy Gudgeon and actually _lose_ my eye. Any reason why you're taking me at the tree that fights?"

"You'll see, sweetheart. Don't worry, I'd never put those beautiful eyes in danger."

Decima snorted. That was pretty cheesy, even for Sirius, but he seemed pleased with himself, so she daren't say it aloud. She simply followed him toward the tree. He gave a little whistle that carried across the grounds, and suddenly, she saw the tree freeze. Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened.

"C'mon," he said. "We've got to hurry."

She followed him, and he lowered her down into a hole at the trunk of the tree, following her down just after, and taking her hand, leading her through the dark tunnel they had just landed in. Nothing should have surprised her at this point, but even after dating a Marauder for months, Decima still found herself stunned. Who would have thought there was a passageway under the Whomping Willow of all places, or that the Marauders had managed to find it?

He led her up the passage until they reached a lighter part, and she realized they were climbing into a house of sorts, with tattered furniture and no signs of actual life. She frowned.

"Where are we?"

"This, my love," he said with a flourish, "is the Shrieking Shack."

Decima looked around at the room she was standing in, shocked. Sirius had brought her to the most haunted building in Britain through a secret passageway under the most bloodthirsty tree at Hogwarts. Perhaps this was all some sort of strange dream. Maybe she had a turkey sandwich before bed again…

"The Shrieking Shack?" she repeated, trying to decide whether or not to laugh.

"Yeah," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Why don't you sit down, CiCi? We've got a lot to talk about."

"Yeah, I'm guessing we do," she said, "since you've taken me to a haunted house as some sort of idea of a date, after leading me through a tunnel beneath a tree that could have killed me."

"Hmm, yeah, have a seat then, I've finally gotten permission to tell you everything and this story's a doozy."

Decima sighed, sitting down in the only chair in the whole room that wasn't upturned. Sirius paced the floor.

"Okay, so sometime in the summer of 1971, the Shrieking Shack was built, and the Whomping Willow was planted over the entrance to that passage we just came through. That's because on September first of that year, a young boy was starting at Hogwarts with a serious issue. You already know about that though. This was all created because Remus is a werewolf."

Now things were starting to make sense. But if she already knew about the reason behind it, what more could he possibly have to tell her?

"So we spent years trying to find a way to be with him when he transformed, make things more bearable for him. It took three years to do properly, but James and Peter and I are Animagi."

Decima blinked. She couldn't have heard that right.

"Animagi?"

"Yeah, you know, that essay you absolutely failed."

She didn't appreciate his sass, and gave him a look that plainly told him so, before saying, "All right, if you're an Animagus, let's see your form."

"My pleasure, darling," he said, and with a bow, he was suddenly not there. Rather, a large black dog was standing in front of her, its head bowed at her, lifting back up and panting happily. The dog bounded over to her, put its front paws on her lap and happily licked her face. She giggled. It was definitely Sirius. She knew those gray eyes anywhere. She happily pet the dog until she noticed that one of his paws was sliding up her thigh, under her skirt, and dangerously close to her panties. She snorted, flicking him on the nose, which caused him to recoil and turn back into his human form.

"What was that for?"

"For coping a feel in dog form, Sirius. That's just weird."

He grinned at her and winked.

"You know you liked it."

She just sighed and asked if there was anything more to the story.

"Oh, yeah. James is a stag and Peter is a rat. We have tamed the wild beast that is Remus once a month, and when we're they're he's fairly well-behaved. So we've done a lot of exploring. We know more about Hogwarts and the grounds than anyone since the founders. And we made this map. It has all of the castle and the grounds on it, with all the passageways and everything. And, it has all the people, too. So if you're on Hogwarts grounds and we're looking for you, we'll find you, no matter where you are!"

"Is that how you stalked me when I was with Regulus?" said Decima wryly.

"Yeah," he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "And I borrowed James's Invisibility Cloak a lot for that, too."

She giggled.

"Fascinating, love. Anything else?"

"Well," said Sirius, approaching her confidently, "I figured there was something we could do while we're here, if you're up for it…"

She smirked.

"Well," she said, standing and allowing him to lead her up the stairs, "I suppose it is called the Shrieking Shack."

Sirius's eyes glowed with lust as he whispered in her ear, "Let's give those unsuspecting third years a Hogsmeade trip they'll never forget."

Despite their decrepit surroundings, Sirius delivered, as always. As he led her back up to the school for dinner hours later, a question hit her mind and she asked it, as always, without giving her mind time to decide if that was really a good idea.

"So how many girls have you brought out here?"

Damn that mouth of hers.

Sirius tensed and paused, looking at her through the darkness of the tunnel around them. He was studying her, which couldn't mean anything good, and even with the lack of light she could tell that his posture was still and uncomfortable.

"One," he said. "Just you."

Decima felt incredibly guilty all of a sudden, as though every time she had been a little harsh with him, every time she made an unnecessary jab, as though she had done it all at once and she felt like the worst person in the world. She forgot, for a moment, that he had cheated on her. In light of everything he had done for her, that one moment of indiscretion really did feel incredibly insignificant, and suddenly the revenge she had taken with James seemed so unfair, so over-the-top. She was the worst girlfriend in the world.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, slipping her hand out of his and sitting down on the hard, cool earth of the tunnel.

He scrambled down to sit next to her, putting an arm around her shoulder and holding her tightly to him. Almost out of habit, Decima rested her head on his shoulder.

"Now what on earth do you have to be sorry for?" he whispered softly, petting her hair gently.

"I'm the worst girlfriend ever."

"Why in the name of Merlin would you think something like that, love?" he groaned, pulling her tightly to his chest.

"Because it's true," Decima moaned back. "I've done nothing put point out your flaws and poke at your insecurities for days and I can't believe you've barely said a word about it. I need to get over myself. I mean, you obviously love me–"

"Damn right," he muttered with a chuckle.

" – and I need to just realize that and move on. We didn't mean any of it. So why can't I just move past it?"

They sat like that for what felt like forever, not saying a word, holding each other. Decima couldn't be sure of what Sirius was thinking, but she knew it was nothing to what she was thinking. He deserved better, someone who wasn't going to be so incredibly up and down about everything all of the time, someone whole and able to be secure in his love for her. But at the same time, she knew she couldn't leave him. Maybe it was selfish of her, but she had nothing else to hope for, and he certainly didn't want her to go anywhere. After all of the things he had told her, all of the secrets he had shared, could she really leave him in good conscience, anyway?

"CiCi," he whispered finally, "I love you so, so much. I've never wanted or loved anyone nearly as much or at all in the same way. And I could sit here all day trying to convince you I'm telling the truth and begging you to stay with me if that's what you needed, but I don't think it is. And I'm incredibly hungry. So why don't we go grab something to eat before dinner's over, all right, love?"

A little reluctantly, Decima allowed Sirius to help her to her feet and resume leading her up the passageway, across the grounds, into the castle and across the Great Hall to where their friends were sitting. Tien had joined them for dinner, and was humming to herself as she worked butter into her mashed potatoes, or rather, as she worked mashed potatoes into her butter. Gwen and Remus were side-hugging each other as they ate. Ah, the advantages of dating a lefty, Decima mused. Lily and James were sitting across from each other, meeting each other's gazes and then looking away, blushing profusely. Those early stages of love and butterflies were a good look for the couple. Peter was simply stabbing his steak with his fork, not bothering to cut or eat it. Clearly he was still bitter about missing the Hogsmeade trip.

"So," said Sirius as he sat down next to James, pulling Decima down next to him, "am I right in saying that was the best Hogsmeade trip ever?"

"You're the only one who got laid today, Sirius," said Tien loftily. "Don't forget us normal people who shag in places where the rest of the world can't hear."

Sirius opened his mouth, head tilted to the side as though he was about to say something, but then he just grinned, snapped his mouth shut and shrugged as though she had said he needed a haircut. Decima blushed and quickly piled food on her plate. They had actually heard her. Contrary to her embarrassment, Sirius looked incredibly proud, immensely pleased with himself, and Tien just laughed as he puffed out his chest. Decima decided they needed a change of topic.

"So, Peter, you missed the Death Eaters in Hogsmeade."

Peter looked up, pleased. She had thought he would be glad that he hadn't been caught in the middle of that one, and she was right. He really was quite a coward. How was he in Gryffindor, anyway? Maybe the hat really was going senile.

"Ah, yes," said Tien with a bitter laugh, "Mr. I'm-So-Perfect-Look-At-My-Shiny-Blond-Locks Malfoy. What a pouf."

Sirius snorted into his pumpkin juice, James laughed so hard he started choking on his steak, and Remus just grinned and shook his head. Decima hated to admit it, but that was an incredibly accurate description of Lucius.

"Tien, I couldn't help but notice," said Decima, carefully considering each word, "that there seemed to be some sort of tension between you and Lucius. I'm guessing there's a story?"

"You're guessing right," said James with a grin. "Go on, sweetie, tell them the story. It's my favorite."

Tien grinned in a fake shy sort of way, and waved as though it was nothing, but the boys chanted her name, clapping, begging for a story. Finally she set down her fork, dabbed her face with her napkin, and grinned at them. The Marauders were instantly silent.

"Last year, I got separated from my parents in Diagon Alley, and I saw this shop around the corner with shrunken heads. Well, naturally I had to take a look."

"Naturally," said the boys in consent, sharing a fond smile.

"So I walked down to the shop, not noticing that I had actually just stepped into Knockturn Alley. Truly dodgy place. I plan on personally exploring it when the war's over. Anyway, there I was, admiring the display of shrunken heads in the shop window, thinking to myself what a marvelous variety they had, when and hand went over my mouth and I was dragged around behind a shop across the street. I was suddenly surrounded by large, cloaked figures with masks."

"Death Eaters?" squeaked Lily, a horrified look on her face. Tien nodded solemnly. Decima had to hand it to the girl, her story telling skills were excellent.

"That's right," she said softly, and they all leaned in closer, so as not to miss a word, "Death Eaters. Now, they had their hoods up, but I recognized the leader because some of his precious, silky blond hair was sticking out of his hood. He tried to rape me, but I was able to wrestle my wand arm free and fight back. Twenty minutes later, I was back in Diagon Alley, my family was none the wiser, and the Death Eater called Selwyn is no longer able to reproduce."

Decima looked at the grinning Asian beauty in awe. She had been taken completely by surprise, held down, nearly raped, but she managed to get away, and take decent revenge. Lucius still appeared to be scared of her. This was the kind of girl Sirius deserved, someone brave and talented, someone convinced of her own self-worth and willing to stick up for herself. This was the type of girl Sirius wanted her to be, she knew it.

And Selwyn wouldn't be able to have children. That was probably for the best, she mused. He was incredibly stupid. Unleashing his offspring on the world was a horrible plan. Tien had done the wizarding world a great service. Too bad she only got one of them.

"So how much of that story is actually true, Tien?" said Remus with a smirk.

"I'll have you know, Moony," said the girl with a frown, "that this particular story is completely factual. I don't make up stuff about Death Eaters. We're at war. This is serious business."

"I'm sorry if I offended you, Tien," said Remus graciously. "But you'll understand my hesitancy."

"Naturally," she said loftily. "Oh, and James, don't schedule a practice for next Thursday. It's my mother's birthday."

James frowned.

"And why can't I schedule practice on your mother's birthday?"

"Because I have to celebrate her birthday, you dolt," she sneered.

"Are you going home?"

"No."

"Are you fire calling her?"

"No."

"Then how the hell are you celebrating it that would keep you from going to practice?"

"I'm taking advantage of the holiday-like circumstances of the day to sleep off the incredible hangover I'm planning on getting Friday night. I suggest you do the same."

Sirius, Remus and Peter all laughed uproariously, and Decima cracked a small smile. She could get used to this girl.

"Sorry, Vo," said James with a smile. "I don't care if you come to practice with a hangover, but you're coming to practice if I have to send someone to physically drag you down there."

"Now, James, darling," said Tien loftily, "what have we learned today about trying to force me to do things I don't want to do?"

James frowned, picked at his steak for a moment.

"Practice Sunday good?"

"Excellent."

"All right, I'll tell the rest of the team."

As he got up to alert the rest of the Quidditch team to the practice change, Tien smirked over at Decima and winked.

"Appeal to James, Jr. Best way to deal with James, Sr."

It certainly appeared to be an effective method, but Decima hoped she wouldn't have to use it.


	20. June

It was three in the morning. Decima had awoken in a cold sweat, a nightmare about her upcoming O.W.L.s waking her. She stared at the curtains around the bed for a moment, gripping tightly at what she had assumed in her half-asleep daze were the sheets, but then she heard a sleepy groan and two arms wrapped tightly around her and she realized she had just grasped Sirius's boxers. She was lying on top of him.

"Are you all right, love?" he whispered. "You're trembling. What time is it?"

"I'm fine," sighed Decima, trying to calm herself. "Go back to sleep."

"No, no, it's not fine," he muttered sleepily, looking down at his watch. "You've got your tests today. You need sleep. Tell me what's wrong."

Decima rolled over and looked up into Sirius's anxious but tired face, tracing a finger lightly across his jaw and muttering, "Just a bad dream, darling. It doesn't matter."

"About what, CiCi?" he hissed softly into her ear. "I'm not dropping this until you tell me."

With a sigh, she began tracing her finger in circles along his muscular chest.

"I've been having more nightmares about my O.W.L.s," she admitted softly. "I'm just afraid I'm going to mess them all up!"

"Aw, darling," he cooed, "you're brilliant, love. There's absolutely nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about. Is there anything I can do to help you get back to sleep?"

Decima just shook her head and hugged Sirius tightly, allowing him to wrap his strong arms around her.

"No, love," she sighed. "I'm just going to have to do my best to fall asleep. You should do the same though."

But Decima didn't get any more sleep that night. She ran through the theory for Cheering Charms in her mind as she watched Sirius sleep peacefully, wishing she hadn't woken him at all. She wanted so badly to keep her own problems from being his problems. Decima was painfully aware of all the trouble she had caused for him since they first met. She realized that he wanted to her to be strong, for herself, for him, and she realized now that she couldn't stand in the shadows and hope he would take care of her. It was time for her to step up and be her own person.

Finally, Remus woke everyone up and they began getting ready for breakfast. Remus was so insistent on doing everything he could for Decima and Gwen, as he wanted to make sure his girlfriend did her absolute best on her O.W.L.s. Sirius was different. He wanted Decima to do well, but he didn't think he needed to fawn over her, wait on her, or quiz her constantly. He had extreme faith in her abilities, and probably more than she herself did. She wished he would at least quiz her. He had, at least, agreed to help her prepare for her Transfiguration O.W.L., which was going to be the hardest for her, anyway.

Breakfast was uneventful, except that Decima, Gwen and Tien all stared at their food anxiously, none of them really up to eating a thing. Tien managed to stuff a few sausages down her throat, but only because she had James bugging her about her health and staying in shape for the upcoming Quidditch season. No amount of guilt tripping could have gotten Decima to eat, however. Her stomach was churning at the very sight of food and Sirius, quite respectfully, ate just enough to hold himself over, and quickly before taking her and Gwen away from the table. Tien joined them as soon as she could escape from James. The three girls walked Sirius to his class, though he really didn't need to go so early. They all knew he was doing them a silent favor, taking their mind off their nerves.

Before the girls made their way back down to the Great Hall for their first test, Sirius pulled Decima aside and gave her a hot, passionate kiss. All of her worries melted away suddenly as she melted into his arms and she sighed against his lips.

"What was that for?" she muttered happily, placing a gentle kiss on his neck.

"That was to help you feel better," he muttered back, giving her another quick peck. "You'll do amazing, darling. I promise."

All annoyance Decima had felt at him not helping her more disappeared instantly, and she made her way back to the Great Hall with Tien and Gwen in an incredibly giddy mood. The other two must have had inklings as to her eager behavior, and they said not a word, for which she was grateful.

At lunch, she was greeted with a kiss on the cheek, and Remus greeted all three girls with anxious questions about the exam. By now, he was the only anxious person at their part of the table. The girls were now quite confident in their abilities, and as Lily pointed out, they were quite capable witches who knew Charms exceedingly well.

By the time the day was over, Decima wasn't worried about anything, except for her Transfiguration O.W.L., which happened to be the very next day. As soon as that thought hit her, she grew silent, not listening to her friend's jokes, declining the offer to play in a large-group round of Exploding Snap, and excusing herself to bed early. Somehow, she wasn't entirely sure how, she found herself in the shower, fully clothed, sobbing into her hands, shaking with fear at the thought of her Transfiguration exam the following day.

"CiCi?" she heard from outside the shower. Sirius was calling for her. Her eyes grew wide with horror and shame and she crouched in the corner of the shower, trying to hold in her sobs, praying to Merlin that he couldn't hear her.

But she had forgotten the absolute lack of privacy amongst those staying in this dormitory, and a second later, Sirius stepped in and looked down at her, shocked and a little scared. He turned off the water and sat down beside her on the damp floor, wrapping an arm around her soaked waist as she cried into his shoulder.

"Darling, what's wrong?" he cooed, raking his fingers gently through her sopping wet hair.

"I'm going to fail Transfiguration," she moaned. "And I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but I'm sure I'll need that N.E.W.T. and there's no way I'll pass. And even if I do, it'll be barely scrapping an Acceptable. I've been h-h-having nightmares about it all week."

"Oh, baby," he sighed, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her forehead. "Come on, love, let's get you dry and warm and we'll talk about this reasonably, okay? We can go to the kitchens and get some hot chocolate. How does that sound?"

Decima nodded numbly, allowing him to lead her out into the dormitory, drying her off with his wand and tossing her his cloak for extra warmth before drying himself and leading her off to the kitchen. She barely noticed a thing until he had her settled down at a table, waiting for sweets and hot chocolate promised by the house-elves, who like almost everyone else in the castle, absolutely adored Sirius.

"Now, darling, you've been revising with Remus and Gwen, right?"

She nodded numbly once more, sipping her hot chocolate steadily.

"So why all the anxiety? Has it not been going well?"

"No, it's been going fine," she said thoughtfully, now that she was no longer hysterical. "I don't know, I guess Transfiguration has always caused me anxiety. I mean, you know how horrible I am at it."

"Well, that's true," he said, stroking his stubble thoughtfully. Then he drained his mug in a gulp and set it down in the center of the table. "Turn it into a… oh… how about a salamander? Those aren't scary in any way, are they?"

"No, not really," she said nervously, setting down her own, half-empty mug. "But I don't think I know how to do that."

"Sure you do, darling," he cooed encouragingly. "Now, think through the theory for a moment, do you know how to change something from this type of material?"

"Yes, we've used teacups in class," she said thoughtfully.

"Good, that's right. Now, what's the most similar resultant you've used to a salamander?"

That was a difficult question. They'd done mice, birds, beetles, spiders… They had turned a glass goblet to a snake once.

"Snakes, but I wasn't starting from a teacup."

"Darling," he said with a sigh and a smile, "have you forgotten everything I've taught you? All transfigurations come in two parts, respective to the material and the resultant. You've worked with this material, you've worked with something rather similar to this resultant. Think about resultants that had the characteristics a salamander has, but a snake doesn't and how you'll have to alter that part, and you'll be golden."

After a few attempts and with careful guidance, Decima had a proper salamander in front of her. Sirius had her transfigure a few other things until she was getting everything on the first try. He leaned across the table and kissed her as she turned the porcupine back into his shoe.

"You're going to be just fine, love," he whispered, "just fine."

And Sirius was right. Decima survived the remainder of her O.W.L.s with a remarkably minimal amount of stress. When he realized how hard it had been on her, suffering in silence, wondering how abysmally she would fail, Sirius began carrying around chocolates, giving her one every time someone mentioned anything to do with Transfiguration.

After the first week of O.W.L.s were over, she had to insist that he cease and desist with this manner of assisting her, because she told him she didn't want to gain fifty kilos just because of nerves. He promptly told her that he would stop if she liked, but that he knew of a much better way to keep off any extra kilos threatening to take up residence on her body.

The days after O.W.L.s were spent peacefully, lounging in the sun with the Marauders, Gwen, Tien, and Lily, who seemed to have grown incredibly closer to the girls connected to the Marauders than she had been with Mary, even before the fight, whatever that had been about. Sirius especially enjoyed seeing how many days in a row he could throw Decima into the lake and apologize, with sex as his reward for an apology, of course.

When it finally came time for the feast, Decima had almost all of her packing done. Sirius, however, was being unhelpful, as usual.

"Sirius," she sighed, "if we have any hopes of going to the feast, you need to let me pack."

"Who said I wanted to go to the feast?" he teased.

She gave him a stern look.

"Couldn't you do your packing after the feast is over?"

Decima gave a snort.

"Right, I'm going to assume you just didn't think that one through, because it will be late when the feast is over and you're going to want to have sex and go to sleep. Now I'm only going to ask you this one time, would you rather I do this now, or later?"

"Now," he sighed, flopping himself back onto his bed and pouting. It was a face that looked as though it would have been far more at home on a five-year-old. In remained plastered on his face until Remus informed them that if they wanted to be on time to the feast they had best be heading down. Then, Sirius sat up with an eager smile on his face. "Ready to go?"

Decima sighed.

"No, Sirius, I'm not. Go on ahead, and save me a seat. I'll meet you down there, okay?"

He frowned, but nodded and followed Peter out of the dormitory. Decima sighed heavily and decided that if she wanted to make it to the feast before dessert she would have to start chucking everything into her trunk at random and hoping she could get Sirius to close it for her later. So when all of her things were piled more or less inside of her trunk twenty minutes later, she started for the Great Hall, hoping she wouldn't draw too much attention to her late arrival. At the top of the marble staircase, however, she ran into an unwanted figure.

"Regulus!" she gasped, taking a step back.

"Decima, before you do something rash, I just want to talk," he said slowly, his eyes pleading with her.

"What could we possibly have to talk about at this point, Regulus?" she said sadly, knowing that they truly were on two totally separate paths.

"Decima, I just… I…" his eyes were misting before her and he sighed heavily. "Please, I want to know you're safe. I need to know that you've got somewhere to stay and someone to take care of you because you're considered a target and I don't know what I'd do if… if something h-happened to you. It would be all m-m-my fault."

Decima didn't know what to do, what to think. She just nodded numbly and said, "I'm going to be just fine, Regulus. I have a safe place to stay. Now, I'm going to the feast, so excuse me."

Regulus nodded and simply watched her take off down the marble staircase, not following her into the feast like she thought he would. They were almost done with dinner when she got to the Great Hall, and she spotted Sirius because of Gwen. The one person wearing Slytherin colors in the sea of Gryffindor was like a beacon calling her over to the seat which had been saved for her. Decima smiled at her friends and sat down beside Sirius, who kissed her forehead when she sat and passed her the rolls.

"That took long enough, darling. If you weren't here by desert I was going to come up and check on you. I was starting to get worried."

"Oh, I was fine," she said with a chuckled, "but you'll have to close my trunk, Sirius. I started getting haphazard when I thought I might miss dessert and I don't think I'll be able to close the trunk without help."

"A pleasure to be of service, m'lady," he said with a little smirk and an abbreviated bow of the head. Gwen giggled, Tien rolled her eyes and Lily just sighed.

Dessert was a grand affair, as always, and as Sirius had taken to doing lately, he fed her a little bit of each thing on the table, let her pick two desserts, and spoon or fork fed her a serving of each. Gwen sighed about how utterly romantic it was, but Decima knew that it was because he enjoyed the rapturous look on her face when she had sweets and it was the closest thing he was getting to her sex face in public. Sirius Black was many things, but stupid wasn't one of them. He always found a way to get what he wanted.

Dumbledore stood and the entire hall fell silent. He smiled down at them with his twinkling blue eyes peering down over his half-moon spectacles, his hands poised as though ready to begin applauding on a moment's notice.

"Another year has come and gone and it is time for us to say our goodbyes. It is, of course, time to award the House Cup, and the points stand thus: with three hundred and seventy-two points, Ravenclaw; with four hundred and six points, Hufflepuff; with four hundred and ninety-four points, Slytherin; and with five hundred and three points, Gryffindor wins the House Cup! Well done Gryffindor!"

That last sentence was barely audible over the roars emitting from the Gryffindor table. They hadn't won by much, but they had one, and as Sirius said, that was all that mattered. Professor Dumbledore talked for a little while longer, especially congratulating the seventh years who had finished their N.E.W.T.s and were heading out into the world.

Back in the dormitory, Sirius was busy squashing Decima's trunk closed while she brushed her teeth. Next year, he would be done. This time next year, he would be going out into the world, into the war, putting his life on the line every day, because Sirius could never be happy doing anything else. She rinsed her mouth, tossed her toothbrush in Sirius's trunk, which they had agreed would hold all of their last-minute things, and climbed into bed, pulling the hangings shut around the pair of them.

"Something wrong, darling?" he whispered, running the heel of his hand along her spine. "You seem tense."

"We're going to run into your family at King's Cross, I just know it," she muttered. It was true, that had been on her mind, although it wasn't what was troubling her presently. Decima didn't want to worry Sirius with all the things she had weighing on her mind.

"You won't have to worry about them, darling," he sighed into her ear. "They won't do anything in public like that. Things aren't so bad yet that even a Black can attack someone in the middle of Muggle London and not get locked up. I hope it never gets that bad."

"I wish I had your confidence," she muttered, referring not just to that matter, but to the war in general. He must have realized this.

"It's going to be all right, CiCi. I promise you, someday we'll have a little house in the country and we'll fill it up with children and decorate it with family photos, and we'll be the godparents of all our friends' children and we'll have brunch at Potter Manor with all our friends and family every Sunday."

Decima giggled as he tickled her side on purpose.

"There's that beautiful smile," he muttered, pressing his lips to hers.

"That all sounds absolutely lovely, Sirius," she sighed, laying back on the pillows and allowing him to climb on top of her. It was their last night together at Hogwarts for several months. Despite the fact that she wasn't in the best of moods for sex, there wasn't any reason good enough to deny Sirius, when somewhere in the back of her mind, behind all the worries, Decima wanted it too.


	21. Times, They're AChangin'

**A/N: **_**emmie4life**_**, who has turned off her private messages, I am glad you like this story. The reason I update it so often? Because I get reviews from people like you. The second I get a review, I rush to write a bit more, even if I have to force it out, even if I'm in the throes of writer's block. It's my little way of making sure you all know how much your reviews mean to me.**

The following morning found Decima cuddled up in a compartment with Sirius, Remus, James, Peter, Gwen, Tien, and Lily, speeding along toward Muggle London at the typical pace of the Hogwarts Express, making promises to visit each other and listening to the boys put the finishing touches on all of their plans for their summer bash. The compartment was hot and sticky, filled beyond its capacity with bodies, Decima and Gwen having to stack themselves atop their significant others to make sure everyone had a seat. The boys had set aside sweets specifically for the journey, and Tien even smuggled a few dozen bottles of butterbeer from the kitchens. They knew it would only last until lunchtime, when the trolley lady would come around with more food and sweets.

"So we're seventh years," said Lily softly, staring at her half-empty bottle of butterbeer thoughtfully. "It doesn't feel like I thought it would."

"How did you think it would feel?" said Sirius, motioning to Tien for a second bottle and reaching into Decima's lap for a Cauldron Cake.

"I don't know," said Lily. "Not like this. I just feel exactly the same."

"Maybe it hasn't hit you right yet," said Peter. "Maybe you won't realize it until later, maybe when we're on the train back, maybe when we get our letters, maybe when we're shopping for the last of our books."

"Or maybe when it's all over," said James, "and it's too late for the realization to do any good."

They all looked at him, blinking. Then Tien began to clap slowly and deliberately.

"Thank you, ray of sunshine," she said dryly. "Care to give us any more of your two Sickles, or are you as cheap as you are cynical?"

"I'm merely stating possibilities, Tien, dear," said James with a smirk. "I honestly doubt that will happen. And when our darling Lily and our dear Remus are Head Boy and Girl, I think it will hit all of us that seventh year is here at last."

"I wouldn't be so sure that I'll be Head Boy, James," said Remus. "I wasn't the best of Prefects, and the world doesn't actually revolve around Gryffindor, despite how much you wish it did. Besides," he added, taking a bite of chocolate and swallowing, "I suspect if it doesn't hit us sometime before, when we start revising for N.E.W.T.s it's going to hit us like a ton of bricks."

A collective groan ran through the compartment. Wrappers were thrown at Remus, as well as Sirius's shoe, and Lily moaned, "All right, it's hit me; I want to be a first year again! I'm sorry I ever said a thing!"

There was a silence then, as everyone wondered what might be an appropriate course of conversation after that.

"What was your first ride to Hogwarts like?" said Decima, ripping open a bar of Honeydukes' Best Chocolate. "Did anything interesting happen?"

"Well, the Marauders met," said Sirius. "We all ended up in a compartment together."

"And I pissed Lily off for the first time," said James with a little smirk.

"Yeah, you got into a fight about Houses with Sev."

"Well, to be fair, he was asking for it," said Sirius. "That was where we christened him 'Snivellus'."

"Lovely," said Gwen sardonically. "What else?"

"We played a hundred or so games of Exploding Snap and ate ourselves sick on sweets," mused Remus. "And then at the feast, we ate ourselves sick all over again, as if food was going out of style."

"So like every other meal, then," said Decima with a smirk of her own, tweaking Sirius's nose slightly. He twitched his nose at her in retaliation.

"What about you, love?" he said, breaking off a piece of her chocolate bar for his own consumption. "What was your ride like?"

"Well, Gwen and I met," said Decima, stretching out her legs across the compartment to rest on Peter's lap. "And your brother introduced me to Christa, who was sitting with some Slytherins from your year."

"It was awful," moaned Gwen. "There we were, a couple of starry-eyed first years who wanted nothing more than a few bits of sugar and reassurance that we weren't going to die in the process of being sorted and instead we got to listen to horror stories of these boys in Gryffindor who ate Slytherin first years for breakfast."

"Seriously?" laughed Lily. "Is that how they were advertising the Marauders?"

"Yeah, and to think you were only in your second year!" said Decima, laughing with the others.

"Oh, I had a much worse train ride," said Tien, stealing half a dozen chocolate frogs from Peter. "I got stuck in a compartment with a bunch of Ravenclaw fifth year girls, Merlin only knows how, and after they went on half the ride about what an adorable little first year I was, they proceeded to talk about how delicious they decided Gideon Prewett was, and talking about all of his broom closet gossip the rest of the way there. Needless to say, when the Sorting Hat thought about putting me in Ravenclaw, I balked."

The compartment filled with raucous laughter and remained so filled for almost the entire remainder of the ride, usually from Tien's stories, but Sirius and James and a few, and Remus told a story that got Lily laughing so hard that butterbeer sprayed out her nose. James said it was adorable.

When they finally pulled into King's Cross Station, the boys carried all of their things onto the platform. The girls hugged and said their goodbyes while the boys hurried up to meet them, rushing to the queue to reenter the Muggle world. Sirius had lightened their trunks and was dragging one in either hand, with Decima walking directly in front of him. She could feel his breath on her neck as they followed James and Lily out of the archway, into King's Cross Station.

The Potters were waiting there, kind smiles on their faces, and Decima and Sirius hung back, saying their goodbyes to their other friends as James rushed to introduce his parents to Lily. Out of the corner of her eye, Decima could see Orion Black watching her as he waited for Regulus, but she simply hugged Sirius tightly and pretended she couldn't see him. What she wouldn't give to completely avoid any sort of confrontation with the Blacks.

But Decima hardly ever got exactly what she wanted, and as fate would have it, when Mr. Potter came over to take her trunk from Sirius, remarking on what a lovely girl Lily was, Orion Black marched right up to them, giving Sirius and Decima a cold glare.

"You probably think you're really clever, don't you, boy?" he hissed at Sirius, spitting out the last word as though hoping to get some kind of bad taste out of his mouth.

"What are you talking about?" Sirius sneered back, wrapping his arm around Decima and pulling her tightly to him, glaring at his father.

"Alphard's will. He left quite a bit of money to you," spat Orion Black. "You'll be happy to know that he's been blasted off the family tree as well."

"Lovely," said Sirius ironically. "You're disowning the dead, now, as well as the living? Merlin, not long now and there won't be any Noble Blacks left to speak of, living or dead."

"You must think you're such a big man now, boy," snarled Orion. "You've got all that Black gold despite being disowned, so now you and your little blood-traitor bitch can live happily ever after, until someone with proper sentiments murders you both in your beds and bleeds her out like a pig."

"That's quite enough, Orion," said Mr. Potter evenly, before Sirius had a chance to draw his wand. "I think you ought to leave now. Your son's waiting for you."

Orion drew himself up to his full height, glared straight into Mr. Potter, and gave Decima one more contemptuous look before stalking away again. As soon as he turned his back, Decima let out a sigh of relief and a little sob, practically collapsing into Sirius. For a brief moment, she had been sure that Orion Black was going to attack her right in the middle of the train station, surrounded by all of those Muggles.

"Come on, you two," said Mr. Potter kindly. "We wouldn't want to hang around and wait for him to finally snap."

The men carried the trunks to the car and Mrs. Potter ushered Decima out with an arm around her shoulders, watching carefully for the Blacks. Decima didn't breathe easy until they were safely in the car and halfway to the Potter Manor. It was at this point when Sirius said, "Was it true, what my father said? Is Uncle Alphard dead?"

The Potters exchanged sad glances before Mrs. Potter informed him that his favorite uncle was, indeed, dead and had, indeed, left him quite a sum of money. Somewhere in the back of her mind, behind all her compassion and love for Sirius, behind her humanity at feeling the loss of a human life to be tragic, behind her decency at knowing she ought to feel sad, Decima had a twinge of happiness. They were still social outcast, true, but they wouldn't have to rely on the Potters and their charity for the rest of their lives. Sirius had money now. It wasn't the vast and incredible fortune he had had before, but it was certainly more than either of them had hoped of having, she was sure. She vaguely wondered if these thoughts made her a bad person, but if she was being perfectly honest with herself, she didn't actually care.

But Sirius wouldn't take those thoughts very well, so Decima made sure to keep any hint of happiness out of her features as she laced her fingers in his and softly kissed the single fallen tear off his cheek. He didn't need to think about his future in that moment, he needed to grieve, and for that he needed her compassion and support. Her logical side could come out later, when they actually had to sit down and discuss the money. She would have to remind herself, when the time came, not to appear too happy about it. He would likely still be sensitive about the death of his uncle.

And then she noticed the strange, veiled stared James was giving her, as if trying to read her soul with a look. Decima suppressed a shudder and wondered if he knew, or even guess at, what she was thinking. And if he did, would he share his suspicions with Sirius?

When they arrived back at the Potter Manor, the men took care of all their things and Mrs. Potter led Decima into the house for a chat and some iced tea. When they reached the kitchen and Mrs. Potter poured a couple of glasses, Decima stared at hers thoughtfully, vaguely aware that Mrs. Potter was watching her as she sipped her own iced tea.

"I know what went through your mind, Decima, and it doesn't make you a bad person."

Decima's eyes widened in shock as she looked at Mrs. Potter. Was that family full of mind-readers or something?

"Just don't say anything to Sirius, and avoid talking about it with James," Mrs. Potter pressed on. "Men like to think we're the sentimental ones, but it's a woman's job to think about the financial security of her future and family, and you're perfectly within your rights to do so, as long as you do so in a quiet and reserved fashion. Men always read the wrong things into such notions."

"So… so I'm not being selfish?"

Mrs. Potter smiled and shook her head. Decima felt as though a weight had lifted off her shoulders. As long as she wasn't stupid about it, she could be happy and still be there for Sirius in his time of need. When the boys joined them, Mrs. Potter poured them some iced tea and said, "I suppose you'll not be staying here much longer, then, Sirius."

Sirius frowned.

"What? What do you mean? You don't want me here anymore?"

She laughed and shook her head.

"Of course that's not what I mean. We love having you here. But I know you well enough to know you don't like living off charity, and now that you have a bit of money and you're of age, you can get yourself a proper place to stay. Merlin knows you and Miss Zimmerman could do with some more alone time."

Sirius smiled softly, clearly fond of the idea of more alone time. He nodded a little.

"I think I'll sit down with Dad after the funeral and go over my financial options. He knows a lot more about this kind of thing than I do. But I do like the sound of that. We'd still be welcome here, though?"

"Of course, Sirius," said Mrs. Potter with a fond smile at both of them. "In fact, I rather insist that you come for Sunday brunch each week."

That night, Decima curled up on the couch with Sirius, drinking tea and holding each other. Everyone else in the house had gone to bed. The shock of the news of his uncle's death seemed to be wearing off and he was petting her hair softly, humming to himself.

"This is my favorite spot in this whole house," he sighed.

"Why's that?" she whispered.

"It's where we first made love," he hissed in her ear, licking the shell of it slowly. "Do you remember?"

"Mmm," she moaned. "How could I forget?"

"If I did get my own place," he said, squeezing her hand tightly, "would you come with me?"

Decima bit her lip. In a way, it wouldn't be any different from being with him at school, or being with him at the Potter Manor. It's just that there wouldn't be anyone else there. That was appealing in many ways, but socially… it was completely inappropriate for her to live with her boyfriend.

"Sirius," she sighed, "I would love to. But do you think it's really appropriate for us to–?"

Sirius snorted.

"CiCi, I love you, but there's a war going on out there. I think it's time to kick the concepts of social appropriateness out the window."

She giggled a little and snuggled tighter into his chest. He was right. Even if they weren't disowned, the war was going to make social structure obsolete, for a while, anyway. Sirius would want to fight. She wouldn't be able to stop him, and she wouldn't want to. There was no telling when it was his funeral they would be awaiting next. Marriage would be foolish. But this was a commitment they could make, something they could do that couldn't hurt them any more if someone died.

"I would move in with you, Sirius," she whispered. "I can't think of anyone else I'd rather be with."

"Well, that's good, darling," he said with a little chuckle, because you're stuck with me, I think."

Decima hugged him tightly and curled up into a ball on his lap, basking in the warmth of his body, the gentleness of his touch, the care that emanated from his being. She didn't want to let go. She didn't want anything to change between them. Things had already changed so much from that first time they made love on that couch. They had nearly fallen apart so many times, mostly because of something stupid or impulsive she had said or done. He wasn't blameless, but she knew that she was the cause of a lot of the tension in their lives. Whatever the war didn't cause, she had a considerable hand in.

"Sirius," she breathed, running her finger gently along his jawline. "I love you so much, darling. I don't want things to ever come between us again."

"I promise you, Decima," he sighed, "I'll always be there for you, even if there comes a day you want me to leave. I'm never leaving you. It would take the entire force of the Wizarding world to keep me apart from you."

Their lips met. They both knew how cheesy they were being, but in that moment, it felt right. After all, their youth, their childhood, was almost over. They weren't going to be able to shag on the Potters' couch whenever they wanted for the rest of their lives.

"Make love to me, Sirius," she whispered against his neck as she kissed it. "Make love to me right here, right now, like the first time."

"Are you sure, CiCi?" he whispered. "We can go to one of our rooms…"

"No," she moaned. "When we move out, we can sleep in a bedroom all we want, but this may be the last time we'll ever get to do this right here on this couch. And I want you so badly, Sirius."

Even if it hadn't been the truth, she knew that was all she needed to say. Sirius didn't like the idea of saying no when she begged so sweetly, and so she begged, she pleaded, and he gave her exactly what she wanted. James was in for another shocking morning, but if he wasn't used to it by now, that wasn't Decima's problem. Everyone else seemed to accept the fact that they shagged like particularly indiscriminant bunnies. James would catch up. Perhaps he would figure it out when he found them tangled in a naked, sweaty mess on his parents' couch in the morning.


	22. Party Time

"Don't you two ever quit? Merlin's pants!"

"Good morning to you, too, James," she heard Sirius groan into her neck.

"Seriously, this is disgusting. If my mum doesn't want you snogging in the kitchen, I'm positive shagging in the sitting room is off-limits."

Mrs. Potter's voice called from the hall, "Leave them alone, James, I'll make no such rule!"

All three teenagers perked up and exchanged curious looks.

"What the hell?" muttered Sirius.

"She doesn't want to be hypocritical," said Mr. Potter with a smirk, grabbing a muffin and standing in the doorway, eating it. "That's been our number one rule about rule-making since we had James. If we do or plan to do something, we can't ban James from it. We can make an age limit, but banning it altogether isn't allowed.

James looked like he was going to be sick.

"I just learned more about my parents than I ever wanted to know," moaned James. Mrs. Potter came in from the hall carrying some laundry to be folded.

"What, that we have sex?" snorted Mrs. Potter. "How do you think you got here, Jamie?"

James screwed his face up in horror and rushed out of the room. Decima was fairly certain that he was down the hall sicking up, but she didn't really care. Despite what had been said to James, it was still a bit awkward to be tangled up in Sirius and a blanket, naked, right in front of James's parents.

"Well, I think we ought to leave the lovebirds to put some clothes on, darling," said Mrs. Potter, pulling her husband back into the kitchen. "Breakfast will be ready in ten, you two! I don't think James will feel up to joining us."

"You underestimate him, Mum," said Sirius. "Even with a weak stomach, James doesn't turn down good food!"

"Well," said Mrs. Potter thoughtfully from the other side of the wall as Decima pulled on her t-shirt, "you could be right about that, especially since I've banned you from snogging in the kitchen."

Sirius barked with laughter and gave Decima a swift, hard kiss before lacing his fingers through hers and leading her off to the kitchen. James did join them halfway through breakfast, and the boys began going over their guest list for the annual Marauders summer bash. Sirius occasionally asked Decima for her thoughts or suggestions, and they all agreed Mary MacDonald should not be invited, Gryffindor or not, if Lily and Mary were still fighting by the time invitations went out. They decided to invite all the girls from their year in Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw for Peter's sake, hoping that if there were enough females around and enough drinks, he might get lucky.

"Decima," said Mrs. Potter, buttering her toast, "would you like to invite some friends over at some point? There's going to be boys around this place all the time and I know you'll be wanting more female companionship than just myself."

"I would like that," Decima admitted, "if it's not too much trouble…"

"No trouble at all, dear!" said Mr. Potter with a smile. "The more the merrier! You've seen this place; we've got more rooms than we know what to do with. Any time you want someone to come over, you just go on ahead and invite them."

Decima blinked, thanked them, and stared down at her sausage as she ate it. Her parents rarely let her friends come over, and only the purebloods. Gwen had been disallowed in the house after her mother was bitten, but Christa and Philomela had always been more than welcome when her mother deemed that Decima's behavior warranted company. Sirius was right, the Potters were everything parents were supposed to be, and this realization almost made her sorry that she and Sirius would be moving out.

The days were lazy days that summer, exploring the Potters' vast grounds with the Marauders, having Gwen, Lily, and Tien over for girl time, helping Sirius look at houses. The very thought that Decima would be going back to school seemed foreign and strange. It seemed as though the world, the war, all of it, was something which existed outside the confines of the Potter land, and everything which occurred in that zone was a distant memory. Decima existed now on an alternate plan of being, where she was free, happy, and carefree. She had Sirius; she had everything she could ever wish for in life.

Decima had decided that the night before the party, Lily, Tien, and Gwen should all sleep over, that way they'd have a few more people around to help with setup and such, and they could have a girl's night. What's more, Peter and Remus were staying the night, so they made a deal not to disturb the boys in exchange for not being disturbed. Tien wasn't pleased with the agreement, and Decima had a feeling James wasn't either, but their friends held them at bay.

"So," said Tien, "am I the only person in this room who's been to the summer bash before?"

They all admitted that yes, she was, and her grin deepened as she looked out at the toenail painting girls on the floor before her.

"Oh, this is great," she said with a grin. "You'll love it. It's always the highlight of my summer."

"What exactly goes on at these parties?" said Lily, carefully running a nail polish brush along her toenail.

"Oh, the usual," said Tien as she filed her fingernails. "Music, dancing, drinking, smoking, James and Sirius giving drunken speeches, the guest rooms full of people shagging and drunken orgies on the dance floor. Why do you ask?"

Decima, who had been taking a drink of water, spit the water all over Gwen's back. Gwen squealed, but Decima gave a hasty apology before saying, "But Mr. and Mrs. Potter are going to be here."

"Yeah," said Tien.

"And they're just okay with that?" said Lily, her eyes wide with shock.

"So here's how this works," said Tien with a patient sigh, "before the guests get here, all off limits rooms are sealed by Mr. Potter, and he purchases all the weed and alcohol. If we use it all, he doesn't go get more, but that's never usually a problem. Mrs. Potter was a Healer in her younger years, and she says she'd rather be on hand for any potential disasters than have them all sneaking around. She's healed all sorts of stuff through the years, and every girl who walks through the door gets a contraceptive charm cast on her as a rule, just precautionary. If they don't like it, they can't come in, but I don't think anyone's ever said no. But you know the Potters, it's all about the kids having a good time, but knowing they've got adults around as a safety net. And as far as the drugs, I mean, nobody's going to burst into Potter Manor to search the place. They're pretty much too rich to be lawbreakers, as far as the Ministry is concerned."

Lily snorted as this information settled in.

"No wonder Sirius and James are arrogant toerags. Purebloods are all crazy."

Gwen and Decima made indignant noises, but everybody in that room knew that Lily was exactly right. Purebloods were all nuts. It was probably something to do with inbreeding. Still, this crossed all sorts of boundaries as far as sanity was concerned. Beating and abusing your children was one thing, but what the Potters were doing… wow.

"So, other than doing our nails and picking out our clothes for tomorrow, what do you have in mind for tonight, Tien?" said Gwen from the floor, where she was magically drying her nails.

"How about we get wasted?" said Tien with a smile.

"How about we save that for tomorrow?" moaned Lily.

"Oh, Evans, c'mon!" cried Tien dramatically. "Where's your sense of adventure? Besides, I brought alcohol just for tonight, and it's not about to go to waste!"

"Where is it?" said Decima, curious. She hadn't seen any alcohol.

"James has it, now let's go!"

"Woah," said Lily, "no, no, no, we're not doing that! This was supposed to be a girl's night, Tien, what part of that do you not get?"

"All of it," said Tien. "Now c'mon, let's go booze it up, I'm dying here!"

"No," said Lily viciously. "That's a word even you can understand, Tien."

Just then, the door to Decima's bedroom burst open and Sirius led the other boys into the room, each of them carrying two bottles of firewhisky, and Sirius levitating a bottle of rum for Lily, who hated firewhisky.

"Hello, ladies!" said Sirius. "I know the plan was for you to come to us, Tien, but after thinking it over and discussing it thoroughly with Remus Lupin, the paragon of all things logic, we decided it would be more efficient to come to you. We doubted your abilities to get Lily to agree to the plan without a lengthy and unnecessary fight."

"Sirius Black," said Decima slowly, attempting to keep her voice calm, "you are sleeping alone tonight."

This brought a wave of laughter, and Sirius muttered something like, "We'll see about that," but the bottles were soon passed around and all opposition to Tien and James's evil plan was quickly forgotten. Soon, they were laughing, drinking, talking, and there was much making out, which Peter watched awkwardly and Tien simply watched. Even the most awkward things in the world weren't awkward to that girl.

"You look incredibly sexy," Sirius hissed in Decima's ear. He had come up behind her and pressed his body against hers, wrapping an arm around her waist. She could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Thanks, baby," she sighed. "C'mon, I'm tired. We've got things to do tomorrow. Let's go to bed."

"Thought you'd never ask," he growled, pulling her off to her bed and crawling into it, pulling her down with him and kissing her hard.

Five minutes later, they had both passed out in an exhausted heap, his shirt half off and their clothing otherwise intact.

The following morning, Mr. and Mrs. Potter found all eight teenagers passed out in various states of disarray around Decima's room. The empty alcohol bottles were scattered as well, with only one managing to have been broken in the course of the nights' events, luckily after it had been emptied of alcohol. Mrs. Potter sent her husband to fetch some extra hangover potion and set to work waking up the sure-to-be grouchy young people splayed around the room.

Decima blinked herself awake as Mrs. Potter shook her gently. The girl was tangled up in Sirius, grateful in that moment that she was still fully dressed, and feeling as though the headache she was now acutely aware of was going to kill her slowly.

"Rise and shine, Decima," Mrs. Potter cooed. Every word was like a knife sticking into Decima's skull.

"No," she moaned, hugging Sirius more tightly. "Too bright. Too loud. Make it go away."

"Your party is in a matter of hours, everybody," said Mrs. Potter, "so I'd suggest you all get up and sober up quickly so that you can be ready when your guests start arriving."

It was slow going, attempting to get all the hung-over teenagers to crawl out of their respective sleeping locations, but as soon as Mr. Potter returned with the words, "hang-over potion" on his lips and the bottle in his hand, there was a sudden perking up throughout the group and they fought over who got the first drink.

As soon as they were all well again and Mr. and Mrs. Potter were out of the room, Lily got her shrieking fit out of the way. When Tien, Sirius and James all appeared sufficiently abashed, the eight of them began the preparations for the party, starting with getting something to eat.

Mrs. Potter fed them a large platter of delicious sandwiches and then shooed them off to go and decorate while she made snacks for the party. The girls set to streamer-making instantly. The boys set up the music, arranged furniture, and readied food and drink stations. Decima could hardly believe it as the party shaped up before her very eyes. About a half hour before guests were supposed to arrive, Decima found herself standing in the middle of the ballroom, awed at how young and fresh the entire place looked. Sirius came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her neck.

"We did pretty good, huh babe?"

"Yeah, I guess we did," Decima said, sounding as amazed as she felt, but perfectly happy with the kiss he gave her. "Promise to be on your best behavior tonight?"

"Only if you do, missy," he joked, tickling her sides briefly. "I know you, gotta watch you every second!"

They laughed and joked and went off to get ready for the party in their respective rooms. Decima found Lily and Gwen already glamming up for the party, while Tien lounged on the bed. Decima frowned at Tien, but began sifting through her wardrobe before bothering to ask, "Why are you just sitting there, Tien?"

"Because I'm ready for the party and I'm bored," said Tien, truly sounding bored. "I'm hoping your preparations will entertain me. The boys won't let me sit around while they change."

Decima laughed and pulled out a silver sequined dress for the party. Gwen gasped dramatically.

"Is that the dress, CiCi?" she whispered in a reverent voice.

Decima nodded as the other girls eyed the dress with interest.

"The dress?" said Lily. "What dress? I mean, it's adorable, but what's so special about it?"

"Are you joking?" hissed Gwen, outraged. "That is the dragon-scale sequin dress Decima's father bought her to congratulate our winning the Quidditch Cup last year. That dress costs more than any broomstick in this house, even James's racing broom! It's imported from Australia, and it's probably the reason Regulus jumped her at the end of the year party last summer."

"Gwen," sighed Decima, but she was happy that somebody else gave the dress the glowing bragfest it deserved. She didn't like bragging about her own things. It made her feel materialistic and petty. "Can we just get ready for the party now… please?"

They went about their business, turning on the wireless, dancing around to some music while they got dressed, did their hair, fixed their makeup. Decima caught Gwen and Lily stealing looks at her dress the whole time, probably jealous. She slipped on her go-go boots with a little smile to herself, knowing that Sirius, like Regulus, was not going to be able to resist her in the dress. Not that he did a very good job of resisting her at any time.

By the time the girls entered the ballroom, the booze was flowing, the music was screaming, and the party had certainly kicked off. Decima began scanning the room for Sirius. This was his element, she knew, unlike his brother who had been far more at home at the fancy balls with the high-class dress robes and people with their noses so high in the air it was a wonder they could see anything but the ceiling. Sirius lived for gritty, sweaty, base environments like this, where his animal attraction and unadulterated sex appeal could thrive. The smoke, the sweat, the steam… none of it bothered him. The sticky, dirty floor, covered in alcohol and things a civilized person didn't want to think about didn't bother him. And of course, Decima spotted him over by the drinks, standing in a circle with his friends, his head thrown back in deep, mirthful laughter. He had probably already had a few drinks and was completely relaxed. A little smile formed on Decima's face as she watched him, pushing her way through the bodies that blocked her.

"Hello there, love," he said loudly as she came up to him. "God, you look stunning. I now understand why you birds always show up late to these things. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that…"

Decima rolled her eyes, but allowed him to wrap his arm around her, pull her body tightly to his, and shove a drink in her hand. He began to nuzzle her neck with his nose and she could smell the firewhisky on his breath. She leaned back into him, taking a long sip of the alcohol he had handed her.

"I want to take you out of here right now," he growled in her ear, "but as this party is one-fourth mine, I ought to stay a bit longer. I'm not letting you out of my sight, though."

"Is that a promise?" she said playfully, running a finger down his chest and hearing him growl hungrily.

"Ugh," moaned James. "Go dry hump on the dance floor, you two. You're disgusting me so much that my drinks are threatening to find their way back into my glass."

Tien nodded and said in agreement, "He's right, you know, you're utterly repulsive. If you start having sex on the dance floor, dears, make sure I'm around. I could always do with a good show and I ought to be drunk enough to forget how absolutely hideous Sirius is by tomorrow."

"All right, Tien," said a Lily who was already beginning to slur her words. She must have taken some alcohol while she was getting ready for the party. "Sirius certainly isn't my type, but even I have to grudgingly admit he's attractive. Like, almost unfairly so. What is it about him that makes you think he's so horrible looking?"

Tien smirked, downed a shot of something that had been sitting on the end of the drink table and said, "You really want to know? I'll let you in on a little secret."

"You're a lesbian?" joked Sirius. "Because if that was the case, love, it would explain so much, but I'm afraid I'd have to keep you away from my girlfriend. Hot as that would be."

They all laughed and Tien snorted.

"Not at all, Sirius," said the Asian in question. "No, the thing is, I kind of have a thing for older men. Sirius, I'm not a fan of. Sirius's father, on the other hand," she said with a little sigh. "He could have me any way he wanted me."

The laughter ceased, the smiles faded, and Decima dropped her drink. It fell to the ground in a horrible crash. Tien had no idea of what she had just said, but Decima's fainting was about to educate her.

**A/N: So, was it another Tien joke, or was she for once being completely frank? I'll leave you hanging until next chapter to find out. Hehehe… Evil of me, I know.**

**Anything you want to see in this story? I don't know if you don't review! Drop me a line, whenever you think of something. Not guaranteeing I'll use it, but I'll consider everything fairly and equally! I love you all!**

**-J**


	23. The Moments In Between

"I was just kidding. What the hell did she pass out for, Sirius?"

"Hell of a joke, Tien. One of your worst."

"I don't understand what I did wrong. Before you started dating this girl, that would have been top laugh material and you know it. Just explain to me what sort of taboo I've pushed and I'll back off."

Decima's head was pounding, but that was probably from the alcohol. It was dark. Or were her eyes closed? Voices around her…

"My loving father decided he wanted her and proceeded to rape her in a semi-public manner. Pureblood get-together. I'm sure you can imagine the type."

"Shit."

They were talking about her. That was definitely Sirius's voice. Tien? Yes, he had said her name. The other person must be her. Why were her eyes closed?

And then she remembered. Tien made some comment about having a thing for Sirius's father… something about how he could have her… and she must have fainted or blacked out from there. Passed out, that was what Tien had said. She struggled to sit up and slowly opened her eyes.

"CiCi?" Sirius's warm voice washed over her like a wave. "Baby, are you feeling okay?"

She moaned and allowed him to wrap his arms around her.

"I feel like shit. What happened?"

"What happened is I learned that the next time I use any joke that involves me sexually desiring old men, Dumbledore's my only safe option."

Sirius and Decima blinked at each other and smiled. Even when she was trying to be apologetic, there was no beating Tien Vo at humor.

"I suppose that's her way of saying she's sorry," Sirius whispered in her ear. "Tien, I'd like to be alone with my girl, now. Is that okay?"

The Vietnamese girl winked and retreated what Decima realized was Sirius's bedroom. That meant she was lying in his bed. And he was hovering over her. Even with her eyes squinted and her mind still in a whirl, Decima could see where this was headed.

"No sex, Sirius," she groaned. "I feel horrible and my mental state is a bit screwy."

"Of course," he sighed. "Is there anything I can do for you, darling?"

"Yeah," she muttered. "Can you bring in Tien? I'd like to talk to her alone."

He smiled, nodded, and left, but Decima could tell that he didn't want to leave. He was looking at her as if she would disappear on his way out the door. Still, a few moments later a rather sheepish-looking Tien Vo was sauntering back into the room.

"Sirius said you overruled his come-ons and asked for me back," she attempted to joke. "I'm flattered, really, but I don't swing that way, dear, especially for Sirius's sloppy seconds."

Had Decima been feeling better, she would have laughed at that, but she did manage a weak smile and a half-hearted chuckle.

"Anyway, what did you want to see me about?" said Tien, pulling up a chair and propping her feet up on Sirius's bed.

"What is the real reason you're not interested in Sirius and the others?" said Decima. "I swear I won't tell anyone, it will be our little secret. I just have to know."

Tien bit her lip and hesitated, looking truly afraid for the first time since Decima had met her. Then, in the smallest voice imaginable she whispered, "I've never told anybody, but I guess if anyone could understand, it would be you."

And in a story-telling voice very unlike that which Decima had become accustomed to hearing from her, Tien said, "When I was four my father died. My uncle started to stay with us for long periods of time, taking care of me so my mother could work. I first started showing signs of magic when I was about seven, when he started to touch me." Decima's eyes grew wide as she saw a single tear roll down the pretty girl's cheek. "I was scared and I didn't know what he was doing, but I could tell by the way he told me not to tell my mother that he wasn't supposed to be doing it. If people mentioned him, or if he walked into the room, things would explode. My mother lost a lot of vases and toasters for a few years. But it didn't put him off. He would find me in the closet of my room where I would hide when my mother left for work and by the time I was nine he was having his way with me twice a week, no matter how much I cried or bled. He didn't leave me alone until I got my Hogwarts letter and he realized I would be able to get back at him for it someday."

Her glistening eyes turned to Decima's face and she whispered shakily, "And someday I'm going to find him and I'm going to make him pay for every minute of pain he caused me. He disappeared only days after I got my letter and I haven't seen him since, but I've never been able to really look at a guy like most girls do. I know they're not all like my uncle, but I just can't… you know?"

Decima knew, and she nodded. Completely unexpectedly, Tien hugged Decima tightly, crying into her shoulder, sobbing like the broken girl Decima had been not so long ago. For ten minutes, they cried together. Then, Tien kissed Decima sweetly on the cheek, wiped her face, and straightened herself out.

"I'll send your man back in," Tien said in her usual jolly voice. "He probably thinks I'm turning you against him or something. Cheers."

A few minute later, Sirius came back in and slid onto the bed beside Decima, but on top of the covers.

"How's my beautiful love doing?" he slurred, clearly having consumed more alcohol in the short time she and Tien had been alone.

"I've been better," she said softly, "but I've been a whole lot worse, darling."

He kissed her softly on the cheek, just beside where Tien had kissed her moments ago and she broke down, fresh tears rolling down her face.

"Hey, hey, hey," he murmured, wiping a teardrop off her face. "What's wrong, CiCi?"

"I love you," she gasped. "I love you so much. Don't leave me, ever, please."

"Never, ever, ever," he said with a sad little smile. "What's wrong?"

"Sirius, let's run away, please," she sobbed into his chest. "Let's find a place where people let people live normal, healthy, happy lives without war and without horrible predators."

"Where do you have in mind, baby?" he sighed, running his fingers through her hair gently. "I don't think I know of such a place."

"There has to be," she moaned. "There has to be a place where people are just happy. I want to be with you forever and have so many beautiful kids that look just like you, but I don't want to raise kids in this world. It's not safe. It's not the kind of place I want beautiful kids that look just like you to grow up."

He frowned slightly, clearly not entirely sure what she was saying in her rant, but he nodded as he tried to take it all in.

"I think they'd look like you, but that's neither here nor there, I suppose. CiCi, I can't promise a better place than where we already are, but I promise you that when we have our dozens of beautiful children, they're going to have much better childhoods than either of us ever had a prayer of having. We're not going to be pureblood parents. We're going to be better than our parents."

"How?" she hissed. "It's not just purebloods, Sirius, the whole world is evil and sick and twisted. And it's all we know. How can we possibly hope to do better than our parents?"

"I'm already better than my father," he said softly. "I found someone I love to be with, instead of someone that was just a good match. I want to have kids because I want to raise and protect dozens of little girls who look just like you, not because I want an heir, or because it's what's expected of me. And I don't care what House they're in. If they were Slytherin, or even Hufflepuff, I'd love them just the same because they're yours. They're ours. I don't think my father ever thought a thing like that in his life."

Decima sighed and curled up into him, feeling rather depressed.

"In the morning," she whispered, "I expect we'll have our O.W.L. results. I don't want my O.W.L. results. I know I failed some things."

"Not that big of a deal," he muttered. "You didn't need all those classes anyway. It's not like you were planning on continuing everything into N.E.W.T. level."

"Did you fail anything?" she countered, fairly sure of the answer. After all, he was Sirius Black.

"N-no," he admitted sheepishly.

She snorted at him, ruffling his hair gently.

"Then you, dear, have no room to say what's not a big deal. I know you didn't even study. That's bad enough as it is."

Knowing he couldn't win the argument, Sirius decided to take a different approach: flattery.

"Have I ever told you how incredibly gorgeous you are, baby?" he sighed, nuzzling his nose against her neck.

"Only every time I get upset with you, darling," she laughed back.

They didn't make love, but they did kiss and hold each other fondly. They were finally at that point, Decima realized, where they didn't need to make love to be assured of their affection for each other, though Sirius most definitely preferred sex to all other forms of reassurance. The following morning, Decima woke up in Sirius's arms, her make-up smudged and her lipstick smeared across Sirius's bare chest, but he seemed content as he watched her blink to wakefulness.

"Good morning, darling," he sighed. "How are you feeling?"

She just sighed and hugged him tightly, ignoring the fact that they needed to shower, burying her face into his delicious scent. They needed some time, just the two of them, and they needed it soon.

"I don't want to push," she said delicately, "but when is your uncle's funeral?"

Sirius stiffened.

"Three days," he murmured. "Why do you want to know?"

"Do you want me to go with you?"

He pulled back a little and looked down at her thoughtfully, brushing a strand of her hair back. Then he pursed his lips firmly and shook his head.

"No, love, I don't think that would be a good idea. Uncle Alphard would have liked you, but my family will be there, and I don't want this to turn into a coffin-side brawl. I don't want you getting hurt. I'm not letting that happen again."

"Alright," she sighed. She hadn't really expected him to let her go, but she thought she ought to try. In five days, she told herself, she ought to start talking to him about buying their own place, so that they could have a bit of alone time and not have to worry about James walking in, like he had just done.

"Guys," he said, his hands comically covering his face, "put some clothes on, detach, and come down for lunch to see off our friends before Mum has a fit about us all being bad hosts."

Decima giggled at the lengths James would go to not to see them doing something naughty.

"Our clothes are already on, James," sighed Sirius. "And it's not like you haven't seen us naked before."

"Not a sight I want to repeat, _thank_ you, Padfoot," James growled. "Anyway, get a move on, lunch is getting cold. Or, rather, colder. Oh, just get down here."

James stalked away, slamming the door shut behind him. They could hear his mother scolding him from downstairs as Sirius wrapped his arms still tighter around Decima, kissing her forehead.

"I really don't want to go to lunch," he whispered. "I just want to hold you like this all day."

"As much as I would like that," Decima said with a little laugh, "my stomach disapproves of the idea. Come on, love, we need to say good-bye to everybody."

He made many disagreeable noises, but she managed to detract herself from him, straightening out her hair quickly before hopping down the hall, Sirius tearing after her, managing to make it down the stairs before he tackled her, sheltering her body as they rolled into the foyer together, Mr. Potter stepping over them as he made his own way into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Sirius, Decima," he said jovially. "Or rather, good afternoon. I'm afraid you'll have to make an appearance now, Sirius. My wife wouldn't have it any other way. In you get."

"Yes, sir," said Sirius jokingly, helping Decima gently to her feet and leading her into the kitchen, where James, Remus, Peter, Lily, Gwen, and Tien were sitting around the table, having food piled onto their plates by Mrs. Potter, who was mutter on about how Tien looked thinner every time she came to visit.

"Good morning, Mum, everybody else," Sirius said with a wave to the room at large, sitting down beside James and pulling Decima into his lap as she was making for the seat across the table for him. Her squeak of surprise drew a few sniggers and several disapproving looks, but Mrs. Potter just greeted them by setting two plates in front of their chair and heaping piles of food onto them.

"It's afternoon, you silly boy, and I hope you both slept well. Eat up. I need help in the garden before sunset."

Sirius winced.

"Weeding or planting or what?"

"You'll see, now eat."

"I didn't know you could garden, Black," said Lily with a smirk. "Is your specialty killing the plants?"

"Actually," Sirius responded, puffing his chest out with pride, "I'm a world-class gardener, thank you very much. I happen to have gotten top marks in Herbology since first year and expect an Outstanding on my N.E.W.T."

Lily blinked, clearly surprised with this revelation. Decima thought perhaps he never showed his true brilliance in class, or perhaps Lily spent her class time focused on her own work and never noticed his. Either was entirely possible.

They said their goodbyes to their friends and then Sirius ran off to get dragonhide gloves for the garden.

"Really?" said Decima, wrinkling her nose at the bulky gloves. "Why do we need these?"

"Some of those plants aren't particularly friendly," said Sirius, slipping the gloves over her hand, "and I happen to be rather fond of your pretty little fingers. Therefore, you will wear gloves and pray you don't need them."

She snorted ironically.

"What a comfort you are. Big strong Sirius, can't even protect me from a bunch of shrubs."

His face arranged into a mildly annoyed look, but he tried to hide it.

"Anyway," he growled, more to himself than her, "just hope it's not an issue."

She followed James and Sirius out to the back garden, realizing she hadn't ever really been there. All sorts of plants they'd worked on in Herbology were present and accounted for, from benign to dangerous, and a few she'd never even seen before, ranging from beautiful and exotic to ugly and useful.

Mrs. Potter had Sirius working on a recently acquired plant from South America that she said was incredibly dangerous and remarkably rare. He looked thrilled. Decima, on the other hand, was terrified, and Mrs. Potter led her over to the honking daffodils and had her do some watering.

"Don't you worry about Sirius," she whispered to Decima conspiratorially. "He's going to be just fine. He's excellent with the plants, the more dangerous, the better. Have you talked with him about the funeral?"

"Briefly," Decima admitted. "I was trying to get a sense of when it was, but he was asking why I was asking, and all I could think to say was that I wanted to know if he wanted me to go with. He outright refused and I can't say I'm sorry."

"No, I'm not surprised," Mrs. Potter said with a knowing smile. "Don't worry, James and my husband will go along, make sure he's safe, and you and I can have a nice long chat about moving out. Everything will be just fine."

Sirius finished with his evil plant of doom (as Decima had taken to calling it) and they all went back inside, washing their hands thoroughly. Mrs. Potter made them a snack and they played a game of Gobstones while they waited for the sandwiches, Decima and Sirius against James. James lost.

Sirius was quiet that day, contemplative, thoughtful, and altogether distant from Decima. Mrs. Potter told her not to worry, as they made dinner for the men together, that the funeral would happen and things would be back to normal. Mrs. Potter claimed that it was the depth of Alphard's death hitting Sirius that was making him act so strangely, but once he came to terms with it, things would be fine again. Decima certainly hoped so.

When she crawled into bed beside him that night, Sirius kissed her forehead absently and rolled over, facing away, still lost in his brooding thoughts. Decima stared up at the ceiling, hoping Mrs. Potter was right, hoping that when the funeral was done, all this uncertainty, all this awkwardness, all this lack of sharing between them would be over and they would be able to move on to that next stage: moving in to their own place. She could hear his breathing slip into soft, easy, measured breaths and knew he had fallen asleep. Frowning slightly in her own thoughts, Decima leaned over his body, placed a careful kiss on his forehead, and allowed herself to roll back onto her side of the bed, falling into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.


	24. Moving On Up

The morning of the funeral, Decima found herself alone in bed. Sirius had left without waking her. He must have been especially out of sorts. She rolled over to check the clock by his bedside. The funeral had started about five minutes prior. With a sigh, she rolled out of bed, grabbed a towel to wrap around herself, and made her way to the shower. There was no need for the towel, of course, as all the men were at the funeral, but it didn't feel right to walk through the Potter's house in nothing but her skin.

She turned on the water and adjusted the temperature carefully, letting the beads of water rain down on her body pleasantly, thinking about what Sirius might be doing at that moment. He and James and Mr. Potter were probably finding seats at the funeral, deciding who they most needed to avoid, probably sitting with Andromeda and her Muggle, the five of them cloistering for cover in some back corner of the venue, as far from Walburga and Orion as possible. She lathered her hair and wondered what was being said about Alphard Black, whether there might be a coffin-side brawl, or if they would all behave themselves for propriety's sake.

As she rinsed her hair, she thought of Sirius, thought of what was next for them. Their own place to stay, their own life… it was as if they were getting married. But they weren't getting married. She wondered if that was something Sirius would ever want to do, or if they would forever be improperly together, thumbing their noses at proper society. Her heart hurt at the thought and she wondered if she wanted to be married because it was something she wanted, or because it was something she had always been told to want.

Would Sirius ever want to be married? In the current climate of the wizarding world, would it even be wise to marry? Would they be able to love each other forever? Decima knew they were in love, but she had never thought about the lasting ability of love. Did what she had with Sirius have the capability to last beyond school, through their twisted, messed up ways of dealing with life?

Mrs. Potter seemed to think things would work themselves out, Decima reminded herself, turning off the water and quickly drying her body with a towel. Mrs. Potter was usually right about everything, particularly things having to do with James and Sirius.

Suddenly, as she was pulling on her clothes, she remembered something Philomela had said at the beginning of the year, something about a rumor that Sirius never showered alone. She tried to think back on her time with him, if other than the two times in the prefects' bath, if they had ever been in that sort of situation together. In all the times they had been together, there was hardly any time in the shower. But that was a silly thought to be having now. When they had their own place, they could spend so much time in the shower that they became certified prunes.

Unsure of what else she could do with her time, Decima found a few books in the study that looked mildly interesting (and a dirty magazine in Sirius's sock drawer) and took them down to the couch, hiding the dirty magazine inside the books and changing the placement every so often so that Mrs. Potter actually thought she was being scholarly when she came in with a plate of cookies. She was trying to decide whether one of the images she was looking at was anatomically possible when she felt someone sit beside her.

"Mmm, that looks tasty," murmured a familiar voice in her ear, and she snapped the book shut, turning to look at him with a half-amused look.

"Not going to happen, Black," she hissed.

He reached for the plate on the table and said with a falsely innocent voice, "I was talking about these cookies, love. What did your sick mind think I was referring to?"

She swatted him playfully and he kissed her neck. This was the happiest he had been in a while.

"Guess what?" he whispered.

"What?" she asked, chuckling at his newfound exuberance.

"You didn't guess," he teased. She poked him and he laughed. "I went over my financial situation with Dad. He thinks we can get a pretty nice little house in London, as long as we promise Mum to come back every Sunday for brunch. He says otherwise she probably won't let us leave."

Decima could hardly believe how easy it had been, to just wait for him to realize what the best really was for the both of them. She hadn't thought he'd be focused and clever enough to figure it out on his own, but then she froze for a moment.

"The Potters decided this, didn't they?"

He blushed ever-so-slightly and nodded.

"Yeah, but I picked the place myself. I think you're going to like it. I'm taking you tomorrow after breakfast and we can shop for furniture and stuff. The Potters are putting that on their tab for the sake a house-warming gift."

"That sounds perfect," she admitted, allowing him to hug her tightly. "Absolutely perfect."

"I love you, CiCi," he sighed. "I love you so much."

/-/

It wasn't very big, but it was perfect for the two of them. It hadn't been easy to furnish, though, seeing as Decima was still attached to silver and green, where Sirius absolutely insisted upon crimson and gold.

"How about this," Decima finally said, frustrated, "how about we go for house-neutral colors like brown?"

"But you hate brown," he pointed out.

"I know," she admitted. "Brown and purple? Those are the only house neutral colors I can think of!"

"And they're lovely colors," he said quickly. "I think that's a brilliant idea."

And so they managed to furnish the whole house with purple and brown, with very comfortable things, and nothing too horribly girly. Within three days, everything was settled and they had moved in to the new space.

"Well," Sirius said, falling back onto the queen-sized bed, "what do you think?"

"I think," she said softly, crawling over the bed to kiss him, "that it's absolutely perfect."

For days, they did little else but christen every room in the house (there were only five) with their love making. They had to be careful with their magic, as they now lived in Muggle London, but it was worth having their privacy.

Finally, her O.W.L. results arrived, along with their Hogwarts letters.

"How did you do, love?" he said, tossing his letter aside.

"Well," she said softly. "I won't be continuing Transfiguration, but I did pass, shockingly. I got an 'A'. In fact, I passed everything. Exceeds Expectations across the board, so I don't have to drop anything I wanted to take."

"In that case," he said seriously, "we ought to go see the Potters and work out when we're going to go get supplies. Besides, brunch will be soon, and Merlin knows Mum won't take kindly to us being late. Up you get."

They Flooed over to the Potter Manor, where Mrs. Potter was already laying out sandwiches for brunch.

"Oh, good, you're here," she said with a smile. "Well, Decima, how did your O.W.L.s go?"

"Passed them all," Decima responded, grinning in spite of herself as Sirius wrapped his arms around her proudly. "I'll be able to continue anything I'd like, except Transfiguration, but I wasn't going on with that, anyway, so at least I passed it."

"Certainly," Mrs. Potter said. "Oh, that's wonderful. And Sirius is excellent, so if you ever need something transfigured, you can always have him take care of it. All right, boys, they're here! Time for brunch!"

Mr. Potter and James filed in and sat down around the table. Just as they started helping themselves to food, the someone stumbled out of the fireplace. Gwen straightened herself and grinned at them.

"I've just come from the Lupins'. I had to tell you. I'm the Slytherin Quidditch Captain!"

"Oh, GiGi!" Decima cried, rushing to hug her friend. "That's amazing! We'll have to have you over to our new place and celebrate!"

"While we're announcing things," James said with a grin, "you're never going to believe what I got with my letter."

They all turned to him confused and expectant. He was already Quidditch Captain. What would he have gotten?

"A Head Boy Badge," he said, holding up the shiny badge. Every jaw in the room dropped.

"It's official," Gwen said, shaking her head. "Dumbledore's lost it. I have to go tell Remus. I was wondering why he didn't get it. Oh, no!" she said, her eyes suddenly wide.

"What?" Sirius and James demanded.

"What's Lily going to say?" Gwen said, horrified. "She told Remus as soon as she got her badge. She's Head Girl!"

"Oh sweet Merlin," Decima sighed. "Now he had an excuse to stalk her. That poor girl."

"I thought Lily and I were good," James said, frowning.

"For now," Gwen said. "You haven't had to work together. This will be the true test of a relationship. Act like an adult, James, for all of our sakes. Please."

They said their goodbyes, agreed to meet in four days in Diagon Alley, and Gwen left them to their brunch to spread the news of James's badge.

"Well," said Mr. Potter with a broad smile, "it seems we'll have to congratulate you somehow, James. What would you like?"

"Lily's hand in marriage," Sirius said in a less-than-quiet undertone, earning him a snort from Decima and an amused look from Mrs. Potter.

"Actually," James said, trailing off. "Do you think we could talk about this in private later, Dad?"

Decima's jaw dropped. Was he really going to ask for Lily? Or, more likely, a ring for Lily? They hadn't even been on proper speaking terms for very long.

Then again, she and Sirius had barely known each other before becoming more or less attached at the hip. Maybe there was something to be said for fate. Mrs. Potter forced leftovers on Decima and Sirius as they were leaving, probably knowing that the pair of them had been getting Muggle Chinese or Indian take-out nearly every day. They had discovered that neither of them was able to produce much of a decent meal other than toast, which had become their breakfast staple.

"Well," Sirius had said, "at least it's almost September."

"True," Decima had responded, "but what happens when we're not at school anymore?"

"We eat lots of noodles and curry."

And that was perfectly fine with Decima.

When they met up in Diagon Alley with Peter, Remus, Gwen, James, the Potters, Tien, and Lily and her parents, it was a particularly sunny day. Before starting their shopping, they stopped for ice cream at Florean Fortescue's. Then they got books, potions ingredients, and food for pets, quills, ink, and other necessities. Then, they stayed for dinner at the Leaky Cauldron.

"So, James," Remus said slyly, "a very attractive little birdy told me that you've got a shiny new badge to put next to the Quidditch Captain one."

"Indeed I do, mate," James said, rather humbly, Decima thought. "Head Boy."

Lily's fork clattered to her plate and she looked up at him, mouthing wordlessly.

"Well, as much as I'd like to stick around and watch this train wreck," Sirius chuckled, "Decima and I really ought to say goodnight. We've decided to take a cab to King's Cross, so we'll see you in the morning. Night, all!"

There was a friendly chorus of typical partings, and a hardy "Use protection!" from Tien as the pair Flooed back to their house.

It was their last night in their private shelter, alone, curled up in their own room together before they had to go back to school, to the real world where they had responsibilities and schedules dictated by the people around them. As soon as they tossed their purchases in their fully-packed trunks, they rushed into the bedroom, stripped themselves down, and held each other and sensitively and tenderly as first-time lovers.

Decima hadn't ever thought that they would make love in a way that would surprise her, but the way Sirius worshiped her that night, the way he seemed to ask for permission before every touch, every kiss, was shocking and wonderful all at once. When they came together, after he had brought her to climax several times, he actually began to cry.

"Shh," she soothed, hugging him to her, exhausted and a little concerned. "What's wrong, love?"

"I don't deserve you," he sobbed. "Oh, Merlin, Decima, I'm so sorry with how I took you for granted in the past. But before I had you, I was nothing. I promise to be better, love. You're first, from now on. I'm never letting you go."

She knew what he was apologizing for, but it was so far in the past, and already forgiven, so she just kissed him gently, but meaningfully, and he fell into the kiss, wrapping himself around her desperately, as if trying to meld them together through holding her.

"You've been more wonderful than I've deserved, Sirius," she sighed, kissing his chest. "I'm never going anywhere."

And they held each other, merely reveling in the mingling of their heartbeats, of their breathing, as they curled up together and fell asleep. No more words were said, and no more words were necessary. They knew all that would have been said, anyway. Sometimes saying things out loud makes them less powerful, less real.

When the sun rose, Decima admired Sirius for a little while, gently running her fingers through his shaggy black hair, admiring its softness. They had shifted in the night, and his face was resting against her left breast, his arms laced tightly around her waist. She felt like a mother comforting a child.

The thought spurred on more thoughts that had never before occurred to her. When she had told him she wouldn't leave, she had meant every word. She truly intended to spend the rest of her life with Sirius, but they weren't the same as their friends. Lily and James were more than ninety percent likely to get married, have a half a dozen children, and live in either the Potter Manor or some large cottage in a wizarding area.

Decima couldn't fathom whether she and Sirius would even marry, much less have children and live some sort of typical wizarding parent existence. She wanted to tell herself that she wasn't even a qualified witch yet, she should be thinking of such things as children and marriage yet, but the fact of the matter was that the majority of witches and wizards were married by the age of twenty, especially the purebloods. And yet she could hardly imagine her and Sirius living any way but the way they already were by twenty.

She tried, though, to picture them as a family, with children, living in a little cottage in Godric's Hollow (because Sirius would never allow them to live anywhere else; his children would grow up in the community of the Potters). Sirius would insist on having enough to have their own Quidditch team, at the very least, and that way they could play the Quidditch team Lily and James conceived every Sunday afternoon after brunch at the Potter's. Sirius would be an Auror and she would stay home and take care of the children. Perhaps she would do research and invent some spells in her spare time. She had always liked living by herself better, anyway.

The silver lining was that maybe she could get Sirius to invest in a practical vehicle, so that they didn't always have to get around on his silly motorbike.

But it looked so strange, so not like them. Still, it was a wonderful image and Decima couldn't help but hope that someday, maybe not soon, but someday, she and Sirius would have that sort of a future.

She checked the clock. Ten. They didn't have long to get ready and get to King's Cross, so she woke him with kisses and informed him that they had to hurry and shower, dress, and eat. They showered together to save time, and it actually did, since they had what was arguably the most chaste shower they had had since moving in together.

He asked her what had her so incredibly happy as they crammed toast into their mouths and met the cab on the street, trunks in hand. Decima simply shrugged, but in truth she was thinking over her image of them married, parents, happily living out the sort of life other girls had spent their whole lives dreaming of. Indeed, some of her classmates had even planned out their dream lives with Sirius as the husband, but she had never before dared think of it. Now, though, it seemed an attainable dream.

If she had been a Seer, she wouldn't have dwelt so much on the beautiful dream of a life with Sirius in marital bliss. But Decima had never been one for foresight.


	25. Time Goes By And It's Gone Epilogue

Decima's sixth year at Hogwarts was far less eventful than her fifth, at that was good. Regulus left her alone at Prefect meetings, mostly because he was very afraid of James and Remus, not to mention what might happen if they told Sirius he was attempting to speak to her. Gwen ruled Quidditch with an iron fist and he never got closer than ten feet to her during practice.

When the Marauders weren't around, which wasn't very often, Decima had the added bonus of friendship with Tien, whom anyone with half a lick of sense was terrified of, and even more terrified of upsetting.

Gryffindor won that year. Not just the Slytherin versus Gryffindor game, but the Quidditch Cup, the House Cup, and literally every award given to seventh years at graduation, except Potions, which Lily shared with Severus Snape. Gryffindors also won all of the spots afforded by Dumbledore to his secret society called the Order of the Phoenix, combating the Death Eaters in their attempts to take over the Wizarding world. In fact, all of the Marauders and Lily joined the group.

Mary had been invited as well, but Mary was dead within a month graduating. Death Eaters attacked her home, killed her whole family before her eyes, and then magically exsanguinated her and hung her body for display in front of the house before casting the Dark Mark over the roof. The Aurors found her hours later, and they never caught the Death Eaters responsible.

Four days later, Lily and James married in a quiet, small ceremony, with Sirius as the best man and Decima and Gwen as bridesmaids. Tien was unable to attend. For a few short hours, everyone was happy, everyone forgot the war.

Mere hours after the final song of the night, Mad-Eye Moody called the Order members together. Sirius came back after an hour looking solemn, sober, and distraught as he told Decima that they Caradoc Dearborn had completely disappeared and Benjy Fenwick had been found, or rather, pieces of him had. Without a doubt, they were both dead.

Decima was not named Head Girl, and she didn't mind. Between school, Quidditch, and keeping up with Sirius, making sure everyone was safe, her seventh year was more than busy enough. The highlight of the year was when Sirius visited her on a Hogsmeade weekend. He had been in the area for a mission and said he couldn't resist taking her to the Three Broomsticks, just to remember life when it was simpler.

Five days later, Mr. and Mrs. Potter were murdered by Death Eaters, the Potter Manor destroyed, and Sirius was inconsolable. Decima had been allowed to attend the funeral, and she had never seen him so distraught. In truth, the Potters had been the closest thing she had ever had to parents, and she was equally horrified at their end. The one consolation was that it had been painless.

Lily and James were not in attendance for Decima, Tien, and Gwen's graduation. Remus, Peter and Sirius were there, but the other two were attending their second funeral of the year: Mr. and Mrs. Evans had died in a car crash.

Apparently, the funeral was not a good experience. Lily's cow of a sister Petunia showed up with her walrus fiancé and gave Lily quite a tongue-lashing, blaming the death of their parents on her, saying somehow it was because she was a "freak".

Lily did not attending the cow's wedding, subsequently. She went out for ice cream sundaes with Gwen, Tien, and Decima, and complained about all of the stupid things her sister had done growing up, like not checking for push or pull signs on doors before attempting to open them. It was probably the most pathetic rant Decima had ever heard, but it seemed to be good for Lily to get it all out, so the other girls listened silently, exchanging glances and murmuring words of comfort or agreement every now and then.

The true end of innocence came in August. Tien, Gwen, and Decima had joined the Order. Tien and Gwen weren't there, but they had been gone off and on for missions lately and nobody thought twice about their absence as they sat down around the table for a meeting near the end of August.

"We have some bad news that's going to hit our newest members hard," growled Alastor Moody, "regarding a Gwen Bittner."

Decima saw Remus perk up, his eyes wide and fearful.

"Her body was discovered last night, mauled, chewed, and gored," whispered Fabian Prewett. "It was Greyback."

Before anyone else had time to react, Remus stood up rapidly, knocking his chair over and walking swiftly to the hall. Sirius, Decima and James went after him while Lily sobbed onto Peter's shoulder. They found Remus in the sitting room, upturning all of the furniture, throwing books across the room and growling viciously. Decima began moving toward him, but James held her back.

"Moony?" said Sirius softly.

Remus kept his destructive frenzy going, not hearing Sirius, or perhaps not wanting to. Decima broke out of James's hold and moved slowly toward Remus, ignoring James and Sirius as they hissed at her to stop. When she got close enough, Decima wrapped her arms around Remus's waist, holding on tightly as he thrashed around wildly for a minute, howling, before collapsing, panting for air, tears streaming down his face as he clutched Decima tightly and moaning pitifully.

"Shh..." soothed Decima. "Let it out, Remus. It's going to be okay."

His sobs broke her heart, but there would be time for her own grief later. Now, Remus needed her.

"I loved her," Remus sobbed. "I loved her so much, CiCi, and now she's gone and I don't know how to live without her."

"You're going to be okay, Remus," whispered Decima. "Gwen knew you loved her, and she loved you so much. She would want you to be strong and keep fighting. It's okay to hurt, love, but don't give up."

They felt like such empty words, but they seemed to help Remus. At least, he seemed to calm somewhat.

Decima's dreams of a normal life shattered on that day. Her best friend since before she could remember, the girl who had stood beside her after all her other friends had abandoned her, was dead. Order members were dropping like flies. The likelihood that she and Sirius would survive the war was so small, so pathetic. How could she possibly imagine bringing a child into this world? How incredibly selfish would that be?

Months later, Lily informed them that she and James were expecting a child, a son in fact. Actually, everyone seemed to be growing up except for Sirius and Decima. Marriages were happening left and right, children being conceived at an alarming rate. Even Christa and Philomela married, said the _Daily Prophet_, to Yaxley and Regulus. They got their respectable pureblood marriages, and Decima was simply trying to ride out the wave of the chaos of war with the boy who didn't seem to mature past seventeen.

Except, of course, when they were with the Order. There, he was all business, more mature than some of his far older peers. The war was incredibly personal to him.

One evening, Decima received an owl she didn't recognize with a very short not attached.

Decima's eyes scanned the note. It was from Christa. It didn't appear to be a trick or a trap... the Three Broomsticks... She could be reasonably assured of safety there. She shoved the note into her pocket and grabbed her cloak.

"Where are you going?" said Sirius urgently, dropping the newspaper in his hand.

"The Three Broomsticks."

"Why?" he demanded. "Who are you going with?"

"I've gotten a letter from Christa."

"What?" Sirius yelped. "No, CiCi, you can't! You know her brother and husband are Death Eaters! She could have the mark for all you know!"

His eyes were desperate and pleading, but Decima fastened her cloak.

"I don't expect to be long, love. If you think something's wrong, by all means, come after me, but I expect she's meeting me behind her husband's back, from the tone of the note. I love you, darling," she added, kissing Sirius gently before stepping into the hall and Apparating to Hogsmeade.

The night air was cold and stiff as she marched purposefully to the Three Broomsticks. Madam Rosmerta was serving a man with one arm, and Decima strolled over to her.

"Decima Zimmerman!" said Rosmerta, surprised. "How lovely to see you! Firewhiskey?"

"No, a butterbeer I think, Rosmerta," said Decima softly. "Have you seen Mrs. Yaxley tonight?"

Rosmerta handed her a foaming tankard and nodded, pointing to the very back corner of the room where a lone figure sat, cloaked and hooded, holding a gillywater with a shaking hand. Decima thanked Rosmerta, paid and made her way to the table where her old friend sat, clearly upset.

"Christa," said Decima, pulling up a chair. "What news?"

"There is much," murmured Christa from behind her hood. "Two deaths, Decima, one a mystery and one a horrific tragedy."

"Who?" prompted Decima, her mind reeling with all of the people she hoped might be dead.

"Regulus," hissed Christa, "and Philomela."

Decima blinked. She wasn't sure what she had expected, but that wasn't it. She nodded stiffly and allowed Christa to explain.

"R-Regulus had been missing s-several days. Tonight, at a m-meeting, Evan said the Dark Lord asked for him. Evan told him that Regulus was missing, and the Dark Lord said that he had died, and he wanted to know how. N-none of the Death Eaters knew, so he called for Philomela and me. She didn't know, but he tortured her a-and then he k-killed her, out of fury, I suppose." She swallowed roughly. "The s-screams, Decima... I've never heard anything so horrific."

Decima shuddered, trying not to imagine it, trying not to wonder how Regulus died.

"I'm alone in the snake pit now," muttered Christa, "and you, alone in the lion's den, little snake."

"I'm not alone," whispered Decima, "and you don't have to be. We can get you out of there, Christa, provide you protection–"

"No," said Christa firmly. "No, thank you, Decima, but my place is in the snake pit."

"It doesn't have to be," urged Decima. "You're terrified, Christa. How long before you're the one beign tortured or killed?"

"I'm not you, CiCi!" cried Christa. "I'm not strong enough to leave! This is all I know."

Decima wanted to smack her, shake her, scream at her, and force her to see reason. But Decima remembered how she had felt when Sirius begged her to leave with him all those years ago. She had said no, too.

"I understand, KiKi," she whispered. "If that's all, I should go before Sirius sends out a search party. Let me know if you change your mind. You know how to reach me."

Christa nodded sharply. Decima stepped outside and Disapparated, landing in that same hall she had left from to find Sirius standing there, anxiously awaiting her return. She smiled weakly at him.

"How did it go?" he whispered, and she snapped. Decima collapsed to the floor in tears, sobbing violently, and Sirius rushed to hold her, pulling her onto his lap and rocking her gently in his strong arms. "What happened, darling?" he cooed in her ear soothingly.

Decima told Sirius everything that Christa had told her, and she was surprised that he had no emotional reaction to the news that his brother was dead.

"And I asked her to come with him, and she wouldn't," sobbed Decima. "She kept talking about her place and how she wasn't strong enough to leave. I know I shouldn't judge but I wanted to make her see reason! They'll kill her, Sirius, and there's nothing I can do!"

Sirius simply rocked her for a moment before whispering in her ear, "Now you understand how I felt, darling, when I ran away from home and you wouldn't let me take you with me. I almost didn't leave, but I know I couldn't protect you if I was dead."

She shivered.

"Such a sweet girl," Decima murmured. "What a way to go."

And for a while, things were in that rhythm. Lily and James had their son, Harry. Sirius was named his godfather. The world turned upside down once again, however, when the Potters and Longbottoms were told by Dumbledore to go into hiding. For a while, they abided by the typical enchantments and lying low, but Dumbledore received some sort of intelligence and the Potters were told secretly to find a Secret-Keeper. They would require a Fidelius Charm for their protection.

Sirius had been the obvious choice, and Decima informed him that if he didn't think about this, they would probably have to go into hiding as well. Things had become so strained between them over the issue that by late October, when the spell was performed, they were hardly speaking, despite living under the same roof and sleeping in the same bed. She knew that with time, everything would be all right, but he needed to sulk over the stress of the situation for a while. She had learned from the Death Eater attack during her fifth year that Sirius took out his frustration in unusual ways, and she gave him all of the space he needed.

October 30th, he left late at night, and she didn't ask where he was going. It was possible he was checking on the Potters. He did that fairly regularly. Or perhaps he had gone to a whorehouse to get out some frustration without hurting her. He had only done that once since they were out of school, but she knew he was very upset over the fight, and she told herself that she would forgive him for whatever he might do.

The next night, it was a little bit of a different story.

"I'm off to check on Peter," whispered Sirius. He did that sometimes, checking in on Peter, Remus, Tien, making sure everyone was still alive and mentally okay between Order meetings. "I won't belong."

He kissed her forehead, grabbed his cloak and paused before leaving the bedroom.

"I love you, CiCi," he whispered, and he left the room, leaving Decima alone in the dark, silent room. She couldn't explain it, but something felt horribly wrong, not like the night before. Her heart was pounding furiously. After three hours of staring alone at the ceiling, Decima crawled out of bed, dressed, and pulled on her cloak, Apparating to the front of Peter's building. She walked up to his flat, but the door was open, and no one was there. No sign of a struggle... Her heart was racing. Where was Sirius? Had he lied to her? Something was wrong.

"Hello, Decima," said a smooth voice behind her, and she spun around. Lucius Malfoy's cruel face sneered down at her and she took a step back, into the wall. He laughed.

"Now, now, pet, no need for that. Just come with me quietly and there will be no need for anyone to get hurt."

"No," she moaned. "Please, no. Where's Sirius?"

"I'm not the keeper of your lover," he spat, grabbing her arm and Disapparating swiftly. When they arrived in the Malfoy Manor, she collapsed to the floor, hot pain shooting across her arm. She had been splinched. The wound wasn't deep, but it was wide and long and she was losing blood fast.

"Stupid man!" shrieked a woman nearby. "You splinched her! Cissy, hurry up and heal it so we can get on with things!"

The blonde form of Narcissa Malfoy hovered over Decima, tending the wound carefully but quickly. Bellatrix Black Lestrange and Lucius were whispering nearby, and something he said made Bellatrix's eyes light up with manic glee. She whispered urgently to Narcissa, who nodded and rushed out of the room.

"Now, now, little Decima," said Bellatrix gleefully, "We're to ask you a few questions, and you're going to answer them."

"Firstly," muttered Lucius, "when did you last see Regulus Black?"

"When I left Hogwarts," hissed Decima. She had seen him once or twice since then, but they didn't need to know that. They had been mere been glimpses in passing on the street.

"And do you know where our Master is?" demanded Bellatrix.

"No," said Decima cheekily. "Have you misplaced him?"

But Bellatrix didn't find it funny. In fact, she lashed out with a forceful Cruciatus Curse and Decima felt pain in every part of her, screaming and writhing on the floor. After what felt like hours, but was probably only about ten minutes, the curse lifted and she fell limp, too exhausted for anything.

"I think," drawled Lucius, "that it is my turn to persuade her, Bella. You'll get another go at her in the morning."

Surprisingly, Bellatrix's sadistic smile did not fade, and she left the room, leaving Decima gasping on the floor, Lucius standing over her. After watching her for a moment, he scooped her up and carried her down the hall to the study, where he laid her body down on a divan, the same one, she thought, that Orion Black had raped her on years ago. His touch was almost gentle, and she was too weak to move.

She winced as he ran a finger along her cheek. When he began stripping her clothes off her body, she gasped, but had not the energy to resist. His lips explored her bare skin, and she whimpered, but he ignored her. He slithered out of his own clothes and climbed on top of her, his eyes burning with a manic fire that could have rivaled that of his sister-in-law.

"Please," she managed to whimper, and he smirked as he entered her, thrusting in and out as she shrieked in pain. She was sure there was a tear, she must be bleeding...

It felt as though he was thrusting in and out of her forever, but eventually he came inside of her, and he tangled his fingers in her hair, whispering, "I've wanted to do that for so long."

He left her on the divan, bleeding, crying, and naked. She did not sleep. She knew that sooner than she could handle, Bellatrix would be torturing her again.

Sure enough, before a bird even chirped, Bellatrix and Lucius were back, looking surprisingly solemn. Bellatrix slapped her hard across the face.

"Tell me what you know about Harry Potter," the woman hissed.

"He's a baby," croaked Decima defiantly. "He can barely walk."

Bellatrix hissed angrily.

"It might interest you to know," Lucius drawled, examining his nails, "that Sirius Black is in Azkaban."

"W-what?" gasped Decima. "What for?"

"For murdering thirteen people on a crowded Muggle street, I believe."

"No," she said firmly. "I don't believe you!"

"Now, now, darling," drawled Lucius, "is it really so hard to believe? You know the Blacks, ferocious tempers and incredibly short fuses. And here I thought you were an expert on Black men."

She whimpered at the implication and wanted to smack herself for the sound. Bellatrix snarled.

"Enough of this!" she shrieked. "Now, you silly girl, we have important things to discuss. When killing the Potters, the Dark Lord's power broke. We need to find him."

"The Potters?" Decima gasped. "They're... they're dead?"

Bellatrix sneered.

"Yes, and the world is better off without their filth. Now, dear, who will have the information we need to find the Dark Lord?"

Decima knew, of course, who might know, but she didn't say a word, just glared up at Bellatrix defiantly.

"Let's not make this messy, Decima," drawled Lucius. "A name or two and you're free."

"Liar," she spat. He smirked and she knew she was right. No matter what she told them, they weren't just going to let her go.

After six hours, the Cruciatus Curse felt a lot like dying, except without the release of the end. Decima would have liked to die. Lily and James were gone. Gwen was gone. Sirius was gone. She had nothing left to fight for. Before she even realized what she was doing, she moaned, "Frank and Alice."

"What was that, love?" said Bellatrix, her wand dropped.

"F-Frank and Alice Longbottom," whimpered Decima.

"See now, sweet, was that so bad?" leered Lucius.

Decima groaned, falling limp, hearing pieces of the whispers of her captors and knowing before that jet of green light hit her that she was going to die, and she didn't mind.

/-/

Bellatrix Lestrange, his evil deranged cousin, was sitting in the cell across from him, and Sirius glared at her furiously, as though his anger would hurt her. He wanted it to hurt her. It would have been something to do. There was nothing to do in Azkaban.

"Tell me, Sirius," she hissed at him, not long after she and her husband had arrived with two other Death Eaters, "what is it like to know you were the end of them all?"

He clenched his fists, trying not to rise to her taunts. He wanted so badly to hurt her.

"Your precious Potters, dead because of you, because you weren't brave enough to protect them properly, because you were afraid your little CiCi would get hurt if you did the right thing."

Decima. He had left her all alone, and now there was no one to protect her, to hold her, to tell him how sorry he was and how much he loved her.

"She screamed so beautifully."

He shook his head. That didn't mean what he thought it meant. Decima was out there somewhere, with Remus, safe and alive, a roof over her head. Maybe she would find somebody else, someone who actually deserved her. Maybe she and Remus could get over their lost loves together. His heart ached at the thought.

"The screams when Lucius raped her were wonderful. I almost wish I could have witnessed it."

"No," he whispered hoarsely. No, he couldn't have. She was fine. She was safe.

"And then torturing her, it was such a delicious treat. You would have been proud, baby cousin. She withheld information for hours under the Cruciatus Curse. Too bad for your precious Order that she broke in the end. Don't worry, her death was painless, and we got the information we wanted. Frank and Alice Longbottom are in St. Mungo's now, completely out of their minds. They were useless, but it was worth trying."

"No!" Sirius cried grasping the bars frantically, snarling at her cackling form. "You're lying! She's alive! She's safe!"

Bellatrix merely laughed.

"No, Sirius," she hissed, barely more than a whisper. "The only reason you're even reacting is because you know I'm telling the truth. Decima Zimmerman is dead."

The news, the realization that it wasn't a lie, hit Sirius so acutely that he actually physically staggered backwards, walking back to the far wall to the sound and rhythm of his mad cousin's cackling, sinking to the dirty stone floor feeling colder, darker, emptier than he had that morning. She was gone. She was dead. He never got to say good-bye. The pathetic farewell he had given on the night of the 31st of October felt wildly insufficient.

Peter Pettigrew would pay, if it was the last thing Sirius ever accomplished.

**A/N: And that's the end! I realize it's not very happy, but I've had this whole chapter planned out from the very beginning. Sorry if you guys don't like it, but this is the way I think, the types of stories I tend to write. And it's totally canon. Let me know what you guys think! I never could have fathomed the sort of incredible response this story has gotten when I began, less than a year ago, and I'm very proud with how it's gone. Thank you for taking this ride with me, and I hope to see you in some of my other literary journeys!**

**-J**


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